I am on disability. My fiancé had to quit his good job for us to move back to our home state. It took the majority of our savings. We are struggling here with inflation and he had to take a huge cut in pay. My fiancé is now 60 and working 6 days a week. The 7th day we spend with my mother. Taking her out to eat, shopping, cleaning up her apartment etc. We are paying just about every out of our pockets and living paycheck to paycheck because we spent our savings to move back here to care for her. Plus, I no longer can drive. I had to pay my adult child to help us move and drive our cars here. Had to purchase train tickets to send them back. Had to get hotel rooms, pay gas, feed everyone, etc. Is she (my mom) responsible for these costs or am I? Thank you in advance for any assistance.
I am caring for my mother Carol, who is 78 years old with alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, depression, and mobility problems.
About Me:
My health isn't so great. I've been on disability since I was 35. I have alot of health issues. I have had a horrible life when I was a child. My mother, whom I now care for, never really had a good relationship with me. We had a long separation in our lives. My mother's friends ended up contacting me when she had a stroke in 2020. We ended going back to our home state to check on her during COVID-19. She at that point made me her POA. I really didn't know what I was in for. I tried for a couple of months to care for her over the distance. It really become too difficult to do that. We (my fiance and I) moved back to our home state to take care of her. We are now making all of her decisions. She was diagnosed with dementia/Alzheimers 2 weeks ago. I'm very overwhelmed with all of these decisions and just POA responsibilities. Glad I've found this group.
It sounds like you made a hasty move by doing what you did and now you are struggling to make ends meet. I believe you are responsible for the costs you incurred by making the decision to move back to your hometown to care for mom. She only requires care 1 day a week so.........? She is newly diagnosed with AD so when things progress and she needs full time care, you should look into placing her in a Skilled Nursing Facility with Medicaid footing the bill. See an Elder Care attorney for guidance with ALL of this, that is my suggestion. Yes, it will cost you a fee up front to do that, but it will be worth it's weight in gold since you're in over your head NOW. An EC attorney gave me hugely valuable advice when I took over managing my parents' lives in 2011 when I moved them near ME (vs. me moving near them) when dad lost his drivers license and they were in need of help.
Also look into what benefits your mom may qualify for via Medicare or Medicaid now, if she qualifies. She may be entitled to some benefits you're unaware of, such as in home help which would relieve you of that burden.
I hope you can figure all of this out and that you don't wind up hating your lives where you're at now. Wishing you the best of luck with all you have on your plates.
You say you "had" to pay for the expenses to make the move you did. You did not "have" to pay for anything. You did not "have" to move. YOU chose to move to help care for her.
How much help does she need if you are helping her 1 day a week?
I am sure she could have paid someone to help her do the things that you are doing without you moving.
Stop taking her out to eat.
Make a meal in, and make extra so that she has leftovers for the week.
Why are you paying for her things? She can buy what she needs for herself.
If you happen to be going shopping you can ask is she would like to go and she can shop as well.
Don't ask your mom to pay for the expenses that your child asked you to pay them for their help. You are responsible for that.