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I am new to the caregiving of the elderly and need some expertise suggestions. Is there a good, correct way to help my mother get a shower? She forgets how to do this and I have never helped an adult.
This is a previous post from a thread dedicated to bathing.
My mom did the same, fighting the clean! I had to tell her that she smelled bad. Just is. One of my problems is that I don't do stink. I will literally throw up. Mom was enraged that I would dare to tell her that she stank but if I was going to get through this we had to address this issue and fast.
I gave her a spritz with Febreeze to be able to get near her and I only had to do that once.
We have worked through our issues and now she gets a shower every other day unless something happens to break that pattern (accident, real hot out). Every morning she gets a sink wash and clean clothes for the day and she is much happier now because I tell her that a 'sweet smelling mama is always welcome everywhere'.
I know that it is considered 'rude' to tell someone when they smell bad but in my book it is way more rude to have to put up with stench and breath and yuk. The bathing issue was not open for discussion, period. It was tough love all the way but I refused to live with a stinky mama.
Mom 'acted out' when I first started bathing her, acting like I was killing her, and that went on for a few months but I kept the humor going, talking about the different parts as I was scrubbing them. there's the face, the chicken titties, the 'area', the drumsticks, etc. Here's something that can really work: get one of those handheld shower massage heads. When mom realized that her sore spots got some first class attention, (she has scoliosis) and that she had some pain relief she was really into it. I also put beautiful grab bars and a nice shower chair in the tub so she feels secure. The fear of falling can keep someone out of the tub for good reason and then you do the cat's bath in the sink.
oh..and my mom used to get uti's all the time but since I've been scrubbing her, not once! With the dementia sometimes they wipe the wrong way and really cause themselves problems. Her 'area' is clean and shiny!! This is also a way to stay on top of things like bedsores, etc. Old people get infections on their skin because nobody ever saw the bedsore get started in the first place because mom or dad won't let anyone touch them.
this is so totally wierd, but what are we supposed to do?
Good luck. Aside from dropping her off at a do it yourself car wash with a roll of quarters.....
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Here's the link to the great shower debate. Everybody here has dealt with just about everything so you are in the right place.
B
My mom did the same, fighting the clean! I had to tell her that she smelled bad. Just is. One of my problems is that I don't do stink. I will literally throw up.
Mom was enraged that I would dare to tell her that she stank but if I was going to get through this we had to address this issue and fast.
I gave her a spritz with Febreeze to be able to get near her and I only had to do that once.
We have worked through our issues and now she gets a shower every other day unless something happens to break that pattern (accident, real hot out).
Every morning she gets a sink wash and clean clothes for the day and she is much happier now because I tell her that a 'sweet smelling mama is always welcome everywhere'.
I know that it is considered 'rude' to tell someone when they smell bad but in my book it is way more rude to have to put up with stench and breath and yuk. The bathing issue was not open for discussion, period. It was tough love all the way but I refused to live with a stinky mama.
Mom 'acted out' when I first started bathing her, acting like I was killing her, and that went on for a few months but I kept the humor going, talking about the different parts as I was scrubbing them. there's the face, the chicken titties, the 'area', the drumsticks, etc.
Here's something that can really work: get one of those handheld shower massage heads. When mom realized that her sore spots got some first class attention, (she has scoliosis) and that she had some pain relief she was really into it.
I also put beautiful grab bars and a nice shower chair in the tub so she feels secure. The fear of falling can keep someone out of the tub for good reason and then you do the cat's bath in the sink.
oh..and my mom used to get uti's all the time but since I've been scrubbing her, not once! With the dementia sometimes they wipe the wrong way and really cause themselves problems. Her 'area' is clean and shiny!! This is also a way to stay on top of things like bedsores, etc. Old people get infections on their skin because nobody ever saw the bedsore get started in the first place because mom or dad won't let anyone touch them.
this is so totally wierd, but what are we supposed to do?
Good luck. Aside from dropping her off at a do it yourself car wash with a roll of quarters.....
Be good to yourself,
Bobbie