My elderly MIL wants to continue to live at home, but my husband and I fear for her daily safety. She is in her late 70s with Parkinson's disease. She admitted she has fallen more times than we know - she has been hospitalized 3x in the last 5 months for falls, dehydration, hallucinations and 2 of those she had fallen and was there for hours or over a day. She still suffers double vision from the head injury. She does not always take her meds properly. She is supposed to be cleared to go home from a nursing home, alone, in a few weeks. Her house has 3 levels with many steps. It is proposed she will live on the 1st level only, but there is no way she will stay on just one floor. We know due to the Parkinson's, her health will continue to deteriorate. We think that she needs to be in an independent living or assisted living facility. My in-laws think she is fine to go home and live alone. We fear that living alone will end up the way it has the last few times - she will fall and get injured, or even die, alone, which is awful for her and will of course hurt our hearts as well. But it seems like there is nothing to do but let it happen? (We have argued any number of suggestions, but no one will hear us....) Suggestions?
Who will be present to work out the discharge plans from the rehab facility? Can someone tell them that there is no one at home to assist her and that other arrangements need to be made? Can she get someone to come into her home to help her around the clock? I'm not sure how they could release her if no one will sign that they will take responsibility.
Sometimes, seniors lose their good judgment and have magical thinking about what they can do. Some say they can live alone, when in fact they are bed bound. Or that they can manage with only a little help, even if they are incontinent. They cannot be relied upon when this is the case, because it's dangerous to their welfare. Her doctor may have some input too. My LO insisted that she would be okay living alone, with her neighbors checking on her a few times a week, but, in reality, she needed constant supervision, due to dementia, falls and medication needs, but, her doctor said that was completely out of the question and presribed AL for her. (She was not able to afford around the clock care in her home.)
If your husband doesn't have DPOA, I might consult with an attorney to find out the options for Guardianship. They can explain the process, the evidence you need and the costs.
I think your evaluation is correct, she can't be left on her own. Hubs needs to duke this out with his family.
As for the in-laws, let's face it, they just don't want to spend the money.
Remember that in the end, you can only do what you CAN do. Without legal authority, not much. But I doubt that she will be approved to go home.
Good luck and keep in touch!
As for the in-laws, let's face it, they just don't want to spend the money.
Remember that in the end, you can only do what you CAN do. Without legal authority, not much. But I doubt that she will be approved to go home.
Good luck and keep in touch!
However, if your husband has a good relationship with his siblings, he will have to think about whether to damage it over this. Bring in home care as a first step. They could become your allies in persuading the other siblings. They will speak up if Mom isn't safe on her own and that will be the 'official' word your in-laws need to get moving on a move for Mom.
It strikes me, too, that your MIL's fall risk is an indicator that she is not able to live independently. Calling on her GP or neurologist for an evaluation may result in a recommendation that she be moved into an assisted living facility. If a doctor makes that determination, your in-laws' objections may subside.
Best of luck to you and your family.
It is hard in families to reach ONE consensus--esp hard if some of the family has been off board and don't see the whole picture. Painted in the rosy light of "Oh, we'll make one floor nice and livable for mom and someone will come in a few days a week to check on her and won't that be great?" is just not the way it works out.
The falling is a daily hazard. Any fall could be "the one" that causes the big move to a NH that you weren't ready for....and she has double vision? She shouldn't even be walking around w/o someone in attendance.
I realize you are an inlaw. I know how much weight my opinion carried on my FIL. None. But I could be a little bug in my hubby's ear, helping him to THINK and make decisions. If he has DPOA, he can override the others, something I hope will not have to happen. It's so much better if everyone is on the same page. Good Luck!!
You're worried? So bring her a meal a couple times a week and bring one for yourself too. The company is very therapeutic.
Everyone here has given excellent advice, and there is a lot for you to think about! Please let us know how you are doing.
You could also bring in a caregiver as a "housekeeper" for a couple of days a week to keep an eye on her for deterioration, to keep her safer, and prepare some meals for her to just reheat in the microwave etc. Ideally the other days one of your husbands siblings would stop by for a visit to make sure she is okay. Everyone could have an assigned day to visit and assigned day and times they call. That way you could have someone call and someone visit most every day. It could be scheduled so there is contact morning and early evening of each day. This may be your best option for the time being.
*Safety proof her current house. Block off all stairways by placing locked door or build a wall at all stairway entrances. Remove all rugs, put grab bars in shower, remove floor clutter,.... Have Home Health Physical Therapist visit her house to point out more ways to safety proof it &/or search the internet for How to safety proof house for ___ (elderly, parkinson, to prevent falls,..)
*Family members give 24/7 care in her home.
*Hire round-the-clock stranger to care for her in her home.
*Move her in with family member who takes care of her.
*Move her to Assisted Living.
*Move her to Nursing Home.
I would think she would be happiest staying in her own home as long as possible unless there is a risk she is in danger of falling down stairs, getting lost outside, starting fire while cooking, ...