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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Perhaps dh will understand, "Either you get fully dressed every morning or you go to Shady Acres Memory Care Assisted Living where a nice girl will dress you herself every morning."
Help him, if need be, of course, but lay down the law right away. Dementia or no dementia, they DO have the capacity to play by firm rules once they're established. If he's so far gone he cannot, or, if he starts taking his clothes off during the day, you can purchase Alzheimer's Anti Strip Clothing on Amazon.
It may just be time to be doing it for him, as you have your question listed under Alzheimer's & Dementia, so I can only guess that is what he suffering from. His brain is now broken and he may never again be able to figure out how to get dressed, so it's now on you if you're caring for him at home. And it probably will be less stressful for you both for you to just do it, then to get him and you frustrated with him trying and getting it wrong.
You do not give any diagnosis in your profile. Is he dealing with dementia? If so as odd as it sounds getting dressed can be confusing. There are a LOT of steps that you have to go through to get dressed. Would it help if you lay out his clothes the night before. Pile them up in the order he has to put them on. So on the top of the pile would be his underwear and socks. (If he is incontinent remove all cloth underpants and replace them with disposable pull up briefs) Then his pants and shirt. If he wears an undershirt that would go before the shirt. And so on. OR Hand him the clothing that he puts on first. If he has dementia this process can take quite a while so plan for that. Buttons and zippers can be difficult. Gradually transition to pull over shirts and pull up pants. Like the Polar Fleece pants, "Lounge Pants" and "Sweat Pants. BUT with the Sweat Pants do not get the kind that has a cuff at the ankle. They are difficult to get on and off and when you have to start dressing him they are really difficult to get on and off (especially if you have to do so FAST)
Does he have problems understanding zippers and buttons now? Is he capable of knowing that underwear goes on before other things? Does he have arthritis that makes closures difficult for him? Get to the root cause of his reluctance. If he has dementia, he's unlikely to respond to reasoning, ever.
Depending on the situation, you might inquire of his PCP about getting occupational therapy for him. The OTs teach how to put on pants if your left side is paralyzed from a stroke, for instance. (Lie on the bed and pull the pants on, hopefully the kind with the elastic waist. Or lie on the bed and pull up the zipper with the only hand that works.) Shoes - use elastic from the sewing department as shoelaces, or wear shoes, such as canvas loafers, that require no closing.
I hope you find something that works because looking at a naked husband all day is probably more than any of us promised in the marriage vows. That might come under "irreconciliable differences" in a court of law.
I had to laugh at this. My FIL just came home from rehab this week - where of course he had to get dressed (or honestly BE dressed if I'm honest) every single day). I feel like that probably was one of the reasons he was so anxious to get out of there.
The very short story is that we are all "sharegivers" but BIL and SIL are primary and live in his home with him. So SIL texted me and said the INSTANT he got home he was back to what we call his "uniform". She avoids his room - which is the appropriated bonus room so that he has more space - unless she absolutely has to go in there. Because he has no desire to get dressed unless he absolutely has to do so.
So his "uniform" is basically his Depends and a white undershirt. He only puts on clothing (sweats or shorts and a "real shirt") if "company" is coming. Sometimes we qualify as company - sometimes we don't. It just depends on what kind of mood he's in that day. To be clear - he LIVES in this - 24/7. He sleeps in it, he eats meals in it, he sits at his computer desk for hours, watches tv for hours, you name it - if he's at home that's what he's wearing. He does - thank God - change his "uniform" but he will not wear actual clothing. And we have given up.
What constitutes "company" has also changed drastically. When they first moved in, he wouldn't let them see him without pants on. Then he stopped caring about them. For a long time, he wouldn't be caught dead without pants on if I was coming to the house. If I was in the house and be coming upstairs he would yell for someone to bring him pants first. Now I can walk in the room and he doesn't even flinch and doesn't address the fact that he's sitting there in his Depends. My daughters refuse to even go in the room because they know he doesn't have pants on - he tells people is grands don't visit.
It's not because he can't get dressed - it IS more difficult for him but he can do it with assistance.
We have the easiest clothing known to man - elastic waistband shorts or sweat pants. Just pull on like the Depends.
It's not about difficulty getting dressed. He doesn't WANT to be dressed.
And to your point - if my MIL was still alive - she would absolutely have a fit. Scratch that - if she was still alive - he would never do that lol. Because he knows that she would make his life a living hell if he didn't get dressed every day.
Maybe make a routine and tell him nicely but firmly that it is time to get dressed. Can he physically do it himself? He can say no but you can further tell him, I need you to be dressed every morning. Matter-of-factly. Assertive but nice.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Help him, if need be, of course, but lay down the law right away. Dementia or no dementia, they DO have the capacity to play by firm rules once they're established. If he's so far gone he cannot, or, if he starts taking his clothes off during the day, you can purchase Alzheimer's Anti Strip Clothing on Amazon.
Best of luck.
His brain is now broken and he may never again be able to figure out how to get dressed, so it's now on you if you're caring for him at home.
And it probably will be less stressful for you both for you to just do it, then to get him and you frustrated with him trying and getting it wrong.
Is he dealing with dementia?
If so as odd as it sounds getting dressed can be confusing.
There are a LOT of steps that you have to go through to get dressed.
Would it help if you lay out his clothes the night before. Pile them up in the order he has to put them on. So on the top of the pile would be his underwear and socks. (If he is incontinent remove all cloth underpants and replace them with disposable pull up briefs) Then his pants and shirt. If he wears an undershirt that would go before the shirt. And so on.
OR
Hand him the clothing that he puts on first.
If he has dementia this process can take quite a while so plan for that.
Buttons and zippers can be difficult.
Gradually transition to pull over shirts and pull up pants. Like the Polar Fleece pants, "Lounge Pants" and "Sweat Pants. BUT with the Sweat Pants do not get the kind that has a cuff at the ankle. They are difficult to get on and off and when you have to start dressing him they are really difficult to get on and off (especially if you have to do so FAST)
Depending on the situation, you might inquire of his PCP about getting occupational therapy for him. The OTs teach how to put on pants if your left side is paralyzed from a stroke, for instance. (Lie on the bed and pull the pants on, hopefully the kind with the elastic waist. Or lie on the bed and pull up the zipper with the only hand that works.) Shoes - use elastic from the sewing department as shoelaces, or wear shoes, such as canvas loafers, that require no closing.
I hope you find something that works because looking at a naked husband all day is probably more than any of us promised in the marriage vows. That might come under "irreconciliable differences" in a court of law.
The very short story is that we are all "sharegivers" but BIL and SIL are primary and live in his home with him. So SIL texted me and said the INSTANT he got home he was back to what we call his "uniform". She avoids his room - which is the appropriated bonus room so that he has more space - unless she absolutely has to go in there. Because he has no desire to get dressed unless he absolutely has to do so.
So his "uniform" is basically his Depends and a white undershirt. He only puts on clothing (sweats or shorts and a "real shirt") if "company" is coming. Sometimes we qualify as company - sometimes we don't. It just depends on what kind of mood he's in that day. To be clear - he LIVES in this - 24/7. He sleeps in it, he eats meals in it, he sits at his computer desk for hours, watches tv for hours, you name it - if he's at home that's what he's wearing. He does - thank God - change his "uniform" but he will not wear actual clothing. And we have given up.
What constitutes "company" has also changed drastically. When they first moved in, he wouldn't let them see him without pants on. Then he stopped caring about them. For a long time, he wouldn't be caught dead without pants on if I was coming to the house. If I was in the house and be coming upstairs he would yell for someone to bring him pants first. Now I can walk in the room and he doesn't even flinch and doesn't address the fact that he's sitting there in his Depends. My daughters refuse to even go in the room because they know he doesn't have pants on - he tells people is grands don't visit.
It's not because he can't get dressed - it IS more difficult for him but he can do it with assistance.
We have the easiest clothing known to man - elastic waistband shorts or sweat pants. Just pull on like the Depends.
It's not about difficulty getting dressed. He doesn't WANT to be dressed.
And to your point - if my MIL was still alive - she would absolutely have a fit. Scratch that - if she was still alive - he would never do that lol. Because he knows that she would make his life a living hell if he didn't get dressed every day.
Maybe make a routine and tell him nicely but firmly that it is time to get dressed. Can he physically do it himself? He can say no but you can further tell him, I need you to be dressed every morning. Matter-of-factly. Assertive but nice.
Good luck