Thanks to all! We've narrowed our options re: moving my brother from one AL to another (he's running out of money, needs to reduce monthly expenses, and eventually apply for Medicaid).
Now... mom is also in the same facility our brother is currently in. She's 97. Her PT and others tell us she doesn't look 97, but her memory (both short- and long-term) vary by day and whether she has a UTI. She's wheelchair bound but can transfer herself and get in/out of bed. Thus far, the advice we've received is to NOT move her until she's forced out to a nursing home, or memory care. We were also told the change to her room layout, where the bathroom is, where the dining hall is, etc... more often than not would lead to a spiral down. On the flip side we're wondering how she'll do when my brother is no longer there to meet her for meals. She doesn't make new friends or even want to sit with others in the dining hall. The care at the current facility has gone downhill (but it's apparently like that everywhere) though basic needs are being met and we're in a situation where we don't want to rock the boat for fear of being shown the door. When our brother was in isolation for Covid, mom also had a UTI at the time, and she wasn't herself. We went at least 1x daily, to ensure she ate at least one meal, and got an Ensure shake. Otherwise she'd say she wasn't hungry.
If she stays where she's at, they will be about 30 minutes apart from each other. The thinking is she will get the priority on checking-on, and my brother may wind up with 1x a week visits. There's just so much we can do each day with our other responsibilities, work, etc...
Anyway - should we stay the course and NOT move her. Or is there an acceptable situation where moving may be worth it (other than saving $2k/month and having the two together in one facility).
I just came over your first posted where I replied. If you are talking Medicaid transferring brother to a NH when his money runs out, no problem. But if you are talking Medicaid to pay for an AL, you better check with a Medicaid caseworker how and if your State pays for an AL.
As I explain in my last post, my State will only pay for an AL if you have paid privately for an AL at least 2 years. I think, the 2 years covers just the AL you have been residing in. Not sure if you can change ALs and add time spent in each to make the 2 years private pay? Make sure you know the Medicaid rules for your State where ALs are involved.
I vote to move your mother into the same place. If both your mom's short- and long-term memory aren't good, I don't think the change will be that upsetting (as indicated by her indifference when your brother doesn't show up for a meal). I wish you a smooth and peaceful transition!
So Brother has to move. Moving Mom is a choice - with many important pros & cons.
Even with the long & short memory issues you mentioned, even if I'm could not 100% comprehend the situation or retain it I am wondering what her values & priorities would be. When you say "Brother is moving" is her response acceptance & that's ok or more no he is not! I suppose I am wondering if being with him everyday is her top priority, if they have always been together, or if she is someone happy with her own company/own space.
Would it be possible to move your Brother first then take a wait & see approach?
We can also take a wait and see approach. The only reason we might not, would be our other option for facility could save them both additional money by having an adjoining suite, but that would require them both moving at the same time.