My husband, my Dad and I have moved into a new home together, primarily because my 93yrs old Dad is not able to remain in his own Unit any longer, even with the extensive services that we were accessing. This is very new for all three of us. Dad is very sad and just wants to return to his former home. Is there anything we do do or say to help him to settle into his new circumstances?
If he is able to continue with the medical services he used when he was on his own, those contacts may help him stay anchored as he attempts to reconcile his new life with what he’s lost.
If not, this may be a good time to help him connect with a comprehensive geriatric medical practice, that will give him, and you who love him, objective guidance when helping him through the inevitable changes that have begun to occur in his ability to manage his own life.
You have chosen to embark upon a new life for the three of you, and in fairness, you need to be ready to see unexpected changes and unanticipated reactions in each of you.
In a “perfect” elder care set up in my home, we realized in less than a year, that my mother, whom I had sworn would NEVER enter residential care, was unhappy and uncomfortable, and that the ebb and flow of life in a good local residence was what she needed to feel safe and loved.
I went every day for 5 1/2 years, and I too began to love what I saw happening for her.
I hope your situation develops into a pleasant, peaceful experience that meets one exceeds every expectation you have for the course you’ve chosen.
Whatever the outcome, you’ve clearly made your decisions based on the love and respect you have for your dad. That’s really one of the most important considerations when moving forward.
Please take care of yourselves, as you take care of him.
If you look at lists that list the most stressful events in our lives moving is pretty high on the list. If I recall it is close to the death of a loved one.
Give him time to adjust.
The fact that he has anxiety might not be helping.
Given his age there may be some cognitive decline as well and the "fear" of forgetting where things are, where you are can be stressful.
Is there a Senior Center or Adult Day care that he would be interested in going to to meet people, have some activity and be engaged with others? That might also help him
The one benefit to memory issues, if he has any, is that home will soon be where he is rather than where he was. Eventually it'll be where he grew up, but that's an entirely different issue.
BUT, now that ya'll are all living together, hopefully you have brought all his old bedroom stuff to decorate his bedroom like his old one with the same furniture, pictures, ect.
Also, he should have the same chair that he always sits in.
It's very hard for an old person to make changes, especially if the person has a little dementia.
Just be kind, loving and patient with him and hopefully slowly but surely he can find happiness again in the new house.
But remember he is going through a huge loss and adjustment and it's hard at any age but very hard for Seniors this age.
You should deffiently explain to him why he needed to move and let him know you know how much he misses his old home and your sorry he is sad and assure him it will get a little better every day.
Quite clearly this was NOT sustainable. Can you try just offering positive suggestions? This is more like laying guilt on OP (and many others when you state this over and over again.)