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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I agree that you will likely find comfort on this site. I can, however, suggest wellspouse.org for spouses as an add-on. I have no knowledge of how many partner/partner relationships are on the WSA site but you may want to check that out, too. I think it's often helpful to have a good mix of support, so please keep coming back to agingcare, as well. There are many caregiving spouses/partners in this community. Carol
Chronic Fatigue is one of the worst illnesses, either to have to be a caregiver for...like Chronic Lyme, it's mostly invisible and leads loads of folks to assume that "it's all in your head" or that you're a malingerer. You are soooooo welcome here, we've all had that "live changes" moment and can be supportive of you in your journey. Is there a Chronic Fatigue support group in your area that you can tap into? Might be worth a try. Come here, vent, whine, support, anything you like. Hugs!
Thank you for your kind welcome. I was headed to church, few nasty words exchanged and really, anyone who sees my circles will wonder why I've been crying. We are not old, I am 58 and she is 62. Not what retirement was supposed to be. Worse is that no one knows what my life is like. Really, a couple of naps are not going to make her well.
There is a group on Facebook called Memory People. You can send them a message from their Facebook page that you want to join and they will let you know you've been added to the group. Your posts are completely private, only available to other members. It is a FABULOUS supportive knowledgable group! Over 5,000 members currently.
My gay partnerships were long ago. Now age 70, I think seeing a woman of my own age decline, would be harder than seeing a man (my current partner is male).
I think Jinx is right. When a disease is incurable, especially in old age, suddenly a lot of priorities have to change. I'll never be able to cure his bad habits, so there is no point trying! But 'humoring a lunatic' isn't the right attitude either, since H is not demented. Nor is your partner, I hope?
It is natural to feel some resentment when I find myself taking on more of the responsibilities that were and "should be" shared. That resentment is tiring and demoralizing, and I'm trying to avoid it, to stop resisting the fact of the disease and his lost abilities. Then there's the ingratitude....
My point is, don't blame yourself if you can't act like a saint all the time or have a constantly loving heart. Do your best, which may be pretty mediocre some days, forgive yourself, and forgive her. Then you are more able to enjoy the good days.
Sorry? You should read my posts! I feel like I'm whining all the time! Everyone here is so supportive.. If you write a new question referring to CFS I bet there is someone here dealing with the same issues...hugs..
Thank you for welcomingme. In anger a few weeks ago my partner told me to start acting like the caregiver I was. Until then I thought I was helping her until she got better. Of course I knew she wouldn't get better. Before you compare her illness to what all of you are dealing with let me explain. She has, in easy terms Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. That is more then just being tired, it is physical/mental/emotional, she is on disability because she can't work and often can't get out of bed or carry on a conversation.
Thanks to reading various threads here for the first time last night in bed I was able to look at her as the woman I love that I am the caregiver for, not as a rejected lover and actually slept peacefully instead of going to sleep in tears.
I AM going to hang with you guys, hope you won't be sorry you extended such kind and welcoming comments.
My husband (we're both 70) is needing more and more caretaking, and I'm learning to give it. It's a weird roller coaster, between his bad times (mimicking dementia) and his good times (normal but weak and fragile, and telling me to back off).
If you click on my icon and then on 'activity', most of the threads I'm active in have posts about spouses. But as others have said, on most questions it doesn't really matter. A care receiver is a care receiver, whatever relation and ages you both are.
There seem to be lots of christians on this website, but most seem to be "real" christians, lovers, not judgers. If anyone picks on you, let me know, and I'll punch them out!
There is much more in common in the caregiving journey than there are differences. Even if you find somewhere more specific, don't deny yourself this community! The wisdom and support are incredible.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Carol
My gay partnerships were long ago. Now age 70, I think seeing a woman of my own age decline, would be harder than seeing a man (my current partner is male).
I think Jinx is right. When a disease is incurable, especially in old age, suddenly a lot of priorities have to change. I'll never be able to cure his bad habits, so there is no point trying! But 'humoring a lunatic' isn't the right attitude either, since H is not demented. Nor is your partner, I hope?
My point is, don't blame yourself if you can't act like a saint all the time or have a constantly loving heart. Do your best, which may be pretty mediocre some days, forgive yourself, and forgive her. Then you are more able to enjoy the good days.
Thanks to reading various threads here for the first time last night in bed I was able to look at her as the woman I love that I am the caregiver for, not as a rejected lover and actually slept peacefully instead of going to sleep in tears.
I AM going to hang with you guys, hope you won't be sorry you extended such kind and welcoming comments.
If you click on my icon and then on 'activity', most of the threads I'm active in have posts about spouses. But as others have said, on most questions it doesn't really matter. A care receiver is a care receiver, whatever relation and ages you both are.
Welcome!
D: Caregiving for a husband/spouse seems to be a missing topic. Lets get our two words in.
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/caregiving-for-husband-spouse-155578.htm
There seem to be lots of christians on this website, but most seem to be "real" christians, lovers, not judgers. If anyone picks on you, let me know, and I'll punch them out!
There is much more in common in the caregiving journey than there are differences. Even if you find somewhere more specific, don't deny yourself this community! The wisdom and support are incredible.