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It's hard to do. Many elders are thrilled to be among peers, once they make the move and have an adjustment period. But most are reluctant to take on change. The two articles below may be of some help. Good luck, Carol https://www.agingcare.com/138928 https://www.agingcare.com/136651
Old people DO NOT like change. It took at least 4 or 5 doctors that evaluated my mother-in-law's mental ability while she was in rehab in the nursing home, to finally get her to go into asst living. Still she went kicking and screaming, but it saved the family from having to force her. Let some doctor be the 'bad guy' in telling your loved one it's time to go asst living.
We had a psychologist and a physician helping us and it was still a torturous process. My mother-in-law was really angry, calling us up in the middle of the night and literally screaming at us. While you can get outside support (it was definitely a lifesaver for us) it won't alleviate the emotional roller-coaster. Things are just starting to subside a year after the move, but there are still days when things are very, very rough. My poor, poor husband takes a good deal of abuse. So be prepared, steel yourself for the worst and remember to not take it personally.
A good transition can also be to look into a small, private, residential home. usually they care for 2-3 residents only and can give individual support for dementia patients. great alternative to a big facility...more like HOME, because it is
Moved Mom to a small asst living facility. How often to visit her is my question? It seems that when I go daily she thinks I am coming to take her home. I am wondering if the daily visits are not helping her adjust to her new envirorment. What do I do?
LLdaflorez, There are different opinions on this. Some say the loved one needs at least a few weeks without visits to get settled in and adjusted. I think it depends on the person.
How much does she remember? Does she have dementia? If so, then she may not remember if you are there one day to the next. My cousin, who is in Memory Care assisted living, forgets I visited 5 minutes after I leave. I still call her and visit regularly though. We enjoy the moment and I make sure she's doing okay.
Most of the family members that I know go maybe once per week. Is she getting assistance with her meds, meals, bathing, etc? Is there some reason you feel you must go daily?
Assisted Living may not be enough for her. We set up an AL apartment for my MIL and dropped her off with the explanation that she wanted more supervision, needed group activities, etc. She thought she'd like it, but said NO WAY as soon as she got there.
And her state of dementia didn't leave room for such change. After 6 days in AL, she had forgotten how to dress herself, how to walk normal distances, how to take care of her teeth. The staff at the AL didn't even try to make her welcome or assist in any way, in spite of assurances that they "knew how to deal with this sort of thing." Now she's home again.
Many ALs are really just country club apartments, with no real intention of "care" -- the advantages good for those with physical needs, but not mental ones. We looked into memory care at 80,000 a year, but we found we do as good a job as they can. The downside is, no relief for us, increasing depression for me, and no hope of a happy life for a long time. We'll just have to stick with at-home care until the resistance is no longer an issue, or hospitalization provides an out, sometime in the distant future.
Can you find someone to help with in-home care, or set up a room/apartment to distance yourself a little? We couldn't, but I think that would help. Good luck.
Ask yourself this question. Is your temperament of a nature that you can devote yourself the majority of each day and night to someone as a caretaker. Can you handle the dementia, the repeated questions, the lack of memory, possible abuse and difficult personality traits? Do you want to? Or do you want to live like a normal human being and have a life which you most likely deserve? If you can handle the problems associated with being a caretaker, fine. But if you can't or have the slightest doubts, then you must consider assisted living which probably is best for the patient too.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Carol
https://www.agingcare.com/138928
https://www.agingcare.com/136651
There are different opinions on this. Some say the loved one needs at least a few weeks without visits to get settled in and adjusted. I think it depends on the person.
How much does she remember? Does she have dementia? If so, then she may not remember if you are there one day to the next. My cousin, who is in Memory Care assisted living, forgets I visited 5 minutes after I leave. I still call her and visit regularly though. We enjoy the moment and I make sure she's doing okay.
Most of the family members that I know go maybe once per week. Is she getting assistance with her meds, meals, bathing, etc? Is there some reason you feel you must go daily?
And her state of dementia didn't leave room for such change. After 6 days in AL, she had forgotten how to dress herself, how to walk normal distances, how to take care of her teeth. The staff at the AL didn't even try to make her welcome or assist in any way, in spite of assurances that they "knew how to deal with this sort of thing." Now she's home again.
Many ALs are really just country club apartments, with no real intention of "care" -- the advantages good for those with physical needs, but not mental ones. We looked into memory care at 80,000 a year, but we found we do as good a job as they can. The downside is, no relief for us, increasing depression for me, and no hope of a happy life for a long time. We'll just have to stick with at-home care until the resistance is no longer an issue, or hospitalization provides an out, sometime in the distant future.
Can you find someone to help with in-home care, or set up a room/apartment to distance yourself a little? We couldn't, but I think that would help.
Good luck.
Take care,
Carol