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How can you compromise? Dementia gets worse & believe me she won’t be able to be managed at home for very long. My 94 year old mother had dementia. It’s a nightmare. You don’t want to sign up for this. Instead, I advise you & sibs to get her into a facility. Son will be leaving friends & have to get adjusted to new school. Not really fair to him. Your mother will become very abusive. Do you want to subject yourself & your family to the ugliness that is guaranteed to occur? I wouldn’t. She will abuse you in front of your son. Make smart decisions..learn from my experience. In fact, look for a facility near you & move her there. Hugs 🤗
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Instead of moving your family, take a week of your time several times a year and give your extended family some respite care..
I am blessed that my family lives local and can all give time to care for our elderly mother.
It has been a difficult couple of years but it has taught our children that our elderly should not be discarded, but honored.
Mom was independent until 18 months ago and now is in hospice care. Praying for a peaceful passing.
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There are other ways to help your siblings rather than moving closer:
Be the respite care person for your siblings. Be there for 2 weeks or a month, so they can get time off. To your Mom, you can call it a visit or vacation. Learn everything you can from your siblings about her needs, but then stay with her if she has room, so that you really know what's going on. 48 hours is what I'm told in my support group, to really know. I understand wanting to teach your son about caring for family. You are doing so with the counseling, smart move.

Just some ideas. You have to do what's best for you. I'm sorry, but I side a bit with your son. Since he's in HS he can probably be OK without both parents present in the home for a couple of weeks? There could be a lot of challenges of which I'm unaware.
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Momheal1,

I get what you're saying. Believe me I do. People have differences in opinion. We all do. When someone asks for honesty that is what they should get from others. Honesty isn't always what a person wants to hear. It often doesn't come in gentle poetic language either, but it's always best to be truthful.
I described the poster being a martyr. I did that because I was brought up by the greatest martyr second only to Jesus Christ Himself.

My mother.

Now my mom is a person who never drew a breath that didn't have an ulterior motive of some kind with it. Having this kind of parent has taught me to recognize one very easily. Her language alone in the post pretty much verifies that. That kind of post isn't someone looking for support who can benefit from other people's experiences. "Am I Being Selfish?" is not a question that needs asking because a person's conscience answers them. It's more likely a person with a narcissistic personality who knows they're wrong but wants others to validate their selfishness and justify their actions.
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Children are rarely born angry - if it’s a pattern where your son’s needs, values or feelings consistently plot points for “hard love” or “life lessons” - the Long view on the relationship with your son likely to have life long impact. Sounds as if he may be your only child, making his friends if he is close - all the more important. Reading these comments - surprised not many addressing the heart of your question. The true cost to your immediate family and your own (only?) child. If you are close to your son you would feel fully the truth of the nature of his friendships & know his friends, likely well. If childhood friends, children form bonds similar to that of siblings. My own family also grappling with dementia - mom & alzheimers, dad. There are no words for how grateful I am for my child hood friends, that I am far closer to than my siblings who were deeply damaged by my mother’s narcissistic caretakimg & cruelty. (Martyr - entitled - bully) - not saying that is your case, but do think suggestions here to stay put and allow your child to live his best childhood, are 100% on point. There are so many ways you can support your family. In the long view, it will model prioritizing family first, to your immediate family. Your son’s feelings, voice & needs are your top priority in equal steady balance with your own, and your relationship with your husband, kind enough to go if you insist. You can always love him for that gift and return that favor, by putting your husband and son first.
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jkassd, much love and hugs- i was shocked at the uproar your post created. Hoping that asking members for advice hasn’t made your sit any worse but doubting. Do you have people that you know in person such as neighbors, friends, co-workers, face-to-face support groups and school counselors that know your family well? to ask for advice. More love and hugs to you and your family.
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