How can I get mom to stop sending money to mail-in sweepstakes? She refuses to believe they are scams!

If he is buying money pak cards then he is likely giving that info to phone scammers who got his phone info from the mail scammers. I recommend that you send the letters to get the mail to stop and then have his phone number changed. Do it in that order or changing his number will be a useless effort as he will give out his new number when filling out his "applications". I have gone through this with my dad and the only thing that worked with him was to get the mail to stop by sending the letters. Good luck to you in resolving this. Be patient you can win this battle.

If you cotact the Postal Inspectors office they may be able to help you recover some of the money from the scammers. You will need to know which ones he sent money to but that should be fairly easy if you can get access to his checking account to look at the cancelled checks.

There is a way to get the scammers to stop sending mail to him. You need to write a letter to each scam outfit and tell them to stop. According to US Postal regulations they must stop in 60 days of face fines. There are some web sites that may help you listed under stop scam mail.

Thanks karenp. No, he gets an air force retirement check and social security enough to pay the assisted living facility and bills and to spend an additional $2000 a month on this stuff, although he is going way beyond this every month, and thus the loss of 2/3 of his life savings. Also, he is not sick enough to be in the dementia or physically impaired wings that do not allow patients to leave on their own, despite using a walker, so he can go out any time if he signs out of the facility to the post office, bank or CVS to buy those moneycards. Ironically he passes the dementia tests with flying colors, some mild cognitave impairment is what his doctors tell me although they admit this obsession is totally crazy and try to work with him on curtailing it, but he listens to them even less than to me, and lies to them as well, as do his bankers and the administrators at the home, so the only way to prove him incompetent is to demonstrate how insanely he is using his money, which one lawyer told me he actually legally can do (he can also gamble it away, marry a 21-year old gold-digger that he meets online, throw it in the street, etc, as under the law a person has the right to use his money as foolishly as he wishes, from what the lawyer said). Also I would lose my dad's "love" (ha, this can't be how he shows it, all we end up doing is arguing every week when I catch him in his absurd lies that he tries to pass of to avoid my catching him, as he doesnt get that I can see every withdrawal and a copy of every check he writes online, and he somehow leaves the money order receipts around for me to see when I visit as if to taunt me) and, besides, he will go into a furious tirade and stop speaking to me for a long time if I try to take away his independence...and what if he passes away during the cold spell and I would feel guilty for the rest of my life (although I wouldn't mind not speaking to him at all, as all he talks about is how in the next week the money will come in and what he will do with it, even though I ask him to not tell me about this nonsense, and only see him and speak to him now out of a sense of duty). I think at this point his obsession is also proving me wrong all of these years as well. I am turning over his finances to someone else so I don't have to see the money go and get aggravated. If I try to remind him of how he wanted to leave that money to us, how he used to proudly send me statements every few months of how much it is and what banks/accounts everything is in so I would have access easily when the time came, even though I asked him to stop because it was morbid)he accuses me of just caring about his money and my inheritance, and hoping he will die soon so I can have it, and of killing him now anyway by spying on him, restricting him and reprimanding him and ruining his now-shorter life (can I live with this guilt as well if he does die soon that I helped caused it?). Glad I don't have the car key argument anymore. Someone saw how erratically he drives (accidents almost every month and driving on the sidewalk next to his bank didn't seem to deter the local police and his insurance agency from doing anything) and made a formal complaint so the police asked his doctor to fill out a form that he was fit to drive, which they wouldn't do since they suspect he can't safely and don't want to get sued if he kills someone, even though he has no specific disability or illness that they can report other than old age) and the DOV finally took his license away which has infuriated him even more but made the world a safer place. He is becoming extremely mean, and horribly verbally abusive, but even the home says he is too clever and both outsmarts them and gets into rages that they can't control when he feels cornered or restricted. I know my giving in to the scammers only allows them to keep on doing this to this column's readers parents, but I am unable to do anything anyway, and my dad has probably won the patsy prize and is on every mailing/calling list for being the US's prime gullible idiot, so they win. Sorry folks.

Wow lgb, your post scares me. Does your dad have dementia? If your dad is in assisted living, how does he get his mail?

Yes, your mental health is important. And I would probably not try arguing with your dad because it results in nothing except hurt and angry feelings all around.

I would NOT give up though. If he were in his right mind (clearly he's not), he would rather the money to go to his family than to these scammers. He is not able to realize, or not willing to realize, that he is throwing good money after bad.
I would seriously consider other tactics, yes, maybe getting him deemed incompetent, would be the thing to do.

Here's how I look at it. He can either give the money to bullshi* idiots, or to you.

I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU, but this has me really pissed off! I want the money to go to you. We're not talking about money for his: food, clothing, shelter, etc, right?!

My 89 year old dad is still at it ( see two earlier posts), giving huge amounts of money to the scammers and I am giving up...they can have it. My mental health is more important than keeping him from throwing away the rest of my and my daughter's inheritance. He is now getting close to the $200,000 mark (yes two hundred thousand dollars) that he has given to scammers over the last 10 years (only $100,000 left of his life savings, which he formerly was so proud of having to leave to me and my daughter). I placed him in an assisted living facility to try to stop it, but they too are frustrated and say that under the law there isn't anything they can do. They stopped giving him any mail except obvious bank statements and the like, but he goes directly to the post office to get the mail before it arrives behind their backs. I have POA, but that doesn't help, as I can't transfer more than $13,500 to my account every year as a "gift" without a tax penalty, and I can't stop him from taking cash out and running to get money orders even if I now take care of all his finances and don't let him have any checks (he used to write hundreds of $20-60 checks each month and spend at least $3000 a month). And now has started on a new type of scam where they call and tell him that he has won $8 million but he needs to go get thousands of dollars of green dot moneypacks from the pharmacy and give them the number of the card, which allows them to take the money. He has already paid $6000 this month so far to these new scammers. I scream, cry, reason, send him copies of scam alerts relating to each scam as he starts, talk to his psychiatrist, etc. to no avail. He either denies he is doing it, says he is working with the fbi catching the scammers so he has to keep on doing it to help the fbi catch them, says all the past ones were scams but this time the $8 million is real, etc! He is angry with me for interfering with his life and his "fun". Maybe he is right, it is his money and I have no right to stop him. I have little money and have been unemployed for a few years (and at 60 its not easy to find a new position) and could have badly used the inheritance for my own old age, and it also galls me to have thieves take it (if he had spent it on something real or a vacation around the world I would not have minded). But I can't go on ruining my life over this, nor ruining my daughter's, who has also been trying to stop him and who has been working her way through college while her grandfather throws so much money down the tubes. Only thing left to do would be to declare him incompetent if I could, but aside from the huge cost would alienate him from me even more. The scammers have won.

Feelings mutual. I did a show on how my Dad was taking advantage untill 60K was gone to scammers.

hope this helps, what I do is get the mail since my mom lives with me, I go through it and only give her 2 pieces of mail a day, the rest I rip up and throw away, only publishers clearing house sweepstakes do i give her and some charties that she will donate 10 dollars to as she is very generous and this makes her feel good, lots of hugs

Hey Claudia, SOOOO happy I helped you. None of this is easy. I am learning by trial and error. I know with my mom's dementia that almost every single day she would ask about the mail and I would tell her that "the doctor had said that you shouldn't be handling the mail because you are having a little bit of memory loss here and there." Was she satisfied by my answer? Hell, no! BUT at least it took the burden off me being the bad guy. The doctor had said it was okay to make her "the bad guy." If you have go to any of your mom's doctor's appointments with her, perhaps you could tell the dr (out of earshot of your mom of course) what you have done and why you have had to do it. Presumably her dr already knows what is going on and will support you. You can either use the same excuse I used or make up one of your own.

My mother's dementia has escalated from mild/moderate to moderate now in less than a year. She no longer asks about the mail as intently as she did before. She probably asks about once a month. Initially she would DEMAND that we both go to the post office and have it changed back. I would either say "you have to get the ok from the dr. in order to do that mom" (invariably she would forget by the time the dr;'s appt came around), or I would just distract her.

I will pray for you tonight. You are a wonderful daughter Claudia!

Karen

Karen,

The person who told me that my mom could change her mail back must have been mistaken, my brother called her post office after I got your message and talked to them and was told she would not be allowed to change her mail back since we provided them with the POA. I just hope in six months that she has moved on. I have spent the last two months researching this and I think your solution is the one that will do the trick and I thank you.
As far as the sweep companies go check the back of the checks and google the names of the company for contact info. I actually received a portion of what my mom sent to one company and I am waiting to hear from one other. I am setting up an account for her that she knows nothing about, so if she needs money down the road she has a little stash.

Thanks so much for your great suggestions. You're the best

Claudia

Claudia,

Your post concerns me greatly. When I went to the post office and told them that mom has dementia and that I want the mail to come to me I met with the supervisor in a small office so I could explain my actions to her. She asked if I had POA. I told the supervisor that I did. She said to get her a copy of it. I gave her a copy. I asked what would happen if my mom came into the post office and told them that she wanted her mail to be delivered back to her. The supervisor told me that because I have POA, she would explain to my mom that it is best for the mail to come to me.

I would suggest you:
1. Go back to the post office with a copy of the POA and any supporting documents about your mom's condition
2. Ask to speak to a supervisor in a separate office as this is a personal matter
3. Explain what problems have occurred because of your mom handling the mail, e.g. paying the wrong amount, ordering things she doesn't need, giving all her money away to every single charity that comes a knocking in the mailbox
4. Show her the document/s outlining your mom's condition/disability/dementia whatever. I doubt they will want to keep any of them.
5. Give them a copy of the POA and tell them that you are representing your mother who cannot represent her wishes anymore. Why? Because of her dementia/disability

When I spoke to the supervisor, I made it very personal and I think that helped.

Claudia, please let me know how it goes.

KarenP,
I have POA so I went to the post office and forwarded my mom's mail but they told me if she wanted it back she could, when my mom find out I am sure she will go to the post office. How did you get the post office to help me and comply?

I did take her off of some mailing lists and even receive a partial refund for her, however, now there are new ones, this could get to be a full time job.

Claudia

I had the same problem with my dad - almost to the letter - I found out how to fix it and have the information posted on a web site I built.

The above post makes me feel a little better. My Mother is also caught up in these sweepstakes. She now thinks that someone will bring her a check next month. She wrote 300 hundred checks in about six weeks. About 250 of them for entry fees, several political, and medical causes. I stopped buying her stamps. My fear is that monies will be removed from her checking account. It is hrd to believe she is ding these things.

Thanks. It was tough to do. Now my problem is getting my mom to wear her hearing aid (another thread here somewhere). Now I don't see that one as working out so well.

It's good to know that back in March, KarenP got this problem taken care of. Congratulations, Karen!

I have been sending letters to each of the scam mail generators telling them to stop sending mail to my dad. So far it seems to be helping but many of these folks do not seem to care about the law and I am not sure if the postal inspectors will do much about it. I am trying to follow the law and do my best but I am thinking that if you can get control of the incomming mail and toss out the scam stuff that is the best solution.

Best wishes getting this solved. For us it lasted a LONG time

That would be appreciated.

Norm

Surf3fin -
I might have some that i took from my dad. Same thing is happening to him. I'll check to see if I still have them.

Of course I would ask that the name and address be blocked out, torn off, or something as I do not want to obtain private information only the names and addresses of the scammers.

Thanks,

Norm

Karenp,

Would you be willing to send me the sweepstakes and scam mail that you are filtering for your Mom? I am compiling a database in hopes to help others with this problem and the more of these crooks I can get listed the better the list.

Norm

Norm, you are 2 sweet. Thanks so much for the offer. Since all the mail comes to my house now I don't have any problems with the sweepstakes crap. I rip that junk up before she gets it. I only give her the bills now.

She is getting so forgetful now that she half the time she doesn't even remember that the bills come here anymore. I went down to the post office and gave them a copy of the power of attorney and they re-route the mail to me. Mom went there to change it back and they said no. I'm glad they did or the sweepstakes would have my mom's money. The guy at the post office said that an old woman had been ripped off for 200K. I'll be damned if anyone gets their claws on our money. We have been ripped off in the past and I will do my darndest to not let that happen again!

You Mom sounds like she is on the same path as my Dad. Even the "I like doing it" is familiar. In my Dad's case education did not work and it even made him work harder to win a prize to prove me wrong (I told him that if they are asking for money they are likely crooks). Dad gets from 10 to 40 pieces of this mail each day! He thinks it is his job to go through it all and then he sends some of them money. I think I may have finally found out how to get the mail to stop but it is a lot of work. Once she has sent any money to them she gets on special mailing lists and her mail box will overflow. To get it to stop you need to send a letter requesting that they stop (of course with her permission) to each organization that is sending her mail. Once you send a letter the organization has 60 days to remove her from their mailing list and the Post Office will go after them if they do not stop. I am building a database and using mail merge to accomplish this for Dad. If you want more info please contact me.

Norm

Kedwards460, I absolutely do NOT think that you are being cold and uncaring about mom's money at all. And if that came across in my post to you, I do apologize.

Perhaps you feel that because she has been good to you that you shouldn't take away her happiness (pub clearing house). If only our seniors had the ability to rationalize their thoughts. They seem to lose the objectivity that we have and think in more subjective ways instead.

This is how I make my decisions: I ask myself "What is the worst thing that can possibly happen and I am ok with that?" So I asked and answered it like this: "The worst thing that can possibly happen is that mom gives all of her money away to Pub clearing house and all the other sweepstakes companies. No, I am not okay with that." And that is why I got involved.

Everyone's case is different. If this was "controlled" in some way, say, maybe $10-$20 spent per week, but it wasn't.. She didn't remember that she has ordered magazines. She didn't remember that she had ordered microfiber cloths and a chintzy looking necklace/earring set.

To me, the worst predator is one who preys on the weak: our elderly are weak and trusting and believe the lies of con artists that show up at their door and sweepstakes turning up in their mailboxes yelling "you've won, you've won, just send us all your money until you're broke. Why? Because you've won!"

I do have POA and do get the mail directed here. I filter the mail and ONLY give my mom none sweepstakes/charity related mail. I don't give a hoot whether what I do is legal or not. Go ahead Mr. Mailman, I dare you to challenge me! Instead I care about my mother and want her to live her life with the little bit of money she has left so she can enjoy herself and have fun. Her money is hers, and does not belong to the sweepstakes and charities of the world. She has donated more than enough to both of them.

Yes, I am passionate about this. My dad is watching us from heaven. He slaved his ass off to acquire a little bit of money from his family. To see it being WASTED on sweepstakes and bogus charities is a SIN.

Okay, thanks for letting me vent!

You need to take her to the doctors and become Power of Attorney. If you go for conservatorship, it will cost ALOT. Trust me, I did it, and my mother paid Probate fees and attorneys fees for 6 months. She needs her money managed and you can stop those mailings.
My mother kept saying "YES" to every charity that called. Then, I got stuck calling them all and explaining that she has dementia and to please put her on the "do not call list." Soon it will be another OBSESSION...that is what they do, obsess over something, hair appointments, a food, money, until you end up with high blood pressure, like me. GOOD LUCK and act fast. The doctors notes will help you, but you need to be able to access them. Being a POA will ensure this~

Karenp, I read what you said and I hope you dont' think I'm just being cold and uncaring about mom's money (I dont' think you are). I just feel kind of helpless. I'm her caregiver (in her house). I'm unemployed right now and being her caregiver is my job so she's paying my upkeep (like the gum surgery that I just had that cost plenty) and I don't feel I have a right to tell her what to do. She is pasteing Pub Clear. crap right now as I write. It's so annoying! I have decided as of this day forward I'm going to censor the mail though and not give her any more of this sweepstakes crapola. I don't know how much she's spent on useless items but it's filling up 2 boxes of crap that neither of us will EVER use (who would?). She keeps telling me "Well you go to bingo and buy lotto tkts". I dont' think it's the same (and I actually have won more @ bingo and scratch offs than she has at this LOL).

Kedwards460, I truly feel for you. And even though you may think of Publisher's Clearing House as legit, they're not as legit as they should be. They have been sued quite a few times for false advertising.

Truthfully, I look at my mother's money differently than you do. I just have a different take on it than you do. I consider how my mother really used to spend money (without the dementia thinking) and how she does it now. I also look at the possibility of her winning from any of the sweepstakes. It is ridiculously small.

I know that in the past, she would always say that people don't win from the sweepstakes and that they are a waste of money (and they are). Pub Clearing House should have a bomb dropped on them by all of the caregivers of our fragile, well intentioned seniors who are bombarded with the "you have won" crap that they get in the mail. They are truly the devil incarnate. They are NOT in business so our elders can win money, they are business to make MILLIONS of dollars off our elderly. I am doing my best to ensure that those vultures get not one penny from my mother. They can victimize some other senior, not my mom.

I'm going through this too although it's more like the "legitimate" sweepstakes - Pub. Clearing House. Mom keeps buying all sorts of "crap" and I cannot emphasize that word enough thinking that we're going to win. She spends hours poring over the rules on the back and filling and pasting. She keeps telling me that she's doing it for me so I'll have $$. Meanwhile, she's too tired to have the home aide come over and give her a shower or for me to give her a sponge bath but she has energy for this crap. This is new within the last few months. Is it dementia -- don't know. Obviously, some type of cognitive impairment. It's annoying to say the least but since it's her $$ and her house and she's paying all the necessary bills -- all I can do is be annoyed at this point. Probably will have to start intercepting the mail at some point just to save me from having a blowout with her.

karen, yep, that pretty much describes it. Ruth is in late stage Alz, and does not have many lucid moment anymore, but one second she would be angry about something and next second laughing about something I said. Just have to learn to be flexable, and go to thier world. Ruth no longer lives in mine. If she says it's raining then I agree with her. If she thinks I am Benny her long dead brother, then I am Benny. I can not imagine the hell that goes on in her head, the confusion, the fear, the feeling of being out of control all the time. And most of the time it is simply the tone of my voice. If I am calm, she will calm down. ect.
Right now she is in the NH while I heal from a broken knee that I received in one of her sundowning tirades. Could not get the family to listen that her sundowning was becomeing more violent. Now it is costing them a lot more than what a Dr. visit and some new meds would have cost. Oh well, such is the life of a caregiver.. Try posting on the "Gross" thread. You will meet more people, laugh and get hugs and a lot of good suggestions on the day to day things we do. You will also get to vent and be heard, not judged, and sent hugs. Hope you join us there, we have a lot of fun...