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Hello one and all,
I shyly admit that I have been reading your posts daily for a few years and have only posted once. Your site is amazing and all the support and advice is irreplaceable.
June of 2019 we moved my mother to a beautiful ALF at the recommendation of her doctor. I still live with the guilt. She seems to have adjusted which is great. This week we were advised a person was briefly in the building and later tested positive for COVID. The residence tested all employees and residents Tuesday and sadly my mother test positive. As of Friday evening we were advised that she is stable, no fever, no cough, no oxygen level issues (they check them 2 a day). Basically saying if they hadn’t had a positive test for her no one would know she is positive. All great news. I personally am beside myself with worry and fear. Is it possible that she is asymptomatic? Or if she heaven forbid gets symptoms that they will be mild? When can I Hopefully exhale knowing she is ok when I currently am terrified of the phone ringing telling me she has spiked a fever? Some sites said the average time frame a person will show symptoms is 5-6 after exposure which she has made. But nothing is ever clear. Has anyone had any experience with this? Hopefully positive experience. Gosh the last few years have been rough with no sign of improving.


Thank you in advance for your response. I really do appreciate it.


huge hug for all of those who are going through stressful times with those they love so dearly.

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I would bet that there are many many people that are asymptomatic. One of the very reasons that everyone should wear a mask and practice Social Distance and handwashing often.
If she is otherwise pretty healthy with no dramatic underlying conditions there is a very good possibility that this will not effect her much at all.
If you indicated in your profile that she had COPD, Asthma, cancer or any other major health problem it might be more of a risk.
All that said there have been plenty of people that have been healthy that have not gotten thorough this at all or without some other health problem as a result.
Big question is ..Do you know what her wishes are? Does she have a POLST? (or DNR) If not this might be the time to have a family discussion about what steps to take if and when any decisions need to be made. It could be next week, next month or next yea, you never know it is just a good idea to have a plan in place so no one is making decisions when pressured in an "emergency"
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MTL1974 Nov 2020
Thank you for your quick reply. Yes luckily my mother’s only health issues are Alzheimer’s and high cholesterol. Other then that she is in great health, completely mobile etc. She does have a DNR. I am her POA for everything which sadly adds to my stress but I have told my brother that she is a DNR just in case the worst comes sooner then we think and in case I am too upset to relay the info. I am so blessed with my mother as she not only set up her POA, Mandate, and medical wishes but preplanned and prepaid for her funeral, she even went so far as to discuss with her minister her funeral ceremony wishes. This was all done years ago so thankfully I don’t have to figure out what she would want when the time comes. How I pray she makes it through this.
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Yes, she may remain without symptoms. Due to not testing for antibodies we really have no idea how many are getting this without symptoms, but it appears more than we previously thought. Realistically you will likely have to wait the 14 days isolation to be certain whether or not she is going to get some symptoms. But I think if you see none for 10 days you are more than likely home free. Meanwhile lets hope. It is on the rise in a big way with 125,000 positive yesterday alone. I hope she will be OK with the isolation period. Fingers crossed and counting the days down with you; hoping you will update us. You are a good writer. Hope to see you here more often. You have things you have learned that can help others!
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MTL1974 Nov 2020
Thank you very much for the support it really does help. Actually brings tears to my eyes. Yes this virus is everywhere and I do not blame anyone. No one knowingly brought the virus into my mother’s community. Her community got through the 1st wave with no cases at all, it was just a question of time of when it will rear its ugly head. I know her residence is doing everything they can to help her and to try and avoid any further transmission. Horrible feeling so helpless. With dementia it sadly goes from feeling helpless to feeling completely hopeless. But there is a bit of light in communities like this. Thank you again for your reply.
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Everyone's immune system is different. It's likely she won't show any symptoms if she has not by now.

Be grateful for this small favor and go on. I am glad your mom is adapting well. That alone is a huge challenge!
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MTL1974 Nov 2020
Thank you,
i pray you are right that since my mother has made it this far without symptoms that she could very well be asymptomatic. Thank you again.
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At my dad's assisted living they managed to stay Covid free until they offered patio visits with the residents (by appointment only, 6 feet away separated by a plexiglass shield and wearing face masks). Even with all those precautions it introduced Covid to the facility. The good news is that the residents and staff with Covid were only identified after routine testing, not symptoms. They had 7 residents and 3 staff with Covid all of whom had no to very light symptoms. My theory is that the viral load of was very low due to all the precautions that they had taken. They did testing on the infected residents and staff until they showed that there was no infection - about two weeks. They also did another round of testing of all residents and staff to assure that there were no other cases hiding.
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MTL1974 Nov 2020
Thank you for your reply. It is reassuring to read. My mother was identified with COVID because someone in the community had tested positive so the residence tested everyone. Quite a few tested positive (18% of the community), your reply gives me hope that not only my mother but most of those who also tested positive will get through this fine and get through it with a bit of immunity. Thank you again. I know there are no guarantees but it is a hopeful read.
thank you for sharing your story.
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After following the course of a positive Covid patient about six months, it was suggested the test was inaccurate-a false positive due to a pre-existing illness.

Others have tested positive, (reportedly) and turns out to be a clerical error.
Because it was said online that the person had left before being tested.

Demand (ask nicely) for a re-test, because the last thing you would want is to have your mother isolated among the Covid-positive population. (Not moved to a room with other patients.) As long as she is quarantined in her own room, maybe that will be okay, but I am not sure.

Wait the 14 days of quarantine and retest. That is what I would do. But then, this is a tricky time to be alive for anyone.

If someone has followed the best Covid restrictions, that is a start in the right direction. imo.

Glad to hear that your Mom is not sick.
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Absolutely possible she'll have no symptoms, or she may and will recover. My mother's place had 10 residents come down with it, and the majority had few or no symptoms.
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It's also very possible your mother had a FALSE positive reading on her covid test. There a dime a dozen these days, unfortunately.

Don't feel guilty about placing your mom in a beautiful ALF where she's well adjusted, that makes no sense.

Don't assume your mother will become symptomatic with a virus which has a gigantically huge recovery rate.

Even if she does become symptomatic, she may easily recover from the virus which is now a whole lot more treatable for ALL ages than it was even a few months ago.

We have several AC members here who's mom's have gotten a real case of covid with all the symptoms and recovered fully. Most were in their mid to late 90s.

Try to relax and put the fear and worry out of your mind. Worry accomplishes nothing except to maybe make YOU sick. And then what?

Wishing you the best of luck!
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Little update:
first of all thank you for all your responses they truly are helpful.

i received a call on Sunday from my mother’s residence saying that she fell and hit her head. They Said she appeared fine (no issues walking or talking, blood pressure good, oxygen levels good, no fever) but would I like for them to send her to the hospital? After speaking with the head nurse we decided since she is COVID positive and had Alzheimer’s and appears unfazed by the fall it could be more stressful for her to go to the hospital so I decided to keep her at her residence where they would monitor her closely. Thankfully she did not have any symptoms of a concussion or internal bleeding. This morning she wouldn’t eat breakfast and was grumpy but still normal blood pressure, oxygen and temperature. I received a call this evening from the nurse to say that the nurse managed to get her to eat a little and have some juice which is good but she spiked a fever of 101 degrees. They gave her Tylenol and it went down to 100 degrees. Her oxygen levels are really good. So I assume the fall was actually a symptom of COVID. (As I obsessively google symptoms of COVID in elderly) my stress level is now super high. I just pray that she gets very mild symptoms. Gosh these last few years have been terribly hard. Hopefully they will get better soon.
thanks for reading.
Any stories of those who had elderly loved ones with COVID symptoms similar to my mom’s who made it through ok or with only mild symptoms (never progressing to severe) are greatly appreciated. Gosh how to get rid of this constant anxiety and fear.....

thank you all for your time,
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AlvaDeer Nov 2020
You are understandably worried. She likely did fall; this is basically like a flu that gives a profound weakness. Worst thing is worrying about the O2 saturation; if it starts falling into the 80s and staying there that is of concern. The high temp is as well. The tylenol will mask the temp and relieve the discomfort of it a bit, but if there is a developing pneumonia that is the real enemy. Days 5-10 will be real worrisome, and there's just now way round it but to worry. I am glad you updated us.
Have you considered what will happen if she goes to hospital at any point and they ask you about a ventilator? Have you made any choices? Do know that if you feel she would not want the ventilator they will make her comfortable. It's something you want now to have a pretty good idea of whether you want it or not; for this and for anything in the future in all truth.
Keeping fingers crossed for Mom.
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I have had several family members to test positive. The one who had the least problem has been on hospice for three years..SHe has Parkinson’s and dementia. There were five in this group who had it all at the same time. My uncle had it the worst. He was hospitalized twice. His hospitalizations were about a month apart. My cousin believes her dad had it twice as he tested negative when they all did about two weeks after the first positive test and he appeared much better. Then he started back with fever and low O2 and tested positive when he was taken back to the hospital. He was sent back to the hospital because of very unstable BP.
Aunt only developed a bit of a red rash on one hand and then later blisters on her leg. That was it. The ones in their 50s still have some residual brain fog. Extreme tiredness was the number one complaint. They had oxygen on hand as aunt had been supplied by hospice. They needed it. Both parents are on hospice now.
I hope your mom continues to do well.
Oh and their symptoms started at diff times but within a day or two of each other.
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Another update in this continuing dementia/COVID saga. My mother was angry (much more then usual, Alzheimer’s is changing her personality to someone angry when she was always sweet, compassionate, caring etc) and since late Sunday refusing to eat, drink or take her meds. At the recommendation of the residence’s nurse I agreed to have her sent to the hospital for rehydration. She seems to have full blown delirium which surprisingly is a symptom of covid in the elderly. She did get a low grade fever again and needed oxygen for a few hours mostly due to her agitation. As of this morning she is in her own room at the hospital, her temperature is normal and oxygen is at 98% so very good. Her lungs are clear. They are testing for UTI and any other things that could be causing this delirium. At least I know that she is being watched and should she get worse (heaven forbid)they will help her right away. Her dr has discussed with me if she needs a ventilator or the ICU what her wishes were. So now the fear continues. I pray that she makes it through this and that somehow the delirium and anger disappear with the COVID. Her personality now is not at all my mother. It breaks my heart.

and selfishly I am so overwhelmed with constant fear of hearing the worst I can’t wait for the this stressful time to be over.

thank you all again for reading the update.
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My 80 year old mother has Lewey Body Dementia, is obese, and pretty much immobile. She is in a nursing home and caught Covid. She ran a slight fever for two days and her oxygen got just low enough for her to need a bipap machine for several days. We were still able to do window visits and she assured us she really did not have the virus because she was never coughing.
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Another update on my mother. She was admitted to the hospital and it seems that she is asymptomatic for COVID and the fever she had last week was due to a UTI. Well I say she is asymptomatic for COVID but she does seem to have delirium either as a symptom of the covid or perhaps the UTI or both? Anyway last Friday the doctor that was caring for her last week was saying that she is still in a foul mood (not normal for my super sweet mother) and is refusing food, drink and her meds. But she was not too concerned and figured she would be able to return to her residence the coming Tuesday. I tried to get some updates yesterday but since it is a COVID floor I understood. Today (Tuesday) I called and they let me know that a doctor would call me back. A little while later her doctor called. She is not going to be discharged right now. She is completely refusing all food, drink or medication. I asked if they could give her an IV and the doctor said since she is technically “competent” even with dementia he is not legally allowed to override her wishes. He has called a psychiatrist in to evaluate her. If the psychiatrist finds her incompetent then he can prescribe an IV with meds for her UTI and hopefully to calm her down and make her want to eat and drink. Since she is technically physically fine. I can’t believe that I am praying that my mother is designated incapable. I cannot believe she is refusing all food, drinks and medications. I am so afraid that the psychiatrist will find her competent and then I lose my mother. This is so horrible.

thank you for reading this. I am so distraught. My mother is the most compassionate, loving, sweet woman. She was a nurse for premies, a volunteer at a battered women’s shelter, a pastoral visitor. She just wanted everyone to feel loved, happy and safe. She could see the beauty in every day and every sunrise. I wish God could help. I am so lost.

thank you again for your time. I can’t believe my mother may pass away even though she is physically fine.
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AlvaDeer Nov 2020
Thank you for this update. Hoping that things get better. Covid apparently CAN cause hallucinations, something originally I wasn't aware of. I am surprised they would not support her for a few days to see if this thinking remains. My heart goes out to you. Hoping for the best for all.
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thank you AlvaDeer, I appreciate it.
the only way to get an IV in my mother would be to restrain her. Without restraints she pulls it out and for medication she refuses to take it. Since she can voice her wishes that she is perfectly fine, leave her alone until she is deemed incompetent they have to abide by her wishes. How I pray that she is deemed incompetent.

yes, I have been doing research and the doctor at my mother’s hospital confirmed it that a large amount of seniors seem to show no other symptoms of COVID other than Delirium. It may be due to inflammation but they are not sure. Fascinating when your loved one is not going through it.
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Hi ArtistDaughter,
thank you for your reply. When I ask her to take her medication she replies that she doesn’t need it she feels perfectly fine. I beg her and she just reiterates that she is fine. I even try if you take the medication, eat a bit and drink a bit you can get the heck out of here. But it doesn’t seem to help. Plus it breaks my heart to hear my mother’s sweet loving voice (how horrible is that to say. I hesitate to call my mother because hearing her voice breaks my heart, I feel like a horrible person). Even thinking of her voice while writing this tears are streaming down my face.

i just wish somehow that she starts to eat, drink and take her meds. I just pray for that. I wish God could hear me.
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Another update:
my mother is still in the hospital as she is refusing to eat or take her medications. They brought me in with the hope that I could convince her or at least get the reason why she is refusing food and medications. Sadly for the 1st time ever my mother had no idea who I was. She knew she has a son and daughter but I was definitely not her daughter. I tried speaking to her in the 3rd person about stories of her youth and her family but this just upset her. “How do you know all these things about me?!?!” She would ask angrily. I would tell her that I have known her a long time. I was able to tell her in 3rd person that my brother and I love her very much. But other then that me being there just made her more agitated. And it broke my heart. Can a UTI and COVID cause such a huge advance in dementia?
the doctor has had the psychiatrist try to speak with her twice but each time she refuses to speak to him. Since she supposedly asks intelligent questions like “why are you giving me these medications? What are they for?” She cannot for now be deemed incapable. So the doctors cannot force medications or fluid in her. The doctor has a call in to a geriatrician to hopefully see her and I have calls in to the hospital social workers. All the doctors can do is keep her safe and keep trying to get her to eat, drink and take her medications. If she loses consciousness then they could give her meds and fluids by IV.
there is this horrible part of me that hopes that if she will not mentally be able to get back to how she was before COVID and the UTI that perhaps she will be ok to pass away and end the years of decline and losing herself. She would hate to see or be aware of who she is now. All very angry and upset and defiant. How horrible is that? And so selfish of me since I am so tired of feeling so afraid all the time and terrified of my phone ringing etc. This is horrible. I feel lost and am begging God for help but never seem to feel anything.
sorry for the negativity. I just don’t know what else to do and I am losing hope and faith in things working out for the better.
thank you for reading.
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I’m so sorry that all this is happening to you. You are in the right place to vent. Lots of us are here reading and praying for your heart, or just sending compassionate virtual hugs. Please update as you can.
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