We are able to have outside visit with my mom now. Hurray. Visits go either way. Either she’s angry. Wants her hair done wants to get out. Doesn’t believe me. Says I’m scared to go inside. That i never come to see her. If i try to say i was just there she yells. Says I’m lying. So i just agree with her Can’t get her off topic no matter what I try. Gets agitated so I leave. Other visits go great. No rhyme or reason.
My mother has mild dementia but is good at hiding it if you're around her for a short time. More than an hour and she falls apart.
She's not in a NH, but lives with YB, who has kept her 100% isolated from the world. She only gets out once a week and that is to the grocery store where she sits in the car with a mask on while YB does her small shopping.
I don't think she can wrap her brain around the COVID thing at all. She was pretty much isolated anyway. Likely your mom is the same--you can tell them something and it does NOT stick in their brains at all.
You can't 'fight' with her. I'd just take each visit as it is. None of us can change this rotten dynamic, we all just have to roll with it.
In your case, just take each visit as it is. With dementia, you don't know to whom you are talking--and it's not personal. Don't take it as such. She still needs to know you care, and that you remain a part of her life.
Sadly, I don't see NH's changing their lockdown policies for a long time--up to a year. Until there is a vaccine, and so we all have to deal with that.
She is speaking from her damaged brain “truth” so there’s not much reason to try to convince her that she’s wrong, no matter what she responds.
Are you comfortable with comments that may defer her? “The hairdresser isn’t here today” “It’s so nice I’d rather sit here in the sunshine” “They’re waxing the floor, should be done in a few minutes”.
Nothing wrong with leaving if she escalates, but might she benefit from a small dose of an anti-anxiety medication? Ask her medical staff.
Overall, people with dementia benefit from a calm, structured environment, and I’m not at all sure that any facility is able to really provide that, given prevailing conditions.
Keep up the visits though, whether she’s naughty or nice, because she needs them. I haven’t seen my LO since the middle of March. Just be good to yourself every time you go.