I am Power of Attorney for my 94-year old aunt. She lives in an assisted living facility and has been there since she had a brain tumor removed when she was 91 years old. She is widowed and has one child, a son who lives two time zones away.
When she had her operation she was living independently and her son drove in to be with her. He got her admitted to a very nice assisted living facility and was taking care of all of her affairs. However, several months after her operation, she began accusing him of stealing money from her. He was very hurt by these accusations and basically told her that she could handle her affairs and not to ever bother him again. While she was mostly competent, she needed someone to help with her financial affairs. I agreed to become her power of attorney, and while her son is OK with me doing it, he has blocked me from all means of contacting him. I don’t believe he is upset with me, I believe he just wants to be done with her and just wants her out of his life.
She has developed dementia and is in hospice, and it looks like she may not live more than a few more weeks or months. Her will names her son as executor and leaves all of her possessions to him. She has no property but she will likely leave behind tens of thousands of dollars in investments and bank accounts. Since he won’t answer my calls, texts, or attempts to contact him on social media (or through mutual friends/relatives) I don’t know how to get in touch with him to let him know about the condition of his mother. He will need to be contacted when she eventually passes but I don’t know how to do that if he won’t acknowledge my attempts to contact him. I’m thinking of sending him a registered letter, but if he decides not to accept it, I really don’t know how to contact him. Anyone have a similar situation with ideas on how to get him to acknowledge my attempts to contact him about his mom?
Do you have a mutual friend, family member that would be shown to get through to him? Police may pay him a visit at your request to let him known what is going on.
If that's not possible because you want the signature card returned to prove he received it, then just send him the registered letter. Chances are he'd read it because he's not obligated to respond immediately like he would with social media or a phone call.
Regarding the imminent passing, did the initial accusation create tensions whereby mother wanted nothing more to do with son? Remember, your role is to reflect her wishes, not make moral decisions. Son has made his position clear, sadly, but if mother showed any signs of remorse then you should endeavour to contact even if it means delivering the news in person (costs incurred through estate if all other avenues mentioned have failed).
I am not planning to fly two-thirds of the way across the country to talk with him. If he can't respond to whatever means we have used/will use to contact him, I am comfortable with letting happen whatever happens. I'm just trying to see if someone can come up with a way to contact him that I have not thought of.
Call the phone number you have and leave a message that she has died and that he is the Executor named in her will.
You will text to the same number.
You will send a letter to the last known address; if it is not returned you will assume he has said letter.
You will contact anyone you know who may be in contact telling them simply that his mother has died. That he is named executor of her estate. That he can contact you for the will and then can go on with his duties.
Your own duties are done at that point. You will have done what you are able to do. You might, if you are still worried, ask an Elder Law Attorney for an hour of phone time to see if there is something else that you need to do.
But as POA you are DONE. There is absolutely nothing you have to do after that.
Wishing you the best.
I think that I will contact an elder law attorney, as much for my peace of mind as anything. I think it is a crap shoot as to whether or not her son wants anything from her estate, or is willing to act as Executor. My aunt's next of kin after her son is her sister, my mom. So I am thinking that if he declines to act as executor or doesn't want any of her estate, my 95 year old mother will likely inherit the money. I am not her power of attorney and she lives alone, but she relies on me alot and she really is not going to know what to do with the estate.
1. When she does pass and your authority ends, there will be no one to handle Probate unless and/or until her son takes action. So it's a good idea to find a way to contact him now.
2. Given the assets, I would think that any Personal Representative (f/k/a Executor/Executrix) would benefit from having any attorney involved. You might contact one now just to handle the attempted contact, i.e., newspaper publication, but do explain that you have no authority to retain the attorney for probate management as you're not the PR.
3. If you have a copy of the Will, is it done on will paper, i.e., with the firm's name as a vertical border on the left side? If so, I'd contact that firm, including the attorney who probably witnessed the Will.
4. I haven't done this in decades, but I do recall that in my state people who couldn't be located could be notified by publication of a notice in a legal newspaper; I believe the publication ran for several weeks.
I (can't get a typical http citation, but try this:
"Pennsylvania, legal publication notice through newspaper at DuckDuckGo"
It addresses legal notices through publication; I didn't check the statute to see if it addresses other issues, but an attorney could research it to determine if it does.
(I'm assuming that your aunt is in PA as well?) An attorney could also determine whether or not this, or another court rule, could be applied to locate the son now, in anticipation of the need to probate shortly.
Some good law firms might take an assignment like this and have a paralegal handle the issue (at a much lower rate than an attorney would charge.)
5. Better to let an attorney contact him on your behalf since he won't respond to you.
6. I would, however, document the attempts you've made so that you're protected in the event that the son can't be contacted or refuses to respond.
I also like Glad's idea of having law enforcement contact him; notifying someone that his mother is close to death would I think be considered to be helpful, just as the wellness checks are.
If the attorneys can't locate him or he doesn't open the letter, then I would stop banging your head against this brick wall. When the estate goes into probate, just make sure your mom or you are there to make a claim on it. If the mother passes, and the son remains uncontactable, but changes his mind at some future time, then you'll need a very clear legal paper trail that every effort was made to contact him.
Are you sure he is alive?