My parent's are both in their late 70's. Mom is pretty healthy and is active. Dad has been depressed off and on for the last couple of years. He has been on meds. Sometimes they seem to help other times not so much. His doctors have told him he is fine and is making himself old. Within the last 2 years it has gotten to the point that he has more bad days then good. He can do things if he tries. But he doesn't want too. He flat out refuses to go places sometimes. He struggles with speaking due to a minor stroke he had several years ago. So I know that bothers him And I think he gets embarrassed by using a cane or a walker. Which he goes back n forth between the 2. Mom is always trying to get him to exercise and walk around the house. She makes plans to play cards he fusses about it but then does it. Mom has gotten to the point where she wants us kids to get on him about walking, etc. But we feel we can't make him do something he doesn't want to do. It is making it hard on me as my siblings do not see them as often or talk to them as much as I do. When I am there I do not mention it. As I feel I don't want to become the enemy. He fusses about going out to lunch but he hasn't flat out refused with me. I am just wondering how I can handle all this. When Dad doesn't want to do things-things he can do but doesn't want to. And how to deal with Mom and her continuing to ask me to tell him he has to walk, exercise, etc. He does get angry sometimes with her when she tells or asks him to do things. They are very old school Catholic. Which I respect. But when I mention maybe going to a counselor Mom insists she talks the Parish Priest. Which seems ok to a point but it just doesn't seem to be what they need. I am trying to get my sisters more involved but isn't going as well I hoped for. We all live within 15 min drive from them. So its not as they are out of town. I listen to Mom at least once or twice a week talk about how he doesn't want to do anything. I just listen and really don't respond with any thing other then I know Mom. I'm sorry. If there is anybody that can point me in a direction on how to get help with this I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you!!
I lost my mother at age 95 and my father-in-law is 86 and lives with us. I noticed they both began to be more and more lack luster and didn’t want to participate in life as much as they used to. Both lost their mates. I took my mother to a gerontologist and he said many elderly suffer from depression for various reasons, health, sadness from losses, physical limitations, chemical imbalances, etc.. So, he suggested we try an anti-depressant. Well, I baulked at that and was a little frustrated because pills seem to be the answer to everything today. Eventually, I did give in and we tried them. I honestly have to admit, they did make a significant difference and life was better for her. My father-in-law has CHF and very depressed after the loss of his wife and medication side effects, so the doctor did put him on an anti-depressant as well. It helped but not as much as with my mother. Maybe the dose needs adjusting, but tricky with the CHF drugs. Always have to consider drug interactions with individuals, as well, because what works for one person may create trouble for others
Anyway, you might want to consider having a discussion with his physician about his current medications to see if one might be creating his depression and if not, then consider the possibility of trying an anti-depressant. There are many options to choose from, so if one doesn’t work, maybe try a different one before giving up. You can always take him off if you don’t see an improvement. Just a thought.
If your Dad isn't able to get around that well, maybe his priest will have some ideas as to where he could be helpful in the church. Everybody has something to give and every little bit helps. Good luck!!