I have been a co-caretaker, along with my aunt, for my diabetic grandmother, who also has dementia, since my grandfather passed away last December. After my GPA’s death, I took a month off of work to help GMA recover and establish new routines without GPA. However, now that I am back at work (60+ hours/week), I’m having trouble convincing my aunt that I can no longer aid my grandma in the same capacity as when I took the time off. I have tried several times over the weeks and months to communicate with her that I am burned out, and that we desperately need a professional caretaker to help out at least a couple of hours a day. What’s worse is she disappears for hours without communicating to us where she is or when she will return on a daily basis. I have sacrificed my health, social life and intellectual pursuits - and all because I love my grandma and feel guilty leaving her hanging. I can’t help but feel hopeless in this situation, especially because I have no financial power or ability to make medical decisions. I have tried emailing her, texting her, leaving notes, talking to her — all to no avail. I even told her a few times I have to step away from my duties so I can regain my health back, but she has ignored that as well, knowing that I don’t have the heart to actually follow through with it without some sort of support or backup system for GMA. I should add that moving out is not an option for me now, as I am shipping off to graduate school within the next four months. What should I do?
I can't imagine what your aunt thinks she's playing at. I assume she, your aunt, is aware that you will not be there for much longer, yes? So what does she plan to do when you are no longer in the picture at all?
When you were last in touch with your aunt - which was when, by the way? - what did you talk about?
Does Aunt have POA?
I understand how much you care for your Gma and don't want her to be neglected so you may have to bring in the big guns and call adult protective services and explain the situation.
Do you think auntie may have a touch of dementia herself or some other mental illness. Her behavior is not really normal when she is a caregiver. You need to know where she is so at least you can call.
It sounds as though Gma is left alone for many hours a day. This is definitely not safe for someone with dementia who needs assistance with the basics.
There is no way you would not be burned out given the hours you work and the time you get home. It is very likely that you yourself will become ill if you keep this up.
Do you have parents still living. If they are how involved are they in this?
You are helping with Gma presumably in exchange for room and board therefor you are not a paid caregiver and are therefor free to leave at any time and will be doing so in four months.
Do not even consider changing your plans.
Your aunt is the responsible party so don't be afraid to call in the authorities. Keep us in the loop.
Much as you love your grandmother and don't want this to rebound on her, you have GOT to recognise that her care is not your responsibility.
And I second what Veronica says about the length of time your grandmother is left alone. Maybe AAonA will be able to suggest how you can get the ball rolling on in-home care for your grandmother without waiting for your aunt's permission.