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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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You will need to be his Power of Attorney to do this so tell him that and then start him on the right road. Once you have that sorted you might want to talk to him about friends that have died and then drop into the conversation how does he feel about x y or z. My mum wont talk about dying much but she is quite happy to criticise what others have done so I now know she wants to be cremated, she doesnt want to go into care, after a long long battle she actually quite likes having her bed in her lounge. I didnt broach a living will with my mum until one day she said she didnt want to live any more. I called in a doc to discuss it and he completed the advanced directive with her and me. We all signed it and it is now on the database - job done....not an easy one but good luck xx
cjbailey, that's a lot of responsibility for an only child [I am one, too] to decide what to do. But Dad has to realize that also has to be in writing otherwise the State will decide how to divide up the estate. If your Dad has any living siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins they might get a piece of the pie.
What got my Dad to move more quickly on getting a Living Will, etc. is when I said that the State could tax his estate to a point where I might only get half. He didn't work hard all his life just so that the State would get it. That perked up his ears.
The new book, Being Mortal by Atul Gawande, tells the story of having "the conversation."
One man thought it would be fine to just be able to watch football and eat ice cream, another could not stand the idea of that lack of function. They each decided on the lowest level of what they would derive satisfaction from. When something happened to the first man in surgery, his daughter was asked if the surgeon should do something that would leave him paralyzed if it did not work. She asked if he could still watch football and eat ice cream, he could, so they proceeded. Only because they had that conversation did she know the right answer and his life was saved.
My library has the book on audio and in print, so surely everyone can access it freely. It's the best book I read in the last 12 mos.
It is sweet that your father trusts you enough to put his life into your hands. If you have the medical proxy you will be able to help guide decisions. Having a DNR in place does make things better during the end times. If there is a DNR, then the hospital or EMTs will not do CPR to try to resuscitate a person whose heart has stopped. CPR can be very hard on an older person, and if they do come back, there can be broken ribs and other damage. When there is no quality at the end of life and the spirit is trying to leave, forcing it back to a broken body seems so cruel to me. A DNR makes your father's will known.
One thing I have considered when it comes to my mother is whether to "enforce" the living will or not. My mother has all the advanced directives done, but they were done at a time when death was not imminent. She has a strong will to live, so I don't know how serious her advanced directives were. It is easy to sign things that aren't relevant right away. The advanced directives have a clause that the healthcare proxy cannot contest her decision to die. However, I am not going to let her die if I know it isn't what she wants, only if there is no hope. I pray for wisdom in her final days (if I am still alive and her proxy).
not to sound flippant, but I'm an only child too and my mother did the exact same thing to me. I was pushing her to tell me what she wanted in terms of a funeral (this was years ago when it was far in the future) she said it was up to me. My comment...... "how do you feel about pine?" Honesty, after you get a full POA just do what you think is best, that is all you can do, if he wanted specific things done or not done, he should have said so.
Thanks everyone for advice and suggestions....I do have POA and financial matters are not the issue. I am just worried if I will have to decide about a feeding tube (he is having difficulty swallowing), respirator, other life support machines, etc. Presently, his mind is still quite sound. Jude, if his physical issues get so bad, you are right, he may be able to then tell me he is ready to sign directives.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
What got my Dad to move more quickly on getting a Living Will, etc. is when I said that the State could tax his estate to a point where I might only get half. He didn't work hard all his life just so that the State would get it. That perked up his ears.
One man thought it would be fine to just be able to watch football and eat ice cream, another could not stand the idea of that lack of function. They each decided on the lowest level of what they would derive satisfaction from. When something happened to the first man in surgery, his daughter was asked if the surgeon should do something that would leave him paralyzed if it did not work. She asked if he could still watch football and eat ice cream, he could, so they proceeded. Only because they had that conversation did she know the right answer and his life was saved.
My library has the book on audio and in print, so surely everyone can access it freely. It's the best book I read in the last 12 mos.
One thing I have considered when it comes to my mother is whether to "enforce" the living will or not. My mother has all the advanced directives done, but they were done at a time when death was not imminent. She has a strong will to live, so I don't know how serious her advanced directives were. It is easy to sign things that aren't relevant right away. The advanced directives have a clause that the healthcare proxy cannot contest her decision to die. However, I am not going to let her die if I know it isn't what she wants, only if there is no hope. I pray for wisdom in her final days (if I am still alive and her proxy).
just do what you think is best, that is all you can do, if he wanted specific things
done or not done, he should have said so.