I know this is a stupid question, but here goes: My husband has Alzheimer's and had a crisis six months ago prompting us to move him to an assisted living. Now his behavior is getting better with medication but he is still not adjusting well to the place. He is not happy there. He looks depressed all the time - and not because he is doped up by some medication to keep him sedated. He told me he is sad and misses home. I fear that his depression will lead to deterioration of his mental health and then physical health. I am wondering if he is better off at an adult day care center with medication management and lives at home with me. I am also thinking of installing a fence all around the yard with locked gates so that he cannot run away but still has access to the outdoors. For evening, I plan to hire a night home aide to be an "insurance policy" in case he gets up in the middle of the night. The aide then can talk to him and keep him company. Believe it or not, it is less expensive doing it this way than keeping him inside an AL. He is very tactile and loves to hold my hand. This way, we can do that at anytime. At AL, we can only do it when I visit him.
Is this a good idea?
I think there are some issues that you might want to explore first and as part of home care. Was there a specific cause to the "crisis" which prompted/necessitated care in a facility? Could that situation happen again, and if so, how would you handle it? Would it be necessary to get care again from a facility? Or can you implement procedures to address another crisis and be prepared the moment it occurs?
Beyond that, is there any indication of what stage his Alzheimer's Disease is? Early, mid, late stage? Are you familiar with the changes that can occur in the later stages, the combativeness, disorientation, and more, and how will you handle those when/if that happens?
I think what I would do is identify all potential issues, develop countermeasures, and make an assessment from there if you want to and can, with support as needed, undertake this challenging journey at home. Create your own emergency management plan and set in place anything you can now so that you're prepared if the occasion arises.
You might also contact the local Alzheimer's Assn. and ask if you can attend or get a DVD (if you have a DVD player) of the Creating Confident Caregivers course. I went to one a few years ago; it was well worth the time, and it was free. Although I'm not dealing with Alzheimer's now, most of the issues, discussions and solutions can be applied to caregiving generally. It was definitely worthwhile, and I'd like to take it again as a refresher course.
I think you probably don't know how hard it will be in the future. You know he isn't going to get better....no one survives old age.
I did exactly that for both of my parents. But... they had the resources to have a caregiver for 10 hours everyday. (One for each of them). The total burden was never on me! The overnight shift was often very tough on me...but, I had respite every single day! Probably the only reason I didn't sacrifice my own health or sanity.
As hard are it is, try to get him to settle in. Make new friends? Be involved with activities? Bringing him home without the resources (people) to help will sooner or later make that burden too much for you.