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We are fairly new to all this helping out elderly parents and caregiving, but need to find some resources we can turn to for help since we have 3 parents between 80-92 all with different health issues and level of care needed. MIL has been residing with us for awhile now and we believe has dementia (no official diagnosis) but it is reaching the point we can no longer care for her or give her the care she needs. She's stubborn and is refusing to go to the Dr so not sure what other options we have. We have found her meds rolled up in tissues, on the floor, in her pockets etc. so sure she is not taking them the way she should even though she swears she is. She isn't bathing but once maybe twice a week and basically all she does is sleep. The other 2 parents are not far behind as they change Dr appointments and neglect to let anyone know, miss taking pills because of not having the prescription filled etc. We have just reached a point where we need to get a break from at least one of them. There are no other siblings around to help so it strictly us and feel bad but cannot let that stand in the way of the care she needs. I did call the Dr. and they suggested a virtual visit which she refuses so wondering who else if anyone can we reach out to other than just keep thinking she will make it to the hospital when she falls or something similar and just refuse to have them send her back home? Am I awful for thinking this way........Anyway thanks for listening.

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You ask how can we do this. Some of us here have never, in fact, done it. I am a retired RN. I always knew I do not have in in me to do 24/7 caregiving in my home. And I mean even for the most loving and cooperative elder. I have been well acquainted with my limitations for a long time. I did act as POA and Trustee of Trust for my brother, helped him with his move to ALF . I helped him all I could, fielding phone companies, helping with sale of his last small home, and etc. But I did not do in home care. In fact my bro chose to stay in So California while I have always been a No Cal girl. We neither of us cared for our parents, who arranged for their own downsizing from independent to assisted living.
So there is that. I would caution you not to give up your own life to the needs of your elders, and not to take them into your own home if this is not something you wish to do. At best, and with all skill and willingness, it is quite impossible, and you will see, if you stay on Forum, the breaking points as they happen.
My best to you. Welcome to the Forum.
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Thanks for the response and the welcome.....Ugh I can only wish they would have made arrangements like that and unfortunately none of them have many assets which puts us in another predicament but guess we will deal with that when/if we get there. Unfortunately she already does live with us which in the beginning not a big issue but now is and is doing everything she possibly can to not have to leave. I've heard of people talking about ER drops but with COVID I am guessing that may not even get us anywhere since many hospitals are diverting patients because of capacity.......
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Becca, as you can imagine, America is full of elders who have no resources saved, and who have never had any children, but still do need care. They usually end being on medicaid in a nursing home situation. Please do not, whatever you do, begin to sink money that you and your family will need in your OWN elder years for your care, into care of elders who don't have means themselves now. You will end up both bankrupt, without care for yourself, and driven crazy. I would suggest that you begin by seeing an Elder Law Attorney to discuss where you are with your thinking, where this may go, and what options will be open as well as what POA and will work must be done NOW by whomever is still competent to do it.
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Thank you for the info. At this point it just seems all so overwhelming esp dealing with 3 elders and all with different issues. I guess all we can do is take 1 at a time and move forward otherwise I may totally go insane.
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