My mom is 75 & has lived with my husband & I for 2 years. She has copd, emphysema & moderate alzheimer/dementia. Currently her health is stable, but she is frail. She has a visitation nurse once a week and bath aides twice a week. My husband & I both work full time and for now she can be home alone for a few hours at a time. She does NOTHING all day & night except watch a little tv & sleep. She is content with that. We have tried encouraging her to read, or knit or even fold laundry and she is just not interested. She has never been a very social person. The only place she ever wants to go to is the casino, which I take her a couple times a month. She depends on my husband & I for all her needs. He is very patient & loving toward her. I know I am very lucky. We do not have any family to help She has begged me to not ever put her in a nursing home and I know I have made promises I cannot keep. I am tired, stressed, I feel resentful & guilty. I don't feel like a daughter anymore. I love her and want what is best for her, but at the same time I want a life also. Is that selfish?
She is on medicaid and her choices may be limited. How do you prepare your parent for a different living arrangement?
Your mom likely thinks of nursing homes as they were decades ago. Most have changed quite a bit, many have changed dramatically. They aren't the warehouses they once were (in most parts of the country).
As to what she needs - I'd say a nursing home. Assisted living is generally for a basically healthy elder who needs some help and increased safety. When a person can only be alone for a couple of hours and has COPD and other physical issues, plus dementia, she should qualify for a nursing home. Since she's already on Medicaid, a nursing home would be paid for, while assisted living may not.
You may have to put her name on a waiting list for a Medicaid bed, so I wouldn't put it off.
Good luck,
Carol