My husband is in a memory care unit at the cost of $10000/ month. It is eating through our assets rapidly. We still have a cabin up north that our one son goes to as often as possible. It is 9 hours away so he goes around 5-6 times a year. He is the one of our four children who loves this place. My financial adviser advises me to sell it as I still pay about $4000/year for taxes, insurance, utilities, etc. The proceeds from the sale would help to offset expenses of care somewhat. In my heart I agree, I haven't been there in 3 years and that is ok, I am visiting my husband daily here. The inner struggle I have in selling is not my sentiment of the place, but I feel like I am breaking my son's heart by selling. Everyone else seems like it is right to sell, but I don't get those vibes from him. I don't need this turmoil (and it is probably my own making). Need help with this decision or rather I need to accept doing it without guilt. Need some input please. Thanks.
Talk to your kids, all of them, about the financial realities that you and the dad are facing. Can they jointly afford to buy the cabin at market value?
(Is your financial advisor someone who understands Medicaid regs and gets that, as the community spouse, you should not be impoverishing yourself?)
Is your son spending time at the cabin because be knows his time there has a "sell by" date?
I'm sorry that you are in such turmoil over this issue. Talk to your son and other children. I'm sure you'll feel better.
When I was young, we spent summers at our neighbor’s cottage on a lake in Pennsylvania. It was a fantastic way to grow up. However,when the neighbors both passed, the cottage was sold. I was very sad, but I survived. Sometimes we need to be a little selfish. Would your son put his own happiness over his dad’s care and well-being? If he loves the area, perhaps renting a cabin or an RV would work if he still wants to go. Selling the cabin to free up money for his dad’s care isn’t the end of the world for your son. He’s an adult and needs to realize you have priorities. Your financial advisor has told you to sell the cabin. Explain to your son that this is the way it must be and you wish it wasn’t so, but it just is.
It is time to sit down with all the kids and explain clearly and without emotion, that you need the funds selling the cottage would bring to care for Dad.
You could give the kids first dibs on buying it at market price less perhaps 10% to cover what you would lose in selling costs using a realtor.
Be clear that keeping the cottage is not an option. If the kids want one last summer, tell them they have to pay for the property tax, insurance and Dad’s memory care fees through Sept. as that is money out of your pocket that would have been covered by the sale.
It may open their eyes to what it is costing you for their holidays.
Ps, my brother and I are paying to keep our cottage in the family.