After extensive testing by experts, the unanimous conclusion is that my Dad should no longer live alone. He needs help with his meds, his bills, his taxes, his meals, etc. . His home is 115 miles away from mine, and I don't drive. I'm the only child. He can't drive anymore, either, and is very angry about that. He has been staying with me for 6 or 7 weeks, while getting testing. I live in a tiny mobile home and work full-time. He has been told by the geriatric psychiatrist that he should move to my town so I can help him, but he doesn't have much respect for the doctor, and disregards what he says. As soon as I can get some info about what places are available nearby that would offer what he needs and what he will need in the future, I'll have to bring up the idea of him moving into such a place, and he will just EXPLODE! He has dementia, and his temper and memory are both terrible. He isn't in such shape that he could be forced to live somewhere he doesn't want to. Ideas?
Would he let you have his car for you to drive and offer to drive him around?
I sure hope that you already have durable and medical POA for your dad or at least get it before a doctor declares him incompetent to conduct his business in a business like manner.
Given the test results, I would think the doctor would not have any trouble saying he is not competent to handle his business in a business like manner. Incompetence is not the same as totally incapacitated which seems to be what some people think it is. Are you having to write on his checks and pay his bills for him out of his bank account? Are you having to do or have someone do his taxes for him? I have the horrible discovery that my mother and step-dad had not paid their taxes since 2004.
I had to experience this with my parent as well-but as challening as it appears, there is hope that it can work..
Since you Dad is resistant to the idea of AL--you may have to do the leg work yourself-and find a place for him. If you have both POA-it will make the tranformation easier. Not all Asssited Living facilities are created equal--so you or someone will have to see what AL's best fit his needs-If finances are something you need to consider-then you will most likely be best off in a 'not for profit' facility---as they accept government assistance. Once a place is established-go for a tour alone, and them with your dad. Explain to him - that this is just temporary- and he has the option to not remain if need be. This possibly can make things easier.
The only alternative would be for him to accept home health care...The amount of hours you would need such care would best determoned upon his condition....
This is very difficult at the onset....but as time goes on he may realize the necessity for one of the options put into place.
Best to you and to your Dad~
Hap
We picked a place that is only a few miles from my home and my job so that she sees me frequently, as well as my sister and brother, when they can make it.
Things still aren't perfect...I still get calls from her about things like her saying they won't give her Tylenol for her back ache and I have to call the nurse and find out what the true situation is....realizing that mom's memory and time perception is sometimes off.
Good luck in whatever you decide to do. Another reason we opted for AL was b/c we had aides come to her house several hours a week, at $18/hr and her money was disappearing and we realized we wouldn't have money for AL, which is not funded by Medicare and we wanted to avoid a Medicaid nursing home for as long as possible.
Don't feel guilty about doing whatever you need to do to care for your father b/c your health, both physical and emotional, are important and if you don't care for yourself, you definitely will be of no support to your day.
God Bless You!