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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Sorry for your loss, Jaxzee. Unless they have walked the path no one knows the lonely, all-encompassing duties of the caregiver. May you find peace somehow. I don't have advice, only sending a hug.
From your profile you did a lot. Not only are you feeling the loss of your mom but there is the loss of you as a caregiver, the loss of you as a daughter. Now what do you do with the time you have that you used to care for mom? (I have to tell you that when I was caring for my Husband I often was awakened by him at 3 am and I would get up and change him...It took me months before I could sleep through the night.) Was mom on Hospice? If so they will offer Bereavement Support take advantage of that. Reach out to them if you need to. If you belong to a Church or other organized religion reach out to them as well many have support groups. When you can look for something to fill your days. Work, volunteer something that will give you meaning.
In your profile you were living with mom while caring for her.
Are you going to have to move? If so is this something you HAVE to do, or a want to do? If you don't "have" to move do not make any major life changing decisions for a while, let yourself settle in your new role.
your comments are so true. My mom died one year ago. We had a complicated relationship all our lives which complicates my grieving. I came here on agingcare today to search for answers to some of my self-questions. I appreciate your comments.
I’m sorry for your loss. You’ve been through a long and hard journey of caregiving and what you’re experiencing now is perfectly normal. Consider attending a GriefShare group, there are many and don’t cost, very helpful to a lot of people. As you emerge from this phase it will become time to consider what you want from the next stage of life and consider new possibilities. We all need hope and something to look forward to, allow yourself to begin thinking on this. For myself, I did a lot of volunteer work and then went back to work part time in a field completely different from anything I’d done before. I wish you comfort and peace
It’s very difficult to approach a complete stranger and say ‘I’m lonely, I need to make new friends’, particularly if it leads to a long depressing conversation about why.
It’s better to work alongside other people - in a paid or volunteer job – and get to know them a bit before building towards a friendship. Take in some home made cookies, or suggest getting together for a coffee during a break. Then talk about your coffee preferences or your cooking triumphs, not your problems.
I think that what you are experiencing is quite normal in the world of caregiving, some lose touch with themselves, caretaking when it becomes ones life, ones identity, they lose their momentum, their friends all in the process of caring for another.
Allow yourself time to grieve, think about who you were before, what you enjoyed doing and make a plan to get back with the living. How about finding a church to attend? Start mingling with others, put yourself out there.
This will take time, just as it took time to move into the hole of darkness you currently live in.
One of the things I personally have noticed with people who have cared for another in a home environment is that they cannot stop talking about their issues with that person, over and over again, it makes it difficult to move forward if you are all consumed with another, living or dead.
If you feel unable to move forward perhaps therapy would be in order to get you jump started. Good Luck!
Not unusual and a part of the grieving process. We become so very entrenched in it being ALL about the caregiving that it is very difficult and we are at loose ends. Think about those times when our kids leave our nests empty. It is an adjustment, for certain. You are moving into a new phase in your life. Will take you time to even remember what you used to like doing, let alone starting to do it. Give yourself some time. If you find yourself eventually needing someone to talk to about your fears or worries about moving on consider a few sessions with a Licensed Social Worker in private counseling practice. They are the best at life transitions work. I am sorry for your loss. I had a friend who reacted almost exactly as you are and it took a bit of time. Be gentle with yourself. Step slowly out. I am very sorry for your loss.
Listen to Alva. She’s right. Feeling lost afterwards is common. I felt like the days were so long . I had to remember what my days were like before caring for parents . I had to remember how to take care of myself , and remember what I used to like to do etc . Reconnect with friends. It was hard to get started . I felt like I had to learn how to live all over again. I went on a vacation. I even changed jobs. It is an adjustment to a different type of “empty nest” . I had to find the reset button and push it everyday to get a smidge closer to a new routine . Keep coming back to this forum . These are great people. I am fairly new . Joined looking for support as I am back in the caregiver seat again with in law . One day at a time. You will find what works for you . It’s different for everyone It will get better . Sorry for your loss.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Try going to Church, a small one. They usually have womens groups, dinners where u can help. Even grief support.
Libraries usually have things going on. Ours has bus trips. The one I went on, seemed to be regulars that got to know each other.
Maybe a little part-time job. A friend of mine files and does odd jobs for a doctors office. Volunteering.
Check out your Senior Center and see whats going on there.
Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.
Not only are you feeling the loss of your mom but there is the loss of you as a caregiver, the loss of you as a daughter.
Now what do you do with the time you have that you used to care for mom?
(I have to tell you that when I was caring for my Husband I often was awakened by him at 3 am and I would get up and change him...It took me months before I could sleep through the night.)
Was mom on Hospice? If so they will offer Bereavement Support take advantage of that. Reach out to them if you need to.
If you belong to a Church or other organized religion reach out to them as well many have support groups.
When you can look for something to fill your days.
Work, volunteer something that will give you meaning.
In your profile you were living with mom while caring for her.
Are you going to have to move? If so is this something you HAVE to do, or a want to do? If you don't "have" to move do not make any major life changing decisions for a while, let yourself settle in your new role.
May The Lord give you grieving mercies, peace, strength and comfort for this new season in your life.
I just lost my mom and I don't think anyone can imagine the struggles of losing your mom, until you have lost your mom.
I think it is the most complicated relationship a female will ever have and it takes time to process all the emotions tied to this human called mom.
Great big warm hug! You will get through this difficult time. Be kind to yourself and spoil yourself a bit right now.
It’s better to work alongside other people - in a paid or volunteer job – and get to know them a bit before building towards a friendship. Take in some home made cookies, or suggest getting together for a coffee during a break. Then talk about your coffee preferences or your cooking triumphs, not your problems.
Allow yourself time to grieve, think about who you were before, what you enjoyed doing and make a plan to get back with the living. How about finding a church to attend? Start mingling with others, put yourself out there.
This will take time, just as it took time to move into the hole of darkness you currently live in.
One of the things I personally have noticed with people who have cared for another in a home environment is that they cannot stop talking about their issues with that person, over and over again, it makes it difficult to move forward if you are all consumed with another, living or dead.
If you feel unable to move forward perhaps therapy would be in order to get you jump started. Good Luck!
She’s right. Feeling lost afterwards is common. I felt like the days were so long . I had to remember what my days were like before caring for parents . I had to remember how to take care of myself , and remember what I used to like to do etc . Reconnect with friends. It was hard to get started . I felt like I had to learn how to live all over again. I went on a vacation. I even changed jobs. It is an adjustment to a different type of “empty nest” . I had to find the reset button and push it everyday to get a smidge closer to a new routine .
Keep coming back to this forum . These are great people. I am fairly new . Joined looking for support as I am back in the caregiver seat again with in law .
One day at a time. You will find what works for you . It’s different for everyone It will get better .
Sorry for your loss.