I am trapped dealing with my abusive mother who has type 1 diabetes and either a personality disorder, schizophrenia, or a paranoid disorder.
I have tried literally everything I can think of, getting the police involved, setting boundaries, grey rocking, being extremely friendly, fighting back myself, and even ignoring her. Nothing so far has worked. She traps me in my own home (I live on my own) with cameras and a Life360 tracker.
I have tried reaching out to APS and many other places, and no one is willing to help. My dad enables the behavior, so does mostly everyone in my community that I know. I am the only one who knows the truth.
I am currently working as a claims examiner, but regretfully, I was informed the job could not be permanent, so as a result, I will be getting very little income once that job expires. I have no help, no one, very few friends, and absolutely no support.
I am just trapped. I am at a complete loss.
Tell her that she will need a checkup to stay on Medicare. Take her to the er. Leave her there.
I don't even know if she is on Medicare. If I tried to take her to an ER, I would be physically attacked.
My dad was an idiot because he married a psycho. He is divorced from her now, but he messed up my life as well indirectly because he chose to have kids with a psychotic woman.
If you are in immediate danger, call emergency services.
You say that your Mother has you "trapped in my own home".
I would like you to explain that last statement more completely.
Did you take your Mother into your own home?
Does your father ALSO live in your home?
When did you move her/them into your home? And why did you do so?
If you have moved your Mother into your own home and she gets mail there, that is is officially living in this home, then it will be enormously difficult to remove her from your home. In the last several days we have had people who have either had an unstable elder move in, or are contemplating doing this.
If it is now your intention to move your mother from your home I can only recommend you see a landlord/tenant attorney to begin proceedings. Know they may be long in duration, difficult to do legally, and not without a cost.
I can only say that seeing this over and over on the Forum threads in the last few days that I hope it serves as a warning to others not to take elders into their home either temporarily or permanently without a great deal of thought on the matter. At worst, this may be the outcome.
I am very sorry for all you are going through. Not all bad decisions can be fixed. I hope you find some answer somehow that works.
Then the OP has to get a restraining order. Also speak to the hospital and tell them that she is not allowed to go back to the home because he will not provide care to her anymore.
If she's elderly the hospital will get social work on it and they will find somewhere for her to go.
You are an adult not a child. You can advocate for yourself on your own behalf. Your mother doesn't control you or your life. If you don't want her anywhere near you or your home, get a restraining order. You do not have to allow her on your property or even near it. If you believe your life is in danger because of her, go to the police right away. You will be able to get a restraining order.
If your mother is 65 or older, she is on Medicare. It is not for you to take her to a hospital. She's your father's responsibility. Worry about yourself because you need some help and I hope you get it.
If you know you will be out of work soon then start looking for a job now. If you find one before the existing job ends take the new job.
Why don't you go and stay with your father for a while? I am going to speak very honestly to you and will do so with no malicious intent.
I do not doubt that your mother is an abusive person who's treated you terribly all your life. However, I don't believe a word of what you're saying about her forcing you to be monitored by cameras in your home and by a GPS tracker. You're a grown man with your own place. Mommy does not decide where you, a grown man, go or don't go. She does not decide whether or not you're allowed to entertain friends at your house either.
Now I'm pretty sure you're not living in an early 20th century village in Sicily where the local mafia don's word is law. Your mother doesn't run the town. She doesn't control the police department either. The cops are not her flying monkeys there to do her bidding.
Think about your post for a minute. Everyone in your town is hoodwinked by your mother and only you know the truth. Your father and the whole family enable her vicious, violent, and illegal behavior out of fear. Do you know what you sound like? A paranoid crazy person.
Get help because my friend, you are in need. Go see your father. Move in with your father. Start looking for another job before the one you have now is finished. Get a new place to live with your father and don't tell your mother where you live.
It's time for you to stop living like Norman Bates and mother in that movie 'Psycho'. You certainly seem unwell. I urge you to seek out psychiatric services in your area.
What is a Life 360 tracker? A quick google search shows an app. Just delete it from your phone. If that is an issue, get a new phone from a new provider and leave the old phone at home.
Let me assure you that these patterns can be broken - by you.
I had a mother who used anger and I had to accept that as her choice, but her choice did not have to drive my choice.
So your mother gets mad or pesters you when you remove the equipment of the app on your phone . She is abusing you. What's new? You have a choice here. Choose your own life, regardless of her reaction to you, or continue to cave in to her sick manipulations.
When you say nothing has worked - boundaries, ignoring her etc. I suspect what you were looking for by doing these things is a change in her behaviour.
Not going to happen.
None of these work unless you change. Unless you become healthier. She may or may not respond to you changing. That can't be your goal. If you change you life becomes better for you regardless of her choices.
If you remove the app and the camera and cut or greatly reduce contact with her for a period of time you will have your life free(r) of this abuse.
Have you questioned yourself as to why you continue to allow her to abuse you? Is your self esteem very low? Are you seeking love and approval from her?
Counseling would help you make healthier choices.
Your job is probably coming to an end - start looking for another one.
Instead of being so involved with your mother and her illness, look for socializing opportunities in you community.
I know it isn't easy. I was brought up by a mother with Borderline Personality Disorder, and an alcoholic father. But you CAN break out of this sick cycle and have a decent life. I hope you start making better choices. This is more about you than about your mother. ((((((hugs)))))
What we replaced it with was good old fashioned communication. It did take some discussions to arrange the 'rules of respect' we agreed upon.
I have always let others I live with know when I will be home. Whether spouse or back in the housemate share stage, or family of origin. It's just polite. Especially if others are cooking, they need to know how many to provide for.
I don't know the ages here & if any disabilities or mental health conditions complicate things - but discussions about privacy & freedom need to be balanced with trust & respect too.
Can I ask what age range you are in? Have you lived out of the family home before?