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Hoarding as I'm sure you are already aware, is a mental disorder, that cannot be fixed overnight. It can take years with lots of therapy for someone to get better. I don't know how old your mother is, but if she's quite elderly, she probably isn't interested in getting help, as most hoarders won't even admit they have an problem. And I'm sure having dementia on top of it, doesn't help matters either. Do you live with her, or is it just the aides that are coming in and out of her hoarded home? You may just have to make sure she has a clear path to either door, so she can get out in case of an emergency. Or if it's real bad, you can always report her to APS, and tell them you afraid she's in real danger. Her short temper issues may be related to her dementia, or the fact that you're wanting her to get rid of her stuff. You can always discuss both issues with her Dr's and see what they might recommend. Best wishes.
Now I do live with her, she's 74 I'm 52. She's always wanted what she wanted but lately it's really getting out of hand. The house is filling up she wont throw anything out and 2 refrigerators is not enough, buys from Amazon every week and now is determined to buy a dog (The last one is nolonger around because she didn't think it's issues were important. At times I really want to call DHS to come look around and start asking questions (regularly) but know if I did she would explode immediately. Its very detrimental and Id like to casually handle this without doing that.
This can be part of dementia. Mil became a hoarder in reaction to Alz. I’d either call APS to do a home visit or insist the doctor puts her on an anti anxiety medication. That should help with both issues.
Call APS? sorry the lingo is new to me. This situation isn't new at all (A number of years) but now that its reached this level, I am starting to look around to better make my decisions.
Report your mother's non-compliance with her prescription to her doctor. Let him have the necessary discussions with her, and provide the explanations to her that she will accept. It's his job.
Regarding her continuing shopping habit, sigh. Other than frustration, what practical problems is this creating? Do you absolutely have to do something about it now? In due course, as her dementia progresses to the point where she is no longer legally competent to form a contract, steps will be open to you (or whoever becomes her authorized representative) to remove her access to retailers; but if she's not there yet and it's a source of conflict and there aren't other related issues (such as severe restrictions to free movement around her living environment), let it go.
I'm glad that the caregivers are "not allowed to anger her" because not only is this a basic principle of good practice but it is also useless and counterproductive. I hope you don't mean that they are actively or passively *encouraging* purchases? And I especially hope you don't suspect they are recipients of gifts?
She has *Gifted certain ones. That's entirely against the Care Company Policy but she does insist "It's her decision". I let her know That's not right and it has the potential to end her contract with that company.
MikeCobalt, my mother was 96 and a severe hoarder!! She was mentally competent so there was nothing I could do about it and she lived alone.
I told doctors, the hospital, APS, social workers, elder lawyers about her hoarding situation. They said as long as she was competent and had a path to get around there was nothing anyone could do about it.
The fact your mother has dementia is a different story. Tell everyone and anyone who will listen to you!! call APS and tell them you are moving out and she is a vulnerable adult living alone in her hoarded house and that she is incompetent and has dementia. APS has to intervene if she is incompetent!! My mother lived to be 96. You don’t want to live with your mother in her hoarded house for 20 MORE years!! It only gets worse.
What is Mother's diagnosis? Has the dementia been confirmed as Alzheimer's or a different type of dementia? And how long ago?
Sorry for all the questions.. just trying to get a better picture.
Memory problems can input shopping & storing items (don't remember you already have item or where to store it).
Lack of judgement can cause big problems with spending inappropriately or by being easily defrauded.
As dementia worsens the caregivers will need to arrange care to ensure safety. This will include being financially safe.
At some stage a financial POA needs to be activated & Mother gets only a little spending money. This may be cash or a small amount in a card (whatever works best) but would not include credit or online shopping once judgement is lost.
Do you feel this stage is reached yet? Or maybe the less restrictive measure of supervised shopping?
"She has *Gifted certain ones. That's entirely against the Care Company Policy but she does insist "It's her decision". I let her know That's not right and it has the potential to end her contract with that company."
Woah! It has the potential to end some promising careers in social care, too, assuming that she gives these things to the caregivers she thinks well of!
It is not her decision. Or rather, it might be her decision to give things to people; but it is their decision whether or not to accept a gift and they really have no choice about it - that's a no.
Ticklish diplomatic mission for you, though. If you have a copy of the contract, take a copy of that, highlight the relevant section, and display it where the caregivers will see it. The idea is not for you to threaten them (it's not your place to do that, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to anyway) but simply to remind them that accepting gifts from clients is a serious disciplinary matter - it doesn't have to be you who reports them, but sure as they're born word will get back and they could (should, in my opinion) get fired. All it takes is for one disgruntled caregiver to report the others.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Her short temper issues may be related to her dementia, or the fact that you're wanting her to get rid of her stuff. You can always discuss both issues with her Dr's and see what they might recommend. Best wishes.
Regarding her continuing shopping habit, sigh. Other than frustration, what practical problems is this creating? Do you absolutely have to do something about it now? In due course, as her dementia progresses to the point where she is no longer legally competent to form a contract, steps will be open to you (or whoever becomes her authorized representative) to remove her access to retailers; but if she's not there yet and it's a source of conflict and there aren't other related issues (such as severe restrictions to free movement around her living environment), let it go.
I'm glad that the caregivers are "not allowed to anger her" because not only is this a basic principle of good practice but it is also useless and counterproductive. I hope you don't mean that they are actively or passively *encouraging* purchases? And I especially hope you don't suspect they are recipients of gifts?
I told doctors, the hospital, APS, social workers, elder lawyers about her hoarding situation. They said as long as she was competent and had a path to get around there was nothing anyone could do about it.
The fact your mother has dementia is a different story. Tell everyone and anyone who will listen to you!! call APS and tell them you are moving out and she is a vulnerable adult living alone in her hoarded house and that she is incompetent and has dementia. APS has to intervene if she is incompetent!! My mother lived to be 96. You don’t want to live with your mother in her hoarded house for 20 MORE years!! It only gets worse.
Sorry for all the questions.. just trying to get a better picture.
Memory problems can input shopping & storing items (don't remember you already have item or where to store it).
Lack of judgement can cause big problems with spending inappropriately or by being easily defrauded.
As dementia worsens the caregivers will need to arrange care to ensure safety. This will include being financially safe.
At some stage a financial POA needs to be activated & Mother gets only a little spending money. This may be cash or a small amount in a card (whatever works best) but would not include credit or online shopping once judgement is lost.
Do you feel this stage is reached yet? Or maybe the less restrictive measure of supervised shopping?
Woah! It has the potential to end some promising careers in social care, too, assuming that she gives these things to the caregivers she thinks well of!
It is not her decision. Or rather, it might be her decision to give things to people; but it is their decision whether or not to accept a gift and they really have no choice about it - that's a no.
Ticklish diplomatic mission for you, though. If you have a copy of the contract, take a copy of that, highlight the relevant section, and display it where the caregivers will see it. The idea is not for you to threaten them (it's not your place to do that, and I'm sure you wouldn't want to anyway) but simply to remind them that accepting gifts from clients is a serious disciplinary matter - it doesn't have to be you who reports them, but sure as they're born word will get back and they could (should, in my opinion) get fired. All it takes is for one disgruntled caregiver to report the others.