My mother has stayed with my husband and I off and on since 2011. She was hospitalized in 2014 and after having major surgery and spending 4 months in rehab we decided to have her to live in our home. In addition to recovering from surgery she has Parkinson's, dementia and hypertension. I soon realized how difficult it was caring for her in our home and 2 months later I made the heart-wrenching decision to move her AL . She continued getting physical and occupational therapy in AL, but disliked living there. I had enough hearing how bad things were for her in AL and after 11 months moved her into a townhome near us with round the clock private caregivers including myself. She is now 87 and her dementia has progressed, but not to the point where she needs memory care. Her place is open which makes it easier for her to move around and there are some handicap features that we don't have in our house. (grab bars, walk in shower, high toilet, lift chair etc. ) I continue helping as her caregiver while working full time for 2 years and gradually going to part time for another 2 years, but stopped working altogether in 2018. I have financially supplemented my mother's care and continue to do so, but I don't know how much longer I can. I am on a fixed income and use some of my retirement money to help in addition to spending 3 - 4 days/nights at her home each week to offset paying others. I am 64, and my husband is 70 and I want and need to devote more time to doing some of the things we hoped for in our retirement. I have considered many options but is seems the only way to provide her long term care is to sell her townhouse and use the proceeds to pay for AL. This is a heart-wrenching decision and one that she won't take well. My only sibling is not able to care for her, is not able to contribute financially, lives 500 miles away and will not consider moving closer to be with her nor does he want her to go to AL! I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. Any advice on how to initiate the AL conversation or other care options that I need to consider?
If the townhome needs to be sold, so be it, none of us get what we want all the time and life continues to evolve and so must we.
My mother is now in AL and she really likes it, she has made many new friends and there is always someone around 24/7, she is safe.
Whatever your sibling wants really doesn't matter, if he is unwilling to take her in then he has no vote, easy for him to say no to AL.
Sending support your way!
You basically need to take her to a few places and say pick one. Show her the positive things about each place.
It's very difficult and practically takes a miracle. But stay positive and hopeful. Don't give up. Your future is counting on you.
You are doing the best thing for her even if she does not like it.