Hello,
I have been reading the forum on this site for a while and find it so helpful, so thank you for all the support.
I live with my mother who is 80 and is in mid-Stage Alzheimer’s (score of 14/30 on MMSE). She is the sweetest mother and I am so blessed to have her. She does show frustration at times (which is the dementia), has gotten lost in the area she has lived in for 50yrs, does no shopping, cleaning, cooking or organizing of her own day. She lays down a lot. I have to force her out of bed in the morning after she has been resting for over 12 hours only to have her lay down again after a quick breakfast. She has developed the OCD habits of dementia (obsessively picking lint out of the carpet, picking at her skin but refusing a bandaid so cuts can heal), incontinence in the morning. Of course she will have been in bed for over 12 hours when it happens so I understand. I get her to wear a Tena pad before going to bed but I hear her tear it off in the middle of the night. She is not cleaning herself properly after bowel movements or in the shower as evidenced from stool on the towels and soap. Plus other symptoms of Alzheimer’s. After she got lost my brother thankfully agreed to look after her during the day while I was working and goes home when I get there. But I am going crazy with stress, worry, fear and frustration and my brother needs to get his career going.
Anyway at her last doctor’s appointment he told her that he is no longer suggesting she go to assisted living but now strongly advising and faxed off the “prescription” order to the assisted living that she liked the most. The order states that she is to take the next available room.
My mother does not want to move because she loves her home and feels perfectly fine. “There is nothing wrong with me” she will state to me. And needs a list of what she has done wrong or done that is dangerous. She tends to forget that her doctor made the order. We (my brother and I) went ahead and convinced her to sign the lease for a beautiful room at the assisted living home that she likes. She of course has forgotten this and when we remind her she does not want to be involved in the planning or anything. We are planning on moving her in May 31st.
I just feel so bad not telling her what is going on. Our plan is for her to go out for her usual coffee with her friend and have the movers come to move her belongings to the residence. After the coffee my brother will go pick her up from the coffee house and take her to the residence for lunch while I move her in.
I am beyond stressed, worried, nervous and feel so guilty.
Is mid-stage Alzheimer’s a good time to move a person to assisted living? Am I being selfish for doing this to my mom?
Any tips on how to ease the move and transition?
Should I tell her what is happening the day of or the night before? Or just let her know once she is at the residence?
I can’t believe this is happening. I feel so bad not involving her but telling her upsets her.
Sorry for the ramble.
I am so lost.
Thank you for your time reading this and for any advice you have.
Thank you.
not visit for a few days while she adjusts. It depends on the person I suppose.
Do they know about the incontinence at the assisted living? Some places will want the residents with this issue to be able to change themselves. Do they offer memory care?
Thank you for your reply. I am trying to be strong and just focusing on the future with my mother being safely at the new residence and healthy and hopefully happy. I don’t know if the residence knows about the morning incontinence as it was my brother who was discussing with the resident care advisor about our mother and her test results from the residence’s tests. I will mention it when I go on Monday to fill out more paperwork.
Thank you for your help. I will inquire with the residence what they have seen works the best for their clients.
Has mom's doc given her any meds for agitation, or at least to ease the transition? If not, please ASK for some.
Thank you again for your help.
I would not tell her in advance. Why bother? It will just prolong that stage which I assume is going to be negative.
Maybe try to have something fun and/or comforting for her to have/use/eat when you get to her new place?
I wish I had helpful advice for you but I wish you the best of luck.