I have been home taking care of my mom with dementia for 2 years now, and just this past week started back to my old job and my problem is, the boss and co workers don't think I should have taken the timeout for my parents and even seem angry that I did. My mom was bedridden from hospital stay for 8 mos., and my dad was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer on hospice. I would have stayed at work if I could and had the help but I didn't and I just didn't see my poor dad changing my mom or taking care of her wounds when he was left with no energy. He tried changing my mom one day and I saw him try his hardest and he just couldn't. It was the scariest I've ever seen. How life changes so fast. But anyways back to no compassion. I've heard a few say that they would have never quit their job and it was dumb to do because we have children and everyone is faced with it but would not go to that extreme. I love being Me, and I don't regret my decision but I hate all the critisism. I am at a loss of words for these people. I just couldn't do it. Yes, I have children but I also love my parents. I just don't get people. Yes my annual salary cannot be recovered but my heart is full of love and compassion and patience and that came with my role as caregiver. I still take care of my mom , she lives with me but I had to get some insurance for me and my family. I am 40 yrs young and my mom is still at home with me and family but I haven't left my caregiver badge because I am still a big part in this. A price too few, people will pay but it doesn't mean I am not the same person. Well I am but far more better qualities then before. I just hate the finger pointing and the misunderstanding that I (took a long vacation). but by all means it has never been a vacation. Any caregiver will back me up on this one. Our pay does not come in monetary form but spiritual. But why do people shrug it off like it's no big deal? Just wondering if anyone has advice or been through what I am going through
Fast forward a bunch of years. My husband developed dementia. I stayed home to care for him the first year, worked from home after that, and again stopped working when he went into hospice care.
I realize now that if you haven't been through it, (or at least seen someone go through it up close and personal) you really can't comprehend what caregiving an adult is like. Your co-workers are probably not mean-spirited or lacking in compassion. They are just ignorant. Some of them someday may face decisions you had to make, and they may decide in ways they don't anticipate now.
I don't think that the career sacrifice is a price too few will make. This forum is ample evidence that huge numbers of people do make this sacrifice everyday. You don't happen to work with them right now.
You made a decision. You are satisfied with it. You would make the same decision again. Don't let it bother you if others don't understand it. You don't need words for these people. You certainly don't need to justify yourself. You might say something like "Yes, it really is hard to understand until you are faced with the situation."