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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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My mother lived in a Memory Care ALF for nearly 3 years too, and as her Sundowning got worse, she wanted to 'go home' and insisted on 'riding the train' to see her 'mama and papa' in Brooklyn. We live in Colorado. "Home" is more of a place in time than a brick & mortar building for a dementia patient. Your mother is likely wanting to go back to a place in time when she was young and carefree, not burdened down with dementia and all the fears associated with memory loss. There really isn't much you can say or do for her that's likely to help. For my mom, what did help her was Ativan to calm her down as the Sundowning worsened. I had asked her doctor to prescribe it a few months before she got approved for hospice. Then, when hospice came on board, they increased her dose from .25 every 6 hrs to .5 every 4 hours or as needed. That helped her A LOT in asking to go home and/or where her mama was. She had been convinced that mama was in the Memory Care, and being hidden from her. She was also convinced she was living in a hotel and the 'girls' were taking her to a new and different hotel nightly but that all her things were at the new hotel, which she couldn't understand HOW was possible. Sigh. Such confusion and chaos the poor souls have to suffer with.
I think in your case, it's more important the staff knows that mom feels she's in a train station, so they can go in there and comfort her. A familiar face and a snack can help her feel grounded when she's scared, basically. If you can go visit her and/or call her to let her hear a familiar voice, that may help her as well. As far as talking her off the ledge that she's not in a train station goes, not likely to happen. We have to enter THEIR world now, b/c we're not going to convince them their illusions are false. That's where calming meds can help a lot, so speak to mom's doctor. Also see if she's ready for a hospice evaluation? Hospice was SO helpful with my mom at the end of her life, in keeping her calm, bringing her a hospital bed, all sorts of things. And during the last week of her life, they kept her out of pain entirely, too, for which I'm very grateful.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet ( a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. It may give you some tips & tricks to help you deal with mom & her wanting to go home, etc
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The full copy of her book is available here: https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Wishing you good luck & Godspeed as you navigate this difficult journey.
You might play along with her about being in the train station. Tell her you’re checking on the schedule or remind her that the train will be there soon. I’m thinking she connects the train to going home, and it might reassure her if she thinks you’re taking her seriously
Perhaps start a conversation with her about the house she grew up in. That’s enough for one day – even more, as she may find more memories once she starts talking about it. Then eventually follow it with conversations about other places where she has lived. When she starts wanting to go ‘home’, divert the conversation back to what she has told you about the old places. It might be better than trying to explain where she is now. Good luck!
Susan125, I remember getting telephone calls from my Dad saying he had missed the last bus from work and he was staying the night at a hotel. Actually Dad was calling from his senior living facility, but in his mind he was still at work, attending meetings, etc. I just played along with it.
When my Mom was living in a nursing home, I also had to figure out which "home" she was referring. Eventually she asked if the cows were out in the field, then I knew it was her childhood home. Mom thought she was staying at a motel, and would get upset saying my Dad went on a sightseeing trip without her, again had to play along.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I think in your case, it's more important the staff knows that mom feels she's in a train station, so they can go in there and comfort her. A familiar face and a snack can help her feel grounded when she's scared, basically. If you can go visit her and/or call her to let her hear a familiar voice, that may help her as well. As far as talking her off the ledge that she's not in a train station goes, not likely to happen. We have to enter THEIR world now, b/c we're not going to convince them their illusions are false. That's where calming meds can help a lot, so speak to mom's doctor. Also see if she's ready for a hospice evaluation? Hospice was SO helpful with my mom at the end of her life, in keeping her calm, bringing her a hospital bed, all sorts of things. And during the last week of her life, they kept her out of pain entirely, too, for which I'm very grateful.
I suggest you read this 33 page booklet ( a free download) which has THE best information ever about managing dementia and what to expect with an elder who's been diagnosed with it. It may give you some tips & tricks to help you deal with mom & her wanting to go home, etc
Understanding the Dementia Experience, by Jennifer Ghent-Fuller
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/210580
Jennifer is a nurse who worked for many years as an educator and counsellor for people with dementia and their families, as well as others in caring roles. She addresses the emotional and grief issues in the contexts in which they arise for families living with dementia.
The full copy of her book is available here:
https://www.amazon.com/Thoughtful-Dementia-Care-Understanding-Experience/dp/B09WN439CC/ref=sr_1_2?crid=2E7WWE9X5UFXR&keywords=jennifer+ghent+fuller+books&qid=1657468364&sprefix=jennifer+ghent%2Caps%2C631&sr=8-2
Wishing you good luck & Godspeed as you navigate this difficult journey.
If she’s actually distressed, has she had a physical recently? UTIs can cause troubled or disoriented feelings and reactions.
”Home” may mean any place in whatever she’s thinking, real or as ephemeral as the train station.
Her comfort level is more important than the details of what she may be thinking.
Hope you find a suitable solution.
When my Mom was living in a nursing home, I also had to figure out which "home" she was referring. Eventually she asked if the cows were out in the field, then I knew it was her childhood home. Mom thought she was staying at a motel, and would get upset saying my Dad went on a sightseeing trip without her, again had to play along.