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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Do I need to have her sign a notarized letter stating she will assume caring for him? He has become more verbally aggressive and showing physical aggression with me, his wife.
At least his sister is putting her money where her mouth is. She isn't just saying don't put him in SNF she is also offering to be the caregiver. She may not fully understand what she'd be getting into, but her intentions sound good.
Has she been particularly close to your husband over the years? Do you think he would enjoy living in her home? Or do you foresee conflict when the novelty wears off?
In any case, the poor man hasn't been in skilled care even a week. He hasn't settled in yet. I'm sure you did not make the decision to place him there lightly. Give it a chance to work. Postpone the decision about his sister's care for three months. If it still seems like a viable option then, you and she can discuss it with his medical providers.
Meanwhile, thank his sister profusely, encourage her to visit the NH as often as she possibly can, and wait and see what the next few months bring.
Your husband's sister is probably near his age. I don't know how old that she is, but I'm sure that she'll encounter heavy work caring for your husband as his dementia progresses. He'd probably end up back at the nursing home when his care got too much for her. Why not leave him where he is and not confuse him any further?
Also, if he's violent with you he'll probably be aggressive with her also. Why would she want to deal with that?
Tell her to read up on dementia with aggression. The medical personnel need to find the best combination of meds for your husband's agitation. That can take some time. She would have no way to defend herself and could wind up getting hurt.
You could tell her that you can't take that chance that he would hurt her so you're going to leave him where he is.
She has no idea what is involved in having to do everything for a person let alone a man. If he shows violent tendencies to you, he probably will to her. Leave him where he is.
No one WANTS their loved one in a nursing home. So many caregivers find themselves taking on more than they can handle because of some promise made years ago that “we will never place you in a nursing home”.
You can never predict circumstances and we all dream that death for our loved one will come in the middle of the night in a peaceful sleep that they never wake from.
Reality is that circumstances change, health deteriorates in ways we did not foresee, dementia is a cruel disease and one that is different for each patient.
It boils down to your husband’s sister not realizing what a job she is asking to undertake. It’s not just the physical day-to-day obligations, but the mental stress as well.
My mother moved in with me in 3 months ago. She has dementia along with paranoid tendencies and lots of phobias. She is 85 and can get around with a walker and is certainly better off than a lot of seniors I have seen. I didn’t ask for this, but I’m stuck with it because she had no where else to go after being released from rehab. Brothers are useless.
I struggle every day even though I feel I’m luckier than most.
I would stand my ground as your husband’s spouse to keep your husband in the facility he is staying. His sister has no idea what she is asking to take on!
sandy74, if hubby's sister still insist that she can care for her brother at home, I would suggest she spend 72 hours at the nursing home watching everything that needs to be done for her brother. She might not know how complex this can be. It may be enough of an eye opener for her to change her mind.
In the mean time, you over-rule his sister. It is your decision what is best for your husband. My vote would be to keep hubby in the skilled nursing facility. It's called "skilled" for a reason.
I agree that he should be in a nursing home. If his sister were to bring him to live with her little by little you would be sucked back into care giving duties (unless she's out of town).
Aggression isn't uncommon in people with dementia and while I'm sure his sister's heart is in the right place it would only harm your husband to leave the nursing home to go and live with her and in 6 months she decides that she can't handle it anymore and puts him back in the nursing home.
Leave him where he is to get the care and assistance he deserves. He isn't going to improve. Is she prepared to take charge of his expenses. Does she have a home that is equipped to meet his needs? There are many questions that you need to consider before you remove him from the nursing home. Is your husband well enough to participate in making decisions regarding your care. You are his wife and the decision should be yours and his if he is able to do so.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Has she been particularly close to your husband over the years? Do you think he would enjoy living in her home? Or do you foresee conflict when the novelty wears off?
In any case, the poor man hasn't been in skilled care even a week. He hasn't settled in yet. I'm sure you did not make the decision to place him there lightly. Give it a chance to work. Postpone the decision about his sister's care for three months. If it still seems like a viable option then, you and she can discuss it with his medical providers.
Meanwhile, thank his sister profusely, encourage her to visit the NH as often as she possibly can, and wait and see what the next few months bring.
Your husband's sister is probably near his age. I don't know how old that she is, but I'm sure that she'll encounter heavy work caring for your husband as his dementia progresses. He'd probably end up back at the nursing home when his care got too much for her. Why not leave him where he is and not confuse him any further?
Also, if he's violent with you he'll probably be aggressive with her also. Why would she want to deal with that?
Tell her to read up on dementia with aggression. The medical personnel need to find the best combination of meds for your husband's agitation. That can take some time. She would have no way to defend herself and could wind up getting hurt.
You could tell her that you can't take that chance that he would hurt her so you're going to leave him where he is.
You can never predict circumstances and we all dream that death for our loved one will come in the middle of the night in a peaceful sleep that they never wake from.
Reality is that circumstances change, health deteriorates in ways we did not foresee, dementia is a cruel disease and one that is different for each patient.
It boils down to your husband’s sister not realizing what a job she is asking to undertake. It’s not just the physical day-to-day obligations, but the mental stress as well.
My mother moved in with me in 3 months ago. She has dementia along with paranoid tendencies and lots of phobias. She is 85 and can get around with a walker and is certainly better off than a lot of seniors I have seen. I didn’t ask for this, but I’m stuck with it because she had no where else to go after being released from rehab. Brothers are useless.
I struggle every day even though I feel I’m luckier than most.
I would stand my ground as your husband’s spouse to keep your husband in the facility he is staying. His sister has no idea what she is asking to take on!
In the mean time, you over-rule his sister. It is your decision what is best for your husband. My vote would be to keep hubby in the skilled nursing facility. It's called "skilled" for a reason.
Aggression isn't uncommon in people with dementia and while I'm sure his sister's heart is in the right place it would only harm your husband to leave the nursing home to go and live with her and in 6 months she decides that she can't handle it anymore and puts him back in the nursing home.
Leave your husband where he is.