Hello !
Maybe as you know it my daddy is at the hospital because he has pneumonia.
Since he has been there (3-4 days) his condition has evolved in a good way. He regained some weight and even if Dad stays on a drip and with a breathing mask he should be able to take them off in two short weeks, which is still pretty positive.
Now it is true that he is still very weak, his face is very tired, he has a really pale complexion. And he gets tired very quickly, he told me several times of his desire to see the children, who I recall are 2 and 4 years old. Also the older one has asked to see him too and the small one often ask where his grandfather is and say he misses him.
It seems obvious to me that all three have a great desire to see each other. The hospital allows visits from the children as long as they are calm (which they are), but what I fear is their reaction to the sight of my daddy's physical condition and especially with all the machines. Even when explaining to them, I don't really know what I could say to them to prepare for this terrible shock which would hurt all three of them, especially my dad. I need your opinion.
Do you already think that it is wise to bring the children to him, who so want to see him and who would bring him so much joy and innocence ? And then how to explain to the children his condition who might be a little shocked ?
Maybe "tour" around the hospital first, talk about the departments and what nurses do and how patients get meals.
Then to visit him, your children will have a context and background and can not be overwhelmed with smells and sounds and sights or unusual things.
When my children were in the 8 to 10 year old range, my daddy, their beloved, very active in their lives, Grandpa. Became terminal with Mesothelioma. As far as I am concerned, it is one of the most horrible ways to go. He wanted to die at home and so we did that. We treated it as part of the normal circle of life. They would go in before school and tell him goodby, after school, they would sit with him and do homework and watch TV. I had girlfriends who didn't think it was good for them to see this. So, I asked them if they would feel better if Grandpa went to the hospital. Back in 1974 children couldn't go to the hospital. They both said 'No, if he went to the hospital, they couldn't see him". So they saw all the sad, tough, things that went on. We believe that this life is not all there is, and they will see Grandpa in the resurrection. Any medical supplies and equipment was explained in detail. ie: oxygen cannulas' etc. They were not scared, they are in their 50's now and have always handled life and death in a positive way. There is a funny story about their uncle's funeral that I will tell some other time.
When I was about 12, my cousin died. I was not allowed to go to the service, because it would, I don't know do something bad to me, I didn't even know where he was buried for years. I found the place after looking at several cemeteries. I had a hard time forgiving my mother for not letting me say Goodby to Billy. Billy was 8 and his sister was 3. She didn't even know where he was buried either. When I found his grave, I sent her a photo of the headstone and she cried and cried because she finally "found" him.
I saw my uncle in the hospital as a teenager. It made me sad but I wasn’t afraid. Same with seeing my mom in the hospital as a teen. My mom was very healthy in my youth, but needed a hysterectomy later on, and I went to see her. I was glad to see her. She was glad to see me. It wasn’t scary at all. She was joking with her nurse saying that she was glad to have a break from cooking! Hahaha 🤣 My mom and grandma were excellent cooks and actually enjoyed cooking but I suppose that it was nice for her to have a break. She cooked for six kids, four of her own and my two cousins that she and daddy took in after my aunt and uncle died.
When my dad was in the hospital my kids went to visit. They were very close to my dad. He lit up with joy when he saw them. They were glad to see him.
I think it depends on the circumstances and the children that are involved. I would not make it a long visit. I kept the visits to my dad short and sweet.
So this Sunday I took the children to see their grandfather.
Beforehand I had taken pictures of him in his bed with all the equipment and made a drawing to explain the functions of the machines to them. I had them run around the house so that they could feel the sensation of shortness of breath and understand better.
Friday they called him by FaceTime for 10 short minutes. They reacted well and were very very smiling, they asked all their questions. My dad was very moved to see them.
Sunday we arrived a little early so that I could show them around the hospital, the different parts and the garden.
When they got to the room my dad was asleep and I preferred to wait for him to wake up. 30 minutes later he woke up and the children sat on his bed, they hugged each other, my dad read them a story, they gave him pictures they had made and after talking a little of their week at school, of the future vacation, they left to let him rest. They stayed 45 minutes in total, with the 30 minutes my daddy slept.
On the way home they asked me more questions and we talked about what might happen after discharge from the hospital and the happy memories the three of them have.
So everything was fine and this is because of you. I wouldn’t had all those wonderful ideas without you so I really wanted to thank you !
XXX
Mary 🪴