I have just realized all my problems go away if I find a facility for my husband.
I am so tired of trying to live a life around him. Worrying, scheduling, making nice. He has dementia and dealing with personal hygiene is a violent endeavor. For me, for his aide. He has started taking Ativan which brings him down a small notch. He is incontinent. Every day it is a battle. He won’t brush his teeth. If he does there is a good chance he is going to spit it at me.
outside of this huge drama, he is fine, I can deal. He is still in there, he shows his old self to me, and in those moments I feel like the monster for thinking of moving him out.
I'm sorry you're going through this situation, both of you. There's no easy answer with dementia, so we wind up choosing the lesser of the ugly options, in reality. My mother lived in Memory Care Assisted Living for the last 3 years of her life and it was the best decision possible. Good luck to you.
And I did catch your sentence that said "outside of this huge drama, he is fine...."
Your husband is not fine. He never will be again as his brain is now broken and things will only get worse.
I'm sorry. It's hard, I know first hand. There are no easy answers, but the bottom line is that there will come a point when you will have to do not only what is best for your husband but for you as well.
God bless you.
Do what is best for the both of you, find a nice home for him and regain your life before it is too late. The stress of dealing with someone in his condition can end up shortening your life.Your husband is NOT fine by any stretch of the imagination.Sending support your way!
It does no dishonor to a long and loving relationship to admit that you need time of your own, that your husband got a DREADFUL disease but you did not.
I believe guilt is inappropriate now. You didn't cause this. You cannot fix this. And you may well sacrifice your own life to this if you continue. What then of even loving visits for your hubby?
My heart goes out to you. You are not alone. See an attorney about division of assets and protecting the money you will need for your own care.
This shows no lack of love. This is bowing before the reality of our own limitations. I am so dreadfully sorry for this pain. Just remember to keep the right G-word, GRIEF in the fore; there will be plenty who will want to change it to "guilt."
I wish you the very best of luck.
Go for it!