I just moved my mom out of her AL to a group home with six residents. The move was made because my mom was falling frequently and the AL was not staffed to keep an eye on her at all times. The new group home is 3 minutes from our house, spotlessly clean every time I've been there, and all of the residents appear clean, content and well cared for. The owner and her staff are kind and compassionate and seem to be truly invested in the residents and their well-being. An added benefit is that her cherished little dog can once again live with her. The home was recommended to us by our nextdoor neighbors who had their mother there for several years.
The first couple of days seemed to go well, but the last week and 1/2 has been hellish. My mom started insisting that the staff was abusive, dragging residents around by the hair, fighting with each other and showing her containers of cocaine. She became hyper-vigilant with her tiny lapdog who never leaves her side. She insisted it need to have a leash on literally all the time and acted as if someone was going to steal or hurt the dog. When her sisters were here to visit this weekend she refused to go home, became belligerent and was calling anyone and everyone horrible names etc. Ultimately we had to call EMS and she was removed from our house in restraints. She told the EMS crew that we had her living in a crackhouse. It was unbelievably awful. Thankfully the EMS guys were fantastic. Compassionate, gentle and patient. The hospital did a full medical work-up and pysch eval and determined that it was dementia related and nothing else. They did prescribe seroquel, but so far she has only had one dose and is refusing to take any more. Tonight she escaped the house when the overnight caretaker thought she was asleep in bed. This is the first time she has done something like this ever, and the operator of the home indicated they will have eyes on her all the time now.
This is a long story to get to my question. My mom has never been happy anywhere she has lived, including in her own home. She simply doesn't want to be old, and is in denial about her dementia diagnosis, but these wild and detailed stories are a new development. I really feel like they are delusions or hallucinations, but can something like that carry on for days and weeks at a time and take on a life of its own? She has created a whole story line around the abuses at this group home, but I can find no evidence that they are true. The staff would need to be doing a phenomenal acting job if it's really as Jekyll and Hyde as my mom portrays. However, it's hard to not worry that there is some truth to any of it. Anyone with similar experiences out there who can provide some advice?
This is part of what I have learnt. Long term psychosis causes permanent brain damage, the long the psychotic state the greater the damage. My son has been hospitalized for 2 full weeks and is no closer to reality than when he got there, even under the care of a psychiatrist and on medication.
I know this is not what you want to hear. But coupled with the damage that leads to dementia, until your Mum is on the right medication, she may remain in psychosis.
You say she is generally not a happy person, but perhaps it is also time for her to stay in her new home and not be brought out for visits, or she may have to move into a secure unit where unfortunately she will not be allowed her dog.
We are dealing with a dog too.
It is heart breaking, it is exhausting, it is scary. My heart goes out to you. Make sure you take care of yourself. I had to have a tooth pulled yesterday, I had been clenching my jaw and grinding my teeth so much at night that I cracked it right down the middle.
When my dad -- her rock -- was diagnosed with inoperable cancer, she started talking about her first high school boyfriend, a guy she'd never mentioned before. I had to move her to a nursing home a few days after my dad's funeral, and suddenly the old boyfriend was "visiting." Four months after my dad's death he was completely forgotten, and Mom and the boyfriend were "married." This has been going on for 2 1/2 years now, and she carries on both sides of conversations with Dan the Invisible Man. (In reality, the last time she saw this guy was in 1944, and he's been dead since 2009.)
Fortunately, my mom isn't hysterical or psychotic as it sounds like you're dealing with, but her fears and disorientation at moving seem to have morphed into living at a crack house. I'm so sorry.
I would suggest not bringing her home for visits and having her stay at the home so she can become more acclimated to her new surroundings. Visit her there, and if she wants to go home, tell her repeatedly that she is home.
I am assuming a UTI is ruled out as urinary tract infections can have profound affects on mentation, esp something to consider if this is a sudden change.
This is simply not true. I have come in when she is at meal time. I have been sent other pictures of her eating at meal times.
She is in a beautiful setting, with caring people. I trust them.
Sigh. It's all so hard.
I agree it may be time not to take mom away from her new home. My father used to assist at church services at the nursing home grandma (his MIL) lived in, There was one time Mom and I visited her later that Sunday and she was all upset and rather angry - I HAD NEVER, EVER, seen this woman upset and angry (and I was an adult when this occurred). When we asked what was wrong she said dad asked if he could take her to dinner after church and wheeled her to the dining room and parked her at her seat and told her he'd see her next week. Well either she thought he was staying and eating with her or taking her out for a meal - she actually called dad a "worm" . While mom and I were sorry for her distress - and we were, but even now it makes me laugh to the point of tears - this sweet woman who never called people names. Of course when Dad heard about it he felt horrible. (I haven't thought of this story for literally decades - who knows what brought it up now.)
I also seem to remember that the nursing home had a rash of pregnancies of several elderly women - it was like a group delusion.
There was another time dad brought grandma home on after services for dinner - she was very agitated about being away from the nursing home. Nothing calmed her and dad had to load her back into the care and take her back to the facility. It was the last time she was ever taken off the grounds.
ICU stays were a problematic area for her during the nightime hours to the point that either my mom, my aunt or my dad would spend the night in the ICU waiting room - much to the amusement of the ICU staff (after all who can't handle a sweet little old woman) - until Grandma went off the rails and one of the nurses would go an retrieve whoever was there - they were the only ones who could calm her down to the point she went back to sleep. Once out of ICU she was fine.
I don't know if the above stories have any real point, but for some reason your troubles and maybe someone else's post brought up these memories.
I believe routine at this point is going to be an important factor in your mother's care and that is no guarantee against delusions and/or hallucinations.
I hope your mom's Docs can find a cocktail of drugs that help calm her down. Maybe there is an as yet undetected infection swimming through your mom's body. I'm so sorry she hasn't been happy living anywhere and the denial of aging - I believe fear also has a bearing on how those in the throes of dementia behave.
My prayers are with your mom, you and your family.
Sometimes psych meds take some time to tweak and geriatric psychiatry teams are the best folks to do that.
It is her reality so it seems like it must be true. She must work with her meds to regain some peace in her life. Thankfully she is where she will be monitored and has you to help her see the right doctors.
I am sorry for the situation with your mom. It must be so hard to have to piece everything together from the outside looking in.
The staff at her home is very responsive to her needs and concerns and to me, and we keep reassuring her and redirecting her to more positive thoughts. I do explain that her condition is affecting her health and outlook, and sometimes that helps.
My Mom isn't happy, even though her Memory Care unit is lovely and the best in the area. But she's always been critical of everyone and everything, even when she was well.
I've been told that "safe trumps happy," here at Agingcare.com and it is sad but so true. I wish everyone who faces this with their loved ones the best. It takes a long time to accept what's happening and to make the best of the situation.
We have spent the last year trying to chase every lead, find answers to all the things going on with my mom. She’s fallen again and now I understand simply she can not be in AL, though she insists. I’m still getting her permission like a dope for every decision.. Then in a care meeting for new place they mention she’s bipolar and her mental illness? Meds not being taken for it, been diagnosed several years? What? Later I found medication in a zip lock she wasn’t taking but “saving for when she needed it”!
I do not envy anyone on this site except the ones past this nightmare. Truly you start to doubt your own sanity.
I wanted to bring it to your attention I posted a response to your concerns.
it is listed as Aunt Angie. Hope it helps
Again I know this may not be your moms issue but it is worth $20.00 to try it. I am going to look up the website for the tea and post it in a minute.
I pray this is helpful for you and your mom. It was an answer to my prayer!
If this isn’t helpful, I pray that someone would near you would be able to help with a permanent solution.
Blessings!
there is a website you can purchase just the tea or a whole cleanse. I tried the whole cleanse and found the tea worked fine on its own.
No place is perfect, clean yes, but no one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
The only way you can get a glimpse is to have a camera installed in her room if she has a private room and watch and see for yourself.
Also, make sure you have her checked out for a UTI Urinary Tract Infections which can cause Big Time and cussing and name calling.
When my Dad gets a UTI, he starts with non stop talking, eating less, then starts hallucinations then Hellish Hallucinations with seeing all kinds of people in the room and then thinking everyone is trying to kill him and won't eat or drink saying we're just trying to trick him and Poison him.
Went through this more than once and it was very scary.
Once his Non Stop talking starts, I'll have his Urine checked for an Infection " UTI " and the Dr starts him on Antibiotics and within 3 days you can tell he's getting back to being his normal.
He takes the Antibiotics for 3-7 days depending on the Antibiotic and the Infection he has.
Deventually is sad for all.
Prayers
The wild stories to my dad are real and there is no dissuading him; I learned just to go along as to avoid stress on both of us. I explained this to the family members who calls or visits him and now we just enjoy the ride. :-)
However, my best tool was the use of my Echo Show which offers video calls, including “Drop in” which allows you and others (with permissions set up) to connect via phone and see and, if desired, talk to the person at the other end. Our whole family (all of whom live far away except for me) would video call my dad and be able to see him and he see them. It was a wonderful way for the family to communicate with him.
The other way I used this, however, and as his condition and awareness deteriorated, was to just “drop in” without showing video of myself and be able to observe my dad and interactions with the staff. This did allow me, on several occasions, to notice things that needed to be attended to and call the front desk to have the staff send someone to my dad’s room.
I should add that I had checked into the rule at most facilities that requires signage that there is a video camera in use in a resident’s room, but determined that this device does not meet that criterion because its purpose is for video calls, and there is a tone that sounds when the call first connects. (However, when I didn’t share video of myself, the screen on the device in my dad’s room would remain dark, as though not in use, and I would often just keep it on for a couple of hours to observe his status and care.)
Good luck! Especially with her having wandered away from the facility once, you’re lucky that they have not required you to provide her with an overnight (or 24 hour) sitter.
it seems to me that it must be a very common condition but I'd never heard about it before and have thought it might be good to share it with other people who might not have either.
best wishes to you.
Having said that , he had a different mental problem --seemingly unrelated to depression--that went away when he took an anti-depressant.
So, meds, right?
(yes, yea, u can't see it, but we can😊)
She slipped into a coma several times from taking her insulin when she got up but did not eat breakfast. During that time she kept having the same delusion/hallucination that there were people living upstairs (she lives in a 1 story mobile home). These people would demand that she fix them meals, but then would leave without eating them. This lasted for most of a summer.
Finally we managed to get a doctor to listen to us. We ended up with Mom taking no insulin at all, but with a much more carefully monitored and restricted diet. Or at least as much as we can manage without being there. We finally got a new doctor who reviewed all her medications and reduced some of them and removed others. Her original doctor had insisted that all the medications had proven good when originally prescribed and would not consider that Mom's changing lifestyle required changes. It took several months to get her used to her altered meds and schedules, but she has not had the delusions/hallucinations since her medications were reduced. That was in 2018 and she has done much better since then. That summer, though, was really horrible. I would not want to do that again, nor would I wish it on anyone else. I hope you can manage to get some medical guidance to ease your mother's distress.
In Mom's case the delusions were obviously delusions. Perhaps you could get a granny cam to put in your mom's room that would be pointed at the door and the area near her bed and chair? You could be assured that you could monitor activity concerning her but still leave her some privacy. This may help with your mental health while you get more information on your mother's health and mental issues.