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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Never tell a person with dementia something that's being planned months from now or even an hour from now. Don't try to discuss mom moving to assisted living. No good will come of it. All that will happen is that she'll likely work herself up and this will make caregiving harder for you. Don't do it. On the day she moves into AL tell her when she's at the facility then let the staff take it from there. They will probably tell you to not visit for a week or so. This is so the new resident can get acclimated. Once mom is settled in, take some time off. Be kind to yourself. Go on a vacation. Have friends over to dinner. If mother is 102, you're not a young woman yourself. Get some rest. Maybe even start talking to a therapist to help you work through all the negative feelings that come with caregiver burnout.
Why on earth are you “telling” your mother ANYTHING about something that you expect to happen in a number of months?
Is she able to care for herself in her Assisted Living? If so BACK OFF. If not, determine what she needs and compensate someone else to “be there” for her. NOT YOU!
Ask yourself- Am I making Mother’s life OR MY LIFE better by obsessively focusing on someone else’s needs before my own?
Does she reciprocate? If not, you have NO EXCUSE for neglecting your own needs and enthusiasms. Time to be your own best care giver ever. If you’ve forgotten doing that, you’ll FIND that your “compassion fatigue” will dissipate with each kindness to yourself.
Your profile states, "I am a deeply caring person who sometimes gives too much to the detriment of my own emotional & physical health. I often have the feeling of never being enough. I’m very concerned for myself when I tell my 102 yr old mother she’s moving to a nursing home in the fall. I have always had a difficult relationship with my narcissistic mother and have suffered from severe depression & anxiety because of it. I am an extremely responsible & caring daughter out of obligation to another human being, not love. I look forward to the day my mother is not on my “to do” list."
First, you are not responsible for anyone else's happiness (you can't control that unless you are God). Next, you believe you are "extremely responsible person" but others might see that as someone who doesn't see boundaries, especially their own. You need to identify boundaries so that you are in control of you only (and protected against exactly what is now happening). Finally, your primary responsibility is to your own immediate family (partner and children) and that's it. You may benefit greatly from a therapist who will help you ease out of the emotional and psychological burden that is causing your guilt. Many on this forum have been greatly helped by an objective perspective of their situation, and the wisdom of a counselor. May you gain peace in your heart.
I watched the film Groundhog Day recently... so my reply springs from that.
I suppose stop living the same day over & over comes to mind. Start thinking about the life you want to lead, preparing what you could change. Start making small steps towards the changes you want to happen. The change will have to come from you.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
On the day she moves into AL tell her when she's at the facility then let the staff take it from there. They will probably tell you to not visit for a week or so. This is so the new resident can get acclimated.
Once mom is settled in, take some time off. Be kind to yourself. Go on a vacation. Have friends over to dinner. If mother is 102, you're not a young woman yourself. Get some rest. Maybe even start talking to a therapist to help you work through all the negative feelings that come with caregiver burnout.
Is she able to care for herself in her Assisted Living? If so BACK OFF. If not, determine what she needs and compensate someone else to “be there” for her. NOT YOU!
Ask yourself- Am I making Mother’s life OR MY LIFE better by obsessively focusing on someone else’s needs before my own?
Does she reciprocate? If not, you have NO EXCUSE for neglecting your own needs and enthusiasms. Time to be your own best care giver ever. If you’ve forgotten doing that, you’ll FIND that your “compassion fatigue” will dissipate with each kindness to yourself.
START TODAY!
First, you are not responsible for anyone else's happiness (you can't control that unless you are God). Next, you believe you are "extremely responsible person" but others might see that as someone who doesn't see boundaries, especially their own. You need to identify boundaries so that you are in control of you only (and protected against exactly what is now happening). Finally, your primary responsibility is to your own immediate family (partner and children) and that's it. You may benefit greatly from a therapist who will help you ease out of the emotional and psychological burden that is causing your guilt. Many on this forum have been greatly helped by an objective perspective of their situation, and the wisdom of a counselor. May you gain peace in your heart.
I suppose stop living the same day over & over comes to mind. Start thinking about the life you want to lead, preparing what you could change. Start making small steps towards the changes you want to happen. The change will have to come from you.