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If you're equating sex with the amount of orgasms he might be having as a result of Viagra, Cialis, or some other "male enhancement," I'd worry about his ticker. Sexually active people, however, tend to be healthier; and healthier people tend to be sexually active. It could be that the fulfillment of sex gives you a health boost, or that being more fit makes sex better — or, more likely, it's a little of both. In your father's case I believe these women make him feel younger and that he's also craving intimacy, not just sex. Also, there's the possibility he assumes that since his life is winding down he might as well catch up on all the sex and intimacy he never got around to for one reason or another. I might be chastized for this, but I can't think of a better way for an older man to leave this world than with a big smile on his face after a woman -- preferably the love of his life -- has rocked his world. ... You know what I mean.
What's actually bothering you is that he's frittering all that money away and that these vixens are taking him for a ride after they've sucked him dry. (I should rephrase, shouldn't I?) He knows they'll be gone after there's nothing else for him to give and that his behavior seems reckless, immoral, or hormonal. And right now he's behaving like an addict. He's aware of all that, but it doesn't seem to matter as long as his carnal and/or emotional needs are satisfied.
You can't save people from themselves, but you can surely give them a piece of your mind. So go ahead. Indulge yourself. After all is said and done, at least you did the best you could for him to see the light. Whatever light that happens to be.
Wish you the best, and am looking forward to your postings.
He's an adult and can do whatever he wants. It's also his money and he can spend it. BUT if he spends/loses all his money, winds up broke and you ultimately have to provide for him, then you have a right to be concerned. Too many elders never planned for their golden years or they expected someone else to provide for them, like their kids for instance. Your dad can have his fun but will YOU be the one paying for it down the line? And who are these women? Friends, professionals, strangers? Is your dad's safety a concern with them in his home? Maybe it's because I live in a big city and you have to be careful of people taking advantage of or hurting/killing others over money,sex or even $5. I'd investigate to be sure your dad is safe, his money situation is ok and that he's just having fun. I always say if you smell a rat it's because there is one nearby.
you could also sit down and have a talk with your father , tellin him that ure worried about him pickin up some disease and those women could take advantage of him . he could be broke just in a matter of time . a heart to heart talk is very important . maybe he doesnt care cuz he just one wild man love all women ? i have no idea but sit down and talk to him and go from there .
I would be far more concerned with the women who are living in his house. They would be far more likely to both rip him off as well as possibly be unhealthy.
I don't have any problems with him going to oriental massage parlors. Those younger women will treat him with oriental respect and make him feel like a king as well as much younger. As long as all he is getting is a shower, massage and a happy ending, then he's just acting like a college age person all over again. Even King David was brought a young girl to help keep him warm in his old age before he died.
If he is extremely healthy and his testosterone is still strong which it sounds like it is then he might not be on any enhancers although at his age it will take him longer to get errect some dudes still can at that age.
AMD made the comment, "Too many elders never planned for their golden years or they expected someone else to provide for them, like their kids for instance."
Well, if you really think about it, with people living longer and longer once they reach a largely non-functional, highly dependent state, and nursing home and in-home assistance costs climbing through the roof with no end in sight, then noone other than the rich truly PLANNED for their golden years.
We all have the Medicaid NH option, but have you looked at a chart of national debt by country? Staggering. The US government cannot afford to pay $60 - 70 thousand per year for a semi-private room for every indigent senior. If the gov had to follow pay-as-you-go guidelines, these seniors would have to be in a ward with about 30 others. Or worse.
What we are doing now is just wildly extravagant ostrich-head-in-the-sand borrowing against our future. With absolutely no hope of repayment.
Bottom line - unless this 78 year old man has got a major pile of cash reserved for his 90's and 100's, or a solid promise that his offspring will take full responsibility, then, should he reach that age, his Orient Express activities will end up being indirectly paid for by taxpayers.
Lacy, I think every answer is correct that has responded so far. First of all, GROSS thinking about your dad having sex/masturbating whatever, with strange women. It's bad enough thinking about our PARENTS being intimate, then add this... Okay, now that I got that picture out of my head, you have a right to be concerned. Him being ripped off, his health (heart, STD's) & not having enough money for the future etc. You do need to sit him down like you would a teenage boy and talk about this with him. If it were me, I would have my husband or brother talk to him, but it needs to done. There are reasons people call it 'risky behavior' talk to him about the risks. Good luck.
CMI, I didn't mean every elder had to have a stockpile of money waiting for their retirement because the majority of us Joe Blows can't. I TOTALLY agree our government is out of control and sicker than our elders. I was mainly talking about how Lacy's dad, at 78, was spending money hand over fist and not taking into consideration that he could run out of funds, which would in turn probably become Lacy's burden. And yes, the taxpayers too. My mom planned for her golden years and even though it would be tough, she could make it - except she's spending like a drunken sailor or better yet, like the US Government. When we brought it to her attention, she got sooooooo mad she disowned us, revoked our POAs, blah,blah,blah. She doesn't speak to me or my family. BUT I'm just waiting for her to run out of money, her paid caregiver, who took over my spot as her daughter, to leave her high, dry and broke,and then I'll be financially responsibile for her once again. Before anyone tells me to do something about it, I've already talked to a lawyer and my mom is of sound mind so I can't do anything about it. It's been a big mess and very, very hurtful for us. I was just trying to share my story so Lacy could see what could happen in the near future due to her dad being irresponsible. The financial stuff aside, I fear for Lacy's dad's safety and health with those 3 women living with him. Who knows what they're up to!
my father-in-law did this kind of . He put his wife in a home and moved her caregiver and her kids into his house. It made all the kids mad but nothing really you can do about it. Inless you think the women might harm him. Later after my mom-in-law died my father -in-law remarried and than died himself. Not one of his kids got anything left to them the new wife as everything. Sorry but if your dad is in his right mind than he can do what he wants. But do tell him how you feel. He needs to know .
Just a quick comment. As an adult who is also a parent, I don't find it gross, bad or difficult thinking about my parents being intimate like I'm sure would have been the case when I was a teenager. However, I had less problems thinking about my dad's sisters and brothers being busy since I have more than 50 first cousins on that one side of my family. When you grow up with a lot of babies and little kids all around with aunts being pregnant so often, you learn a lot. The thing I have found as an adult is how often I can guess just how pregnant a woman is and be right or very close.
Also, I don't think I'll fell freaked out knowing my sons and their wives are doing the same think whenever they get married if they have already had some sexual experience already despite how much my wife and I have talked with them about sex. Kids today know far too much about sex and so extremely little about intimacy which is so sad.
Crowe, it's not so much hearing that my PARENTS are active sexually, it would be knowing that my DAD was doing, God knows what, with strange women. Don't want to know, too much information, that sort of thing. And Bobbie, you may be right about this whole subject in the first place. But then again, I've read so many strange things on this website I don't know....
Hmm. I don't think this was a genuine post. It's just a bit too over the top. But, anyway, re: my reponse to it - most of us baby boomers would prefer to go on believing that our parents are not anatomically correct.
If that indicates some kind of subterranean hang-up on my part, so be it.
Suddenly, just dealing with Mother's dementia is a piece of cake.
Quite honestly (and I fully expect to take some heat for this), were this my father, I'd be having a lot of trouble with the moral ramifications of this sort of behavior.
Nancy, I agree on the moral issue and I'm glad your posted it. As for the authenticity of this post, I can't say yes or no. I just know this stuff goes on in my city, and much worse,involving all ages. The elderly are vulnerable and preyed upon, with dementia or not. It doesn't have to be massage parlors either. My attorney told me about an elderly man going to the grocery store who was approached in the parking lot. I guess the guy was lonely because the next thing his family knew, this lady had control and they were getting a lawyer. He said it's sad but it happens all the time. Legit or not, at least we all got to answer the "test" question. I've enjoyed reading all the responses.
Yeah I have to admit this post was a dosie. But as far as me, I still say hang from the chandeleers if you still can at any age. It's your thing, do what you wanna do!
When my mom passed away my dad was in his late sixties,women called and came out from the woodwork from all over the place,made him feel like a twenty year old rock star,after the first minute or two of ego boost,he realized they were attracted to his money,not him.Encouraging preditors,being taken advantage of or taken advantage of others is not highly regarded in a civilized society.Is this normal behavior for this particular man or is he losing his mind.Never the less unless he has unlimited funding its reckless behavior and I wouldn't want my tax dollars keeping him up after the chandeleer hangings.
The subject of sexuality is a difficult subject for a lot of people especially when it concerns our parents. For whatever reasons people often feel uncomfortable thinging about their parents being sexual beings. Getting older does not mean we give up our desires, pleasures etc. I agree that discussing your concerns is totally appropriate if you are concerned about your father's well-being. However, as children of aging parents, we also need to recognize that being "old" does not make one suddenly incompetent. Be happy that aparently your father is healthy enough for sexual activity, is actively seeking the company of others etc., as opposed to sitting in the perverbial rocking chair and watching life pass by.
Ok, here goes my take on this situation. I think all the idiots that posted.. it's his mony, let him spend it, don't know what they are talking about. They are not living it and don't have a clue. It's financial elder abuse. I'm going through the same thing right now. I wish I had the answer but what I'm doing is researching and investigating. That's how I came by this web site. I'm going to make a call to The elder abuse hotline for starters. Maybe they could direct me where to procede from here. I wish you the best of luck. Don't take the advise of these idiots that might be gold diggers! Paula L.
There is nothing you can do. I just went through this-only Dad married one gold digger-ironically she is a young massuse (4th marriage for both) and never had other girls in the house. Dad can't speak to me anymore, because of her and I have had to accept this for my own sanities sake. I got all kind's of suggestions from this site. It came down to go on with my life because he does not want to see the light, she has broken no laws, he is not senile (although an alcoholic) and will NOT change. He wants to go out with a "Bang". When + if he is broke and devastated I don't know if I can still support him after all my warnings and all the yrs. I took care of him for free. It's not about $$, it is about principle.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
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If you're equating sex with the amount of orgasms he might be having as a result of Viagra, Cialis, or some other "male enhancement," I'd worry about his ticker. Sexually active people, however, tend to be healthier; and healthier people tend to be sexually active. It could be that the fulfillment of sex gives you a health boost, or that being more fit makes sex better — or, more likely, it's a little of both. In your father's case I believe these women make him feel younger and that he's also craving intimacy, not just sex. Also, there's the possibility he assumes that since his life is winding down he might as well catch up on all the sex and intimacy he never got around to for one reason or another. I might be chastized for this, but I can't think of a better way for an older man to leave this world than with a big smile on his face after a woman -- preferably the love of his life -- has rocked his world. ... You know what I mean.
What's actually bothering you is that he's frittering all that money away and that these vixens are taking him for a ride after they've sucked him dry. (I should rephrase, shouldn't I?) He knows they'll be gone after there's nothing else for him to give and that his behavior seems reckless, immoral, or hormonal. And right now he's behaving like an addict. He's aware of all that, but it doesn't seem to matter as long as his carnal and/or emotional needs are satisfied.
You can't save people from themselves, but you can surely give them a piece of your mind. So go ahead. Indulge yourself. After all is said and done, at least you did the best you could for him to see the light. Whatever light that happens to be.
Wish you the best, and am looking forward to your postings.
-- ED
What color do you want your star to be? Thank you so much. That was wonderful.
he could be broke just in a matter of time . a heart to heart talk is very important .
maybe he doesnt care cuz he just one wild man love all women ? i have no idea but sit down and talk to him and go from there .
I would be far more concerned with the women who are living in his house. They would be far more likely to both rip him off as well as possibly be unhealthy.
I don't have any problems with him going to oriental massage parlors. Those younger women will treat him with oriental respect and make him feel like a king as well as much younger. As long as all he is getting is a shower, massage and a happy ending, then he's just acting like a college age person all over again. Even King David was brought a young girl to help keep him warm in his old age before he died.
If he is extremely healthy and his testosterone is still strong which it sounds like it is then he might not be on any enhancers although at his age it will take him longer to get errect some dudes still can at that age.
Well, if you really think about it, with people living longer and longer once they reach a largely non-functional, highly dependent state, and nursing home and in-home assistance costs climbing through the roof with no end in sight, then noone other than the rich truly PLANNED for their golden years.
We all have the Medicaid NH option, but have you looked at a chart of national debt by country? Staggering. The US government cannot afford to pay $60 - 70 thousand per year for a semi-private room for every indigent senior. If the gov had to follow pay-as-you-go guidelines, these seniors would have to be in a ward with about 30 others. Or worse.
What we are doing now is just wildly extravagant ostrich-head-in-the-sand borrowing against our future. With absolutely no hope of repayment.
Bottom line - unless this 78 year old man has got a major pile of cash reserved for his 90's and 100's, or a solid promise that his offspring will take full responsibility, then, should he reach that age, his Orient Express activities will end up being indirectly paid for by taxpayers.
I didn't mean every elder had to have a stockpile of money waiting for their retirement because the majority of us Joe Blows can't. I TOTALLY agree our government is out of control and sicker than our elders. I was mainly talking about how Lacy's dad, at 78, was spending money hand over fist and not taking into consideration that he could run out of funds, which would in turn probably become Lacy's burden. And yes, the taxpayers too. My mom planned for her golden years and even though it would be tough, she could make it - except she's spending like a drunken sailor or better yet, like the US Government. When we brought it to her attention, she got sooooooo mad she disowned us, revoked our POAs, blah,blah,blah. She doesn't speak to me or my family. BUT I'm just waiting for her to run out of money, her paid caregiver, who took over my spot as her daughter, to leave her high, dry and broke,and then I'll be financially responsibile for her once again. Before anyone tells me to do something about it, I've already talked to a lawyer and my mom is of sound mind so I can't do anything about it. It's been a big mess and very, very hurtful for us. I was just trying to share my story so Lacy could see what could happen in the near future due to her dad being irresponsible.
The financial stuff aside, I fear for Lacy's dad's safety and health with those 3 women living with him. Who knows what they're up to!
You pullin our collective legs?
just askin,
lovbob
Just a quick comment. As an adult who is also a parent, I don't find it gross, bad or difficult thinking about my parents being intimate like I'm sure would have been the case when I was a teenager. However, I had less problems thinking about my dad's sisters and brothers being busy since I have more than 50 first cousins on that one side of my family. When you grow up with a lot of babies and little kids all around with aunts being pregnant so often, you learn a lot. The thing I have found as an adult is how often I can guess just how pregnant a woman is and be right or very close.
Also, I don't think I'll fell freaked out knowing my sons and their wives are doing the same think whenever they get married if they have already had some sexual experience already despite how much my wife and I have talked with them about sex. Kids today know far too much about sex and so extremely little about intimacy which is so sad.
Seriously... it's been 6 days and nothing.
I think that this thread is bogus.
lovbob
And Bobbie, you may be right about this whole subject in the first place. But then again, I've read so many strange things on this website I don't know....
If that indicates some kind of subterranean hang-up on my part, so be it.
Suddenly, just dealing with Mother's dementia is a piece of cake.
As long as I don't have to clean it up.
lovbob
Its his life, let him live it!
I still doubt the authenticity of the post.
As for the authenticity of this post, I can't say yes or no. I just know this stuff goes on in my city, and much worse,involving all ages. The elderly are vulnerable and preyed upon, with dementia or not. It doesn't have to be massage parlors either. My attorney told me about an elderly man going to the grocery store who was approached in the parking lot. I guess the guy was lonely because the next thing his family knew, this lady had control and they were getting a lawyer. He said it's sad but it happens all the time.
Legit or not, at least we all got to answer the "test" question. I've enjoyed reading all the responses.
Paula L.
what in the world are you talking about?
are you new to caregiving?
it sounds like you are very angry.
BTW, this is a bogus thread started by an 'idiot' that just wanted to get a rise out of concerned caregivers.
don't waste your precious energy on it.
lovbob