I will be honest. I hate being a caregiver. I don't take care of my husband. I take care of someone that looks like my husband. Lately, I stay so frustrated and ill with him. He told me to quit being ill with him and mind you there is nothing wrong with his mind. I love him, but lately I just don't know what to do about my attitude. I pray to God everyday to help me. Everyday I mess up with my mouth in gear. I need prayers for me and my husband.
Her attitude toward me it's all my fault when she gets stressed
Im not a saint but her mindset is illogical
I feel sometimes maybe her old normal self will return
Live without affection is hard
What will tomorrow bring
If I get a offer next time I hope I take it
Trouble is with PD I can't catch a fast woman lol
Caregiving has made me a firm advocate for death with dignity. In my opinion, it's better to go away somewhere nice like Switzerland, have a lovely last meal, drink the chocolate milk poison and die peacefully with dignity. I'm a big advocate of that, because it's much better than the horrorshow I'm witnessing with my grandmother. It's also not placing a burden on family or an overwhelmed health care system. Imagine a world where very few nursing homes actually exist anymore because death with dignity is a viable, desireable option. Just a thought.
For me personally once it gets to this point I'd rather die with some dignity and lack of pain - opioids and ketamine are the way I'd like to pass this mortal coin if I have any choice in the matter (and no, I've never abused drugs, but have experienced both medically so have some idea).
We dont let our animals suffer this way, why are us humans condemned to such suffering at the end..??
Ha ho
Prior to diagnosis she put her symptoms and tiredness down to our marriage problems and was actively talking about leaving... On top of that I've supported her and her (tight) family for over a decade financially (which I also have come to deeply resent).
My wife has been ill for the last 3 years with advanced cancer, and has been in declining health over the last few years, so I've organised the very best care, countless doctor and hospital visits, chemotherapy, surguries, emergency visits, fighting with insurance companies, dealing with distraught family and friends, on and on it goes..
I'm the sole bread-winner now for the last 6 years, while my family has helped out massively financially - her family hasnt given a single penny of their own money (literally).
Ive been working-full time, organising all of her insurance and hospital visits (or it falls in a heap, she refuses to take even that responsibility), taking care of our son, consoling him - organising his activities, taking him everywhere, taking her to appointments and trying to work full time as its only my private insurance thats kept her alive...
I've ended up on anti-depressants during this nightmare, had a breakdown, and having finally learnt detachment for my own sanity, so she now resents that I dont want to listen to her cry most nights about her impending demise as its just too stressful.
We've had no sex life since I cant even remember, my once brilliant career is now circling the toilet and I'm just totally burned out.
But she is determined to 'fight' for every minute longer...
Why I dont quite understand anymore as her quality of life is increasingly aweful with pain, and her 'doing things' with our son sadly amounts now to little more than sitting next to him as he plays with the ipad or watches TV...
Whoever thought care-giving was a blessing was some sort of deep masochist...
I just don't want to take care of another old person. The thought of it makes me sick. No one is alone in absolutely despising caregiving.