He isn't a people person unless he knows them and won't meet others. He has gone through quite a bit in the last year and is depressed a lot of the time. He had a stroke in Jan. 2014. He has been moved from the hospital to a nursing home and then to live with his step-son, wife and children. His left hand can not do much but he is self-sufficient in every other area. He wants to help and gets upset when he spills something or drops something because he was a left handed person and he is having a hard time adjust his right hand to act for both.
I suggested she go to the seniors centre ... no way "It's full of old people" ... she was 84 at the time. I took her there, we looked around, lovely and many activities but she wouldn't go ... too far ... I'll drive you (it as just down the road) - excuses, excuses, excuses, yet we had the daily I'm bored, I'm lonely, wah, wah, wah.
I kinda understand what your Dad is going through regarding not having use of your primary hand/arm.... when I broke my shoulder it was my primary arm... oh my gosh, trying to do something as simple as brushing my teeth using my other arm/hand was so very awkward and messy. Same with eating, I felt like I was 3 years old again trying to master a fork and spoon, forget about using a knife.
It will take a very long time before using his other hand/arm feels natural, and even longer when you are older. I finally had to find some sense of humor in what I was trying to do, as frustrating as it was. It became a game trying to spear a pea on my plate with a fork. Half usually went on the floor, oh well, the carpet was hungry.
In my very early teens, I became a ward of the state after being rescued from an abusive home where my parents were abusing me. I was also antisocial because I was picked on by the other kids my age. This caused me to withdraw to myself and stay in my room most of the time. Fortunately I had a private room and spent most of my time alone until the staff started trying to roust me out of my room and they started trying to force me to socialize with people I simply didn't get along with. That made me violent because of how socialization with people I didn't get along too was being forced upon me when I really didn't want it. I was trying to avoid people I didn't get along with, not get in a situation where I can be picked on even more. The reason why I had to end up with the drawing is because I finally got to my human wits end where I just couldn't handle the bullying, and as a result of bullying I started physically attacking the bullies. The workers were actually making matters worse by also bullying me. This made me lash out at them as well as the bullies. There was a certain amount of corruption in the state placement, and every resident was drugged. With everything compounded, it was actually a terrible mess. Forcing someone into being social with someone they don't get along with that's actually bullying them only makes matters worse when the victim is trying to avoid the bullies.
I hope my past situation will help you think twice before considering forcing your dad to socialize if he doesn't want to because it really can have very nasty consequences if you force him because anyone who's forced into a situation they don't want to be in for safety reasons is most likely to become very combative, especially if there happens to be danger lurking somewhere. You don't want to force your dad to socialize if there may be someone he knows about who happens to not have his best interest at heart. Sometimes people stay to themselves as a way to protect themselves, call it self-preservation. One good reason why some people stay to themselves is past rejection forced upon them by others, especially if they are not popular in the area where they live. Sometimes people become wrongful targets even if they haven't done anything wrong, and easy targets are often people who live and travel alone. Sometimes people have very good legitimate reasons for not socializing much, and this would be a very good reason to find out why because it may be that your dad has actually faced wrongful rejection somewhere. That would be a very good time to find out something and use my experience as an example of why some people won't socialize, because there's usually a very good reason why.
Sometimes, I think that, as painful as it is for us to watch, we have to accept that our loved one is having a very difficult time for good reason. Pushing him to be more social when he hasn't ever been social may just frustrate him. He needs to be loved as he is (and I know he is but he needs to feel it). With time, he may come to accept these physical limitations, but he's grieving these losses.
Counseling could help some people but my feeling is that this isn't something he'd try. As long as he's seeing the right doctors, my opinion - and this is only my opinion - is that he needs time and space and love. Given that, he may become more active but he's not likely to become what he isn't just to please others.
It's hard to watch this, I know. We want the best for those we love. But they need understanding and support.
Take care of yourself - this is hard on you, too.
Carol
Maybe more PT and OT would increase his self-esteem. He sounds defeated.
You can't push your dad into social situations if he doesn't want to participate and feeling depressed will keep him isolated as well. Is the depression being treated by a Dr.? Is your dad on an anti-depressant?