My mom is 95 year old and sold her house. She's very stubborn and not easy to live with. She says she wants her own place but we're not sure that she can be alone. We see she has some form of dementia and doesn't remember things that well. No one has POA on her. We think she would benefit in an assisted living facility but she doesn't want to go. Can we just force her to go in one?
What I suggest is taking her to some nice ones in your area. Try to pick a day when something is going on like some entertainment or a party. Pick a time when people are in the common area. Maybe eat dinner there.
Show her the rooms. At Moms AL they came in 2 sizes and had small apts. All came with small kitchenettes with sinks, cupboards, microwave and a small fridge.
I would also choose one with a Memory care attached. I liked Moms because it was small but they didn't separate the Dementia residents from those who were in the early stages or mentally OK. Mixing them together was not really fair to those mentally OK.
My Mom was pretty much into her Dementia when I placed her into an AL. She had transitioned well in my home and in the AL and later the LTC. But when she was placed in the AL and LTC, we told her she was going to a new apt where she would meet new friends.
But that doesn't mean it wouldn't be best for her to consider an ALF (or other facility) among her possible next moves. You say she's sold her house - actually sold it? Got the money, packed up and everything? - and presumably she does agree that she needs to live *somewhere.* So what is her plan besides the vague statement that she "wants her own place"?
What you can do is step back from doing her bidding; if she wants to be "independent" then let her hire help at home.
Telling my mother "no, I can't do this any more" was painful, but it did get her to see that she wasn't going to be able to live on her own anymore.