We recently brought Mom to a Memory Care facility. Im starting to have my doubts if we made the right decision. I'm trying to be optimistic, but it is getting harder.
I have a million questions, as I dont know how all these places are supposed to work.
But my biggest concern is that my mom has stated that she does NOT want a male tech to bring her to the bathroom and wipe her. When I went too tour, I'm pretty sure they told me that females with females, but to be honest, I looked at so many of these places, and each were a little different, so not sure if that was specific to this facility. I guess I just assumed that was a given in these type of places.
Does mom has right to ask for a female or because of her dementia, they just ask whatever staff is avail at the time.
I'm not a lawyer, but Isn't that a basic right to have a choice about a male or female tech if requested?
Before anyone says that maybe they only have male techs on that shift, wouldn't that open the door to even a bigger issue.
Again, gather together your questions and make a visit to the admins. They will welcome your open questions and know you are a caring family in search of knowledge. Good luck.
No Memory Care Assisted Living facility is going to be perfect or take every residents preference into consideration. They do their best, however, and as long as their major needs are cared for properly, that's the main thing. Pick your battles lest they ALL become battles.
I'm not sure what you mean by saying, "Before anyone says that maybe they only have male techs on that shift, wouldn't that open the door to even a bigger issue." ??? My stepson has been an extraordinary caregiver to elders in AL and SNF settings for a decade now. Caregiving is no longer "women's work" and there were quite a few men at my mother's MC. I liked them a lot bc they were better equipped to deal with a 190 lb human than anyone else.
Ask for or expect a care conference at least quarterly to review moms care plan and updates with staff. Ask for a review now if you have questions or concerns. Complaining from loved ones tends to be a chronic thing with dementia, as it was for my mother. She complained daily the food portions "weren't enough to fill a cavity" yet she was steadily gaining weight while living in Memory Care Assisted Living for just under 3 years! She weighed 190 lbs and was in no danger of starving.
Good luck to you and mom adjusting to MC.
At this point you don't know who is taking her to the bathroom. Find out before you leap to conclusions.
My step-mother in MC just told me that she had not been in her room for 2 weeks, of course that was not true,
As others said, it is possible for some shifts that there are only male staff there. Although, to me that would be unusual from what I have seen. In tours of AL and MC I have done, it seems there are always at least some women staff around. If they have both MC and AL, can they have a female staff from the AL come over to your mom when needed? there may be some options that management can finagle.
I've been debating moving my dad from the AL he is currently at to another one. However then, based largely on advice on this forum, I decided to mention all of my concerns to senior management and give them a chance to try to make the imnprovements....
Ask. If its just not possible for them to provide, and its a deal breaker to mom and you, then you could consider moving to a different MC that can gurantee a female caregiver for toileting/ bathing.
For some unknown reason she became extremely modest around men. That generation in general were very modest.
I still remember her telling me not to bend over in my micro mini skirt as a teenager! LOL 😝 She wasn’t a prude and allowed me to wear what I chose but told me to stoop to pick up something off the floor.
It is funny that my mother’s rehabilitation facility in a nursing home had a male DON and a woman doctor. Mom kept calling him the doctor and the doctor the nurse. 🤣
I apologized for mom’s assumptions and they both laughed saying that it happened all the time with the old people in rehab. Old people are set in their ways.
Ironically, mom asked me to find a female doctor when the older male doctor retired.
I hope that your mom will adjust to her memory care, no matter who brings her to the bathroom.