Hi All, My 84 year old grandmother had a recent hospital stay (4 days) because she severely burned her legs on space heaters, she did not feel her legs being burned. She has dementia and is now in a rehab facility which is also a nursing home. She has periods of being confused and her short term memory is gone, but she has always been aware of what she is and isn't going to do. She has stated to everyone that she is not staying at the nursing home and she is not going to stay with my aunt, but she is going home. I live 4 hours away and have two flight of stairs in my home, so safety is an issue at my house. I have her medical POA, is there a way that I can prevent her from going home if she has hurt herself? She is adamant about going home, but there are some safety concerns. Do I need to petition for guardianship and have two Drs exam her cognitive skills in order to have her declared incompetent in order to get her out of her house?
With no short term memory she needs help remembering her pills, remembering that she can't sit close to the space heater, remembering to drink fluids, and even to eat! She would get all this help and more in long-term care. The people providing it would be fresh each shift, and have immediate access to backup help in an emergency. Long term care makes the most sense in every respect EXCEPT that she doesn't want it. It is practical, efficient, safest, and totally unacceptable to the person it applies to.
That is why I ask if there is any chance care could be provided in her home? I'm not thinking you should be able to do miracles, just hoping all options are objectively considered.
This is so difficult for all concerned! It is wonderful that you are looking out for Grandma even from a distance!
If she does have to be placed in long-term care (which seems likely) would it be better to do it in another location, perhaps close to you or another family member who could visit often and advocate for her?
Sounds like your Grandmother needs 24 hour care, which can be very costly if done at her home. For my Dad, we used a professional caregiving agency, 3 shifts per day, and it cost him $20k per month. Dad did move into senior living, had his own apartment, and it cost him around $5k per month, then it cost him $6k per month for Memory Care. He really enjoyed living in the community being around people his own age, and all the good food :)
If Grandmother cannot budget for self-pay, then it is time for her to apply for Medicaid [which is different from Medicare] which will help pay her way in a nursing home.
Thank you for your responses. I spoke with an Elder Law attorney and she informed me that because my Granny isn't incompacitated or disabled she can't be forced to leave her home, so the medical POA that I hold with her cant force placement in a nursing home or with my aunt. She said that if I want to force her out, I need to petition the court for guardianship. So as it stands, it looks like my only option is to let her go home, but have care givers come to help her everyday.
I feel that a nursing home will be safer for her, but she insists that she is not going to stay at the nursing home, she's going home ( as she balls up her little fist to show me, she means business) lol
She is a firecracker and will not be denied!
If she wants to go home, then she needs to arrange (and pay for) care. Does she have the funds to pay for income care?
It does make you shake your head and wonder what the heck constitutes a risk if this doesn't. Snakes alive, what if her clothes had caught fire - ?!
But I agree with your respect for her wishes. Okay, she is determined to go home and you quite rightly want to make that possible. So I second BB's question - can she afford the necessary care for it to be done safely?