I am one of 4 siblings who is having a difficult time with decisions about helping our mom. She is not cooperating and has become a burden on her immediate and extended family by staying with different relatives for extended periods of time as she has no home of her own. She has spent time with each of her children and their families for months and years at a time since the mid- 90's. She is 83, her health is declining, she has rotten teeth and weighs about 95 pounds (she is 5' 7"). She believes that the Universe will provide for her and doesn't make plans for her future or take action to help herself. She had been staying with her cousin for the past 14 years, and he recently passed away. She found herself with no place to live and now is with another cousin who she hadn't seen in 40 years. She says she is just visiting, but doesn't make plans to leave, doesn't help with expenses and then becomes a burden. My siblings and I agree that it is time for her to find an assisted living home as she cannot continue to be a vagabond. We no longer have the capability or the desire to have her live with us. Can we force her into a home? If we don't, she will continue to take advantage of her relatives and friends and her options will run out if they haven't already. She received Social Security, but she won't tell us how much.
You can't force her into a home, but you can help her apply for Medicaid to pay for long term care, IF she qualifies. Or give her a list of motels nearby and their monthly rates; SHE can figure out if her Social Security is enough to fund her stay in one of those places. My brother in law did that very thing for 2 decades and it worked out just fine. But just tell her the gig is up as far as mooching off of the family goes. See where the Universe will have her stay next, that's my suggestion.
- if no one is her PoA or legal guardian, no one can force her to live in a facility, or live anywhere or do anything that she doesn't want to do, no matter how bizarre it seems to others. But you can prevent her from moving into your own home. Once she establishes mail at your residence, it's legally her home and you'll need to go through an eviction process to extricate her (the police will escort her "away" if she's uncooperative -- but then, where will she go?)
- with no savings and only SSI, she most likely can't afford any AL. Please do not even think about paying for it -- it is unsustainable and will only become more expensive as her care level increases. And again, she can't be forced to stay there if no one is her active PoA or legal guardian.
- she is not a candidate for Medicaid since she apparently doesn't yet need LTC (but would probably qualify on the financial part).
Whoever she lives with now needs to think about how to get her out of their house. The siblings must have a plan in place for where she will land: someone needs to contact a social worker and talk about Section 8 housing and any other assistance she may need. Again, no one can force her to live there but if everyone tells her no to living with them, she may see it's her only option.
Then, when she no longer can take care of herself and APS is called, the county will acquire guardianship and then manage all her financial and medical affairs, and decide where she will reside. They can't do this until she is found to be "incapacitated", vulnerable or a danger to herself. Otherwise, maybe she can be brought to a woman's shelter? Shelters are mostly in urban areas. Does she have a history of mental illness?
I wish you much clarity and wisdom as you work to help her get resettled.
You can make your position clear to any new ‘host’ who rings you about it. If mother runs out of ‘hosts’, that’s when you need to think about ‘home’ options – particularly if she lands on your doorstep.
It is not in expensive by any means.
You can not "force" her into a home.
If she is not competent you can obtain Guardianship and place her in a facility that is appropriate for her.
What you can do is...and this is going to be VERY difficult.....
If each of your siblings feels as you do do NOT let her come and visit. Not even a visit, it seems when she visits she moves in.
If the rest of the family cousins et al...if they are tired of this they as well should refuse to let her "visit".
If at any time she is hospitalized inform the medical staff that she is a vulnerable senior, no caregivers and no home to be discharged to. Let the Social Worker work with her to plan her next step.