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My mom can go from pleasant to argumentative in a moment's notice. It'll usually start with a simple statement or question from her which I'll respond to. This is an actual conversation we just had after laughing over a different topic 5 minutes ago:


MOM: I wonder if the boys are still working. (The boys are her grandsons that both have temporary jobs)
ME: They haven't worked for 2 weeks now.
MOM (angrily): I think I would know they go to work everyday.


The End. The lights turn off. Curtains close. No applause because the audience is befuddled as to how they bought a ticket to what started as a comedy but abruptly ended as a tragedy.


This makes me wonder if she knows her memory is bad. Are dementia patients aware of their condition?

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Oh, that sounds like a common scenario. Mind bending.

Do people know they have dementia? Some do, some don't. Some know sometimes, but then forget. Some are like my mother and say their memory is bad, then say it's fine. There's no winning. All we can do is shrug our shoulders.
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I think that it varies by the patient and their level of progression. My LO knew that she was having memory problems. And she was scared of how things seemed different to her. I'm not sure how much she was able to process about her dementia though. She did look concerned when the Neurologist said that she did have dementia, but, he wasn't sure why. That he had to do more tests to find the cause. She knew what that meant and she said that she didn't want to forget her parents, because there were such good people. Later, she forgot most everything......but, she still remembers her parents. It's odd. She doesn't know she has dementia anymore.

I suspect that most of the time, they do not understand that their memory is as bad as it is, because even if they realized it, they would shortly forget it.
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I would say we all have that moment at some point in time when we realize something's not quite right but just plain deny it and/or laugh it off. I sure have my moments and get aggravated but now also pray it won't progress to dementia. My sister and niece (actually all of us in the family) can make jokes about ourselves aloud. But my mom with Alzheimer's never once joked aloud to any of us about her bad memory and firmly denied it was progressing from the start. She was (still is) a relatively quiet woman who always worked but did laugh and enjoy her life with dad and us kids. She'd get furious with dad years ago when he joked with her about "losing it." When dad died, she got much worse. I'd say she did know how bad she was slipping years ago and could never bring herself to talk about it with anybody. (In fact, right now, I realize I have never known how my mother's mind works. It was always like pulling teeth to get her to talk about much of anything of a serious nature or to make sound decisions by herself). Just a very sad aspect of this disease for me - that she never felt she could talk to us about any of it.
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It depends on the stage of dementia. You may recall that Ronald Reagan announced that he had been diagnosed with dementia. In the early stages, people often realize they're having memory problems.
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What I can say is that Dementia and Alzheimer's are no laughing matter. They devastate family connections especially when loved ones act out of character and we don't have the experience to know that they are suffering from a dreaded disease. I think dementia and Alzheimer's are becoming an epidemic and are not just affecting the elderly, but are increasingly affecting people at a younger age, which is a travesty. Early diagnosis will help families understand the situation better and try to be more supportive. We could all learn more about these two diseases and be more aware of changes happening. My mom displayed many symptoms of dementia for years but I was ignorant about the disease and thought it was just her personality and background. It was only 3 years ago that she was diagnosed with moderate vascular dementia(there are other types). It is however progressing and every day is a challenge so I get on sites like this to learn as much as I can; being hands on and learning much from Teepa Snow's videos who is an expert on the issue. Patience, kindness, and understanding are important. Here is a series of her youtube videos: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUgPm8RMa48&list=PLeu1xlHHkFCU_k85X1xBwjzayVIzNB12R
Also here are two of the books I found helpful: Loving Someone Who Has Dementia, How to find hope while coping with stress and grief ISBN978-1-118-00229-2 and A caregiver's guide to Lewy Body Dementia (a more challenging form of a little known dementia) ISBN 978-1932603934
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You can know in principle and in theory that you have dementia, and still not know that one particular specific thought you have, and that you're quite sure of, is mistaken.

I'm sorry that you're experiencing these abrupt changes in temperature from warm to freezing when you're just trying to have an ordinary, pleasant conversation with your mother. It's a shock every time, no matter how much you think you're ready for it, and it's incredibly discouraging when it comes to keeping things light and "normal" (whatever normal is nowadays?).

But it's worse for her. Imagine not being able to keep a reliable grip on even the basics of family activity, and being only half-aware with it, and certain that you know something only to find out that you're 100% wrong... Even before I knew anyone with dementia personally, not being able to believe your own brain always struck me as the most disturbing and frightening thing imaginable.

I would suspect that when your mother freezes up - or snaps shut, you put it well - like this, it's because she's suddenly unsettled and reacts angrily to that feeling. It must be awful for you, too, a real kick on the shins. Maybe it would be best either to say nothing and squeeze her hand or make her a drink or whatever, or to change the subject to something reassuring - isn't the sky blue today, it'll soon be time for the news, we must give the boys a ring and see how they're doing. You want some way of restoring her grip gently.

Mind you. I wish I could promise that she won't just be angrier with you for being condescending - or "maddening" as my mother put it sometimes. But worth a try, I hope.
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When my husband was diagnosed with frontotemporal dementia, we discovered one of the symptoms was that those affected do not realize they have it. I remember my husband just being glad when he was told that it was not Alzheimer's.
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Awe, sending you strength JessieBelle 😉💜
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Each situation is different. There are a few writers on this website who know they have dementia and they write about it. They talk about the disease and how it affects them. They are very self aware. I was always amazed at them because my mother would never accept her diagnosis. I think those individuals who have accepted the diagnosis know they have it. Others live in denial and then the denial leads to anger, agitation etc. The doctor told my mom, that once she accepts this diagnosis - she will be at peace. She never has.

My mom now lives in a memory care facility and has no clue that she has dementia. I think its all part of their personal journey.
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8My mother has verbal recall issues due to vascular dementia. I can see she is aware of her decline and is frustrated so she just screams like the toddler from H*ll as her way of communication. It must be so terrifying and confusing for her to know that she's declining. It's very sad for me to see her in this condition.
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