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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
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I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
I know its hard to be a caregiver and to show empathy, care and concern when it is not returned. All I can say is we all do the best we can. I wish the person we are caring for could validate and acknowledge our contributions but sometimes they just can't because of their illness, personality or upbringing.
The anger and resentment is real. I hope you will consider talking to a social worker and making alternate care arrangements if it is getting to be too much for you. Also consider talking to a family therapist, counsellor or joining a support group. Seek out as many resources as you can.
I recognized too late that anger is a terrible poison and a sign of burnout. I kept struggling along when I needed to make other choices. Hindsight is 20/20. I hope you can find the help you need.
I am being the example for the next generation. I am treating others the way I would like to be treated. It is what the Lord expects of me. All of these reasons keep me going.
Badly. I did it badly. Then I got better at it. I came to terms with things, most of them anyway, one issue at a time. Then my focus changed from wanting my mother to acknowledge reality to more pressing matters, like how to get her into the car without its taking all morning or ending in tears, or learning to use a hoist safely. Events overtook preoccupations, as they do tend to.
You know how there was a gradual shift in emphasis a few decades back from modelling perfect parents to accepting "good enough" parents? If you're doing your best, and there isn't a clearly better alternative available for your parent's care, you might just have to cut yourself some slack.
If you are afraid that you might cross a line, DO something. You can:
try emergency breathing exercises. Seriously, they help.
come here and rant away. We understand.
pretend your parent is somebody else's mother or father. I would never have spoken to any other elderly lady in the way I sometimes did to my mother. I would have gone ballistic if another person had been so unkind or sarcastic to her. Role-playing helped get me through some stressful moments, and the rest I will keep on repenting.
bring in reinforcements. An aide to help with bathing. Someone to "granny-sit" while you take yourself out for some fresh air, or nap for an hour. Find out what services and support groups are around in your location - there are probably many more than you realise.
And in a real emergency, report yourself. You can always call your Area Agency or APS for advice and support, you know. You're not turning yourself in, you're asking for help.
Do you mean they are not appreciative of care now? That can be the result of the disease, and should not be taken too seriously. (Easier said than done.)
Or do you mean you are caring for someone who did not care for you in the past, for example a parent who was neglectful or abusive? An abusive spouse? That is generally an unhealthy situation. The best way to handle it is from a distance. Advocate for this person and do your best to see they have adequate care, but do not provide it personally.
I do what I feel is right and no ‘feelings’ are necessary. While I’m with my parents I try to find some time for myself to drive around cursing, screaming and crying. It doesn’t take long and I feel better.
When I’m back home I call to see how things are going with them and otherwise I don’t think of my parents at all. They’re safe and healthy. Mom’s in AL and Dad’s at home. For now.
I don't think empathy is required, just matter of fact proficiency. It might help to think of the situation as though you are an outside caregiver and they are your client... easier said than done I know. If possible keep some physical and mental distance and allow outsiders to share the responsibilities as much as possible.
Its not easy. I did it for my Mother who has always been and still is the most uncaring person I have ever met. I mourned the loss of my mother ( who is still very much alive ) then moved on and realized I needed distance and help from outside sources. You cant spend your life caring for someone who has never cared for you, the resentment will swallow your soul if you let it.....
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I know its hard to be a caregiver and to show empathy, care and concern when it is not returned. All I can say is we all do the best we can. I wish the person we are caring for could validate and acknowledge our contributions but sometimes they just can't because of their illness, personality or upbringing.
The anger and resentment is real. I hope you will consider talking to a social worker and making alternate care arrangements if it is getting to be too much for you. Also consider talking to a family therapist, counsellor or joining a support group. Seek out as many resources as you can.
I recognized too late that anger is a terrible poison and a sign of burnout. I kept struggling along when I needed to make other choices. Hindsight is 20/20. I hope you can find the help you need.
You know how there was a gradual shift in emphasis a few decades back from modelling perfect parents to accepting "good enough" parents? If you're doing your best, and there isn't a clearly better alternative available for your parent's care, you might just have to cut yourself some slack.
If you are afraid that you might cross a line, DO something. You can:
try emergency breathing exercises. Seriously, they help.
come here and rant away. We understand.
pretend your parent is somebody else's mother or father. I would never have spoken to any other elderly lady in the way I sometimes did to my mother. I would have gone ballistic if another person had been so unkind or sarcastic to her. Role-playing helped get me through some stressful moments, and the rest I will keep on repenting.
bring in reinforcements. An aide to help with bathing. Someone to "granny-sit" while you take yourself out for some fresh air, or nap for an hour. Find out what services and support groups are around in your location - there are probably many more than you realise.
And in a real emergency, report yourself. You can always call your Area Agency or APS for advice and support, you know. You're not turning yourself in, you're asking for help.
Or do you mean you are caring for someone who did not care for you in the past, for example a parent who was neglectful or abusive? An abusive spouse? That is generally an unhealthy situation. The best way to handle it is from a distance. Advocate for this person and do your best to see they have adequate care, but do not provide it personally.
When I’m back home I call to see how things are going with them and otherwise I don’t think of my parents at all. They’re safe and healthy. Mom’s in AL and Dad’s at home. For now.