I have a relative in a nursing home that I have been responsible for during the last 5 years. The nursing home is an hour and an half drive from my home. Other family members live in different parts of the country and are not available to help. I have been delaying surgery on a very painful foot (my foot) condition for the past year because I would not be able to drive for 2 months after the surgery. I am concerned I would not be able to get to the nursing home if there were an emergency situation.
I am truly struggling with this situation, and I think it would help me if I could hear how other people have handled a situation like this.
Thank you.
Then I came to my senses and saw the surgeon.
Seriously, take care of your own health! The relative in the home has his/her needs being met.
I cringe when you say you have foot pain. A friend ignored his and just had it amputated due to post-injury osteomyelitis. Sure, you might not be able to drive to the home in an emergency. Or you may become the emergency.
Like what? Fire, flood, earthquake?
First responders will help.
A health emergency?
Paramedics will help.
An event making you want to visit?
You will use you phone.
To talk to NH staff.
To talk to ER or hospital staff.
To make video calls.
Staff can be found to assist if your LO cannot work a phone independanty.
If the worst happened & your LO became unwell & was expected to pass away, you would find someone to drive you there.
If you could not find a driver, or your LO was expected to pass before you could get there, you will have staff hold the phone to your LO's ear to say goodbye. (Hearing is the last to go they say).
No-one can plan for every scenario.. so that's some.
Have the confidence you WILL be able to problem solve for anything.
Also that you can trust others (in the short time you are in surgery or recovering).
Now, use some of your kindness towards your foot ❤️🦶
No, in an emergency you would not be able to get there.
This person is care.
In an emergency the care center handles the situation as the POA has dictates it be handled, there are phones, and care is transferred from care center to Hospital to EMS. You are not directly involved and you are not directly needed.
There are phone hookups.
This is life. Emergencies happen all the time. When my brother was in care I was at the other end of the state, access only by plane and covid hit. Life didn't stop. In fact he WAS hospitalized, he did need to go back to his ALF on Hospice and he did die without me there. No matter we were for our lifetimes Hansel and Gretel hand in hand in the dark woods, in the end we COULD NOT BE.
You know who you are. Your loved one knows who he/she is. You both are doing the best you can.
In life we expect the unexpected, or we are in for a whole lot of surprises.
Stop worrying about the future.
Stop putting off care you need.
Do you see how ridiculous this all sounds? You would rather live in bad pain with your foot just so you can be available for this relative, in case there is an "emergency situation" instead of getting out of pain and being able to live and enjoy your life without pain.
I'm sorry but that is messed up. You sadly and obviously don't think much of yourself now do you?
While I was caring for my late husband at home, I ended up having to have 7 surgeries in 7 years(between 2011-2018), including a total hip replacement, and while my daughter did stay with us for 10 days after my hip replacement, she then had to return to her own family and I was on my own to care for my husband and myself all by myself.
And by 2018 my husband had taken a definite turn for the worse. In fact 2 weeks after my hip replacement surgery he ended up in the hospital for 10 days and because I couldn't drive yet, and was walking slower than normal, I had to have friends and neighbors drive me to the hospital so I could be with him.
We do what we have to for those we love, but that love has to be for ourselves as well.
So please get that foot taken care of sooner than later, and if need be you can always call an Uber if you feel you need to get to the nursing home for an "emergency."
I think nearly Every caregiver neglects their own health needs when taking care of another. And we all hear the same empty platitudes that we need to take care of ourselves, and we know that.
However, from what you describe, Why are YOU feeling responsible to care for your loved one IN A NURSING HOME? That is the job of the nursing home!
Go get your foot surgery! Call and schedule it NOW!
If there is an emergency situation, you will find a way to get there, IF you need to. And what if there is no emergent situation for years to come? Are you going to wait to take of yourself, just in case?
Take care of your health. Caregivers are usually in the worst health because of constantly putting off surgeries, and other needed mental/healthcare to take care of someone else. No, their life is not more important than yours. You are taking care of them and doing a good job at it. However, who will take care of you when you need it?
Looking back, I worked for a horrible staffing agency and was promoted to a staffing coordinator making about thirty dollars more per week than when I worked the fields as a home health aide. The agency paid me peanuts. I was on-call constantly and not being paid extra from the company. The company lost its medicaid accreditation because of fraudulent billing practices that was uncovered during a survey. Later, I found out that I was hired to help clean up the mess the former management team had created. On top of all that, I was going to be out of a job. I was stuck with my sister, daughter and a house that dad refused to repair. I lost the job and pounded the pavement going on fruitless job interviews back then while drawing unemployment. I finally landed a job that lasted until I retired.
To people who have quit their jobs: Go back to work. You will need your income, medical insurance, and eventually retirement benefits. Don't let your love one guilt you into giving up your job with promises of an inheritance. This rarely happens. This is an old manipulative ploy to keep you in a situation that will cut time off your life. As their life gets smaller, so will yours. No healthy thinking parent will expect you to give up your life to take care of them draining you of what productive years you have left.
Do not give up your independence. Many caregivers ended up homeless after their loved one passed away. This doesn't include the greedy relatives who are willing to sell the family property to get their fair share.