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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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After rinsing his mouth and brushing his teeth, what else do I have to hide? What other behaviors like this are common? We are in assisted living. Not much else around and meds are locked.
Sorry - I meant we should maybe get a thread for those outside U.S.A. not to go to another site -
I think jacobsonbob is right & we should mention where we live so others in same area might know things specific to that place - I also like the priority levels & plan on using them that he shared - thanks
When I was working we had a rating system that could be used for prioritizing almost any action or step one is considering, and a couple of us decided to add to the system (on the negative side of the scale). Basically, everything can be rated as CRITICAL, IMPORTANT, BENEFICIAL, UNNECESSARY, or DETRIMENTAL. We considered "unnecessary" to be the neutral score, so although a piece of chocolate might not really be necessary, it might be beneficial, as Moecam essentially has pointed out.
In response to Moecam's suggestion at the end, I hope a "split" doesn't happen. For one thing, nearly all the comments have some relevance for caregivers everywhere so I'd hate to see these made less available based on geography. On the other, I know we have several very reliable and helpful contributors from the UK as well as Canada, and I see entries in which it appears the OP or a commenter is from another country altogether although the specific country isn't necessarily identified, so where would we draw the lines? I for one appreciate the different perspectives and would miss them (as well as a feeling I'm losing some friends I've "known" for several years in some cases); perhaps it would help if people offering suggestions regarding laws, appropriate agencies to contact, and other things not necessarily identical everywhere simply mentioned where they are located (which many, of course, already do), particularly if outside the US (and of course we have to remember there are some differences even among the states of the US!). Maybe country or state would be useful to add to our profiles--does anyone even know how many of us are in the respective countries and states? This is just my two cents' (or two pennies') worth--what do others think?
CHOCOLATE FOREVER - Yes that seems to be one of the last flavours [CDN spelling] that most seniors recognise - I bring my mom hot chocolate from TIM HORTON'S to share with me because she wants the inclusiveness of the sharing & with a shared chocolate chip cookie that's even better - we do a 'cheers' with the cookie & she is happy
Basically making your LO happy is the greatest thing you can do for them [& yourself] once they are in NH - did you know that almost every craving a person has can be substituted with another thing EXCEPT CHOCOLATE - basically give your loved one these treats as often as you can [excepting medical advise not to] because they truly love it - FYI .. I always let staff know what mom [diabetic] has so that a spike in her sugars are accounted for .... staff tell me in return an occational treat is good emotionally but to monitor how much & how often - that's where the sharing comes in because mom wants to share then there is a lessening of a sugar spike when she gets 1/2 of an item
Sorry [how Canadian can I get] but we need to keep our LO happy without them knowing that we are monitoring them - we also need to think what we would want in the same circumstances - we all have our powers of thinking but let's think about those who are on the cusp between think clearly & those who are only holding on by the skin of their teeth
This is often the hardest area to make decisions in because the 'wants', the 'needs', the 'necessities', etc can be at odds - once a person gets to a certain point then things become clear but it when our loved ones are in a very grey area that most of us have the problem
I feel for those whose health care is substandard so that the family has this other financial burden to deal with - I live where this is not a problem & still there's a lot of stress without the $$$$ in mind -
We all need to scratch each others backs to keep us all sane - this site helps many of us sane - this is an American mostly site but many of us who aren't American can get useful information too so please keep posting so that we go forth beyond their [mis]info - may be we should get an non-American site up to help others
My mother-in-law rubbed toothpaste around and into her eyes, perhaps thinking it was night cream. She rubbed hand lotion in her mouth and over her gums. She wadded toilet paper into her depends and sleeves. We removed all the toiletries from her bathroom (but not the toilet paper), and brought them in when it was time to use them. We kept scissors and sharp knives out of her reach. I once searched for my glasses for hours, and found them the next day in her nightstand. I learned to keep them out of her view when not wearing them. Unable to convince her that her bowl of soup or ice cream was for her only, we had to keep the dog away from her when she ate (she NEVER shared her chocolate, however)! Now she's in a memory care facility. We regularly check her purse and walker storage bag for silverware, eyeglasses and other items that aren't hers.
Crazywife2x, without a sense of humor, I would go round the bend. I would never let my mother see me mourn for her before she dies. I want to visit and laugh with my mother, not feel sorry for her. She loves for me to give her a manicure so this has become our "thing" that is ours alone. I tell her about my day and she talks about stuff that makes no sense. We both enjoy our visit.
This reminds me of my mother who is in a NH and has Alzheimer's. One of the things she can still do is feed herself. They are always telling me what a good appetite she has and she cleans her plate every time. I was there one day while she was eating and when the food was gone she picked up the paper band that came on her silverware and tried to eat that too. I determined that eating was the one thing she remembered how to do so it didn't matter what it was. It was the action she was performing.
After reading all these comments I admit I am more depressed then ever. It is not funny , it is so very sad that humans end their sometimes amazing productive loving caring lives in such humiliating disgusting situations through not fault of anyone......... We treat our pets more humanely. I beg if it is me please treat me as you would your pet and put me to sleep
Good ideas. One of the early things I did was to get bar soap, not the squirt kind of soap. A man told me his wife was using the liquid soap as cream on her arms, face, and at first no one could figure why her skin was irritated and peeling!
My aunt started to pry a stuck nightlight plug out of the socket with a fork, but I caught her on the way.
Try loading his toothbrush with the toothpaste as soon as you see he has used it - he may brush his teeth more often but you'll be sure of what he is using - leave it where he can see it on the counter but get an unbreakable plate to put it on so that can be washed easily
When I began caring for my elderly Aunt with severe Alzheimer's Dementia, I finally began to truly understand the depth of her disease. I had no idea that she was able to walk and talk and have conversation yet her drawers were filled with soiled underwear, mail, photos, socks filled with peanuts and or cookies. After cleaning up I had several bizarre incidents and now supervise her at all times by using Samsung Smartcams. One to record at all times in the bedroom and it will just record over once full. This way I can review the camera if a diaper goes missing. One is pointed at the bathroom door is set to alert and record "events" and my phone goes off so I can go and supervise anything happening in the bathroom. Before those cameras, I was overwhelmed. Panty-liner being used to brush teeth, antibiotic cream as toothpaste another time, pulling out the inside of Depends if soiled with bare hands and then wearing the shell. And the worst is yet to come... Thanks everyone for helping me to realize I am not alone on this unexpected journey.
meallen--LOL; don't worry, you're fine! Sometimes we have situations so frustrating we need assurance that we're not alone and we need to be able to laugh. One time my mother and I saw my grandfather walking around with a crowbar when he said "I was constipated and needed to get a tool" --and then we felt free to laugh only after we learned he only meant he was going to use it to unblock the toilet! (By the way, was a simple oral explanation sufficient to rectify your dad's confusion?)
Hello! I had to hide basically everything and only let my MIL have soft items that could not hurt her. She tried to eat metal spoons & forks and basically anything that she could pick up after a point. She hid and/or slept with (tucked in next to her) soiled disposable underwear, soiled clothing items, etc. We also had to put a gate to block off the kitchen as she was ramming her hands into the trash bin and feeling around, laying her hands on a hot stove top, etc. Just keep out what will not hurt your husband and put all else away.
Remember when your two year old proudly announced he had eaten all his vitamins--and he had climbed 6 feet to get them? In many ways, you are dealing with a child who won't recall any correction you attempt. It makes me angry to think that at 85, a good surgeon could make me look 30 but can do nothing to make me recall what day it is. I wish I could help. We need to get our priorities in order and do something to stop this disease. Anne1933
I had to remove all scissors and other sharp objects from my mom’s room. I like the idea of the bright colors. Mom had macular degeneration and I think her vision was a lot worse than she let on. Goes without saying to lock up cleaning supplies.
Does your Assisted Living community have a Memory Care unit? It sounds like he will need that sooner than later. In the mean time you should try to get all the things he needs together before so that he does not have to try to figure out what to do. If you take all the steps that must be done to get ready in the morning it is a wonder we can get everything done. If his toothbrush is a light color like the counter and tiles you might want to get a brightly colored one so that it stands out. Even if you have one of the electric ones wrap a piece of red electric tape around the handle so he can see it easily. Same with the toothpaste. White toothbrush, light colored toothpaste tube white counter all blend in and it makes it hard to see things. Also if you have not run into this problem yet it might be wise to try to get him to sit on the toilet when he has to urinate (if he is still continent) it is safer and less likely to miss or drip. Also if the glass door on your shower has a bar on it you might want to think about replacing the door with a curtain. The possibility of using the bar on the door as a grab bar is great and they are not sturdy and can cause the door to shatter.
I can make sense of the after shave - just - presumably he mistook it for mouth wash. But what on earth was he doing with the toilet paper?
Lock away all cleaning products, he could do himself real damage with those; also antiseptic lotions and creams, anything that really mustn't be swallowed. But most toiletries, like soap and shower gel, should be safe enough even if they do make him froth at the mouth alarmingly.
Is he even noticing these errors? Demanding to know why you've switched brands, anything?
My dad brushed his teeth with his coffee the other day and insists on using a toilet cleaning brush (not one used for the toilet, as of yet) to scratch his back. Tons of dead skin and discolored lying on his nightstand. Gross. And I don't think he really has dementia much, I can't figure it out since he's always done abnormal things. Good luck miw, hug💜
How about a pliers? My mother was very upset when my father grabbed a regular pliers and cracked several teeth off (I don't even know if he was having tooth pain).
Even if you put away things that your husband might misuse, doesn't he have access to them in other people's rooms at the AL? When my LO was first in regular AL, there was nothing really preventing her from going into another resident's room when they were not there. IL apt doors were shut and I think locked, but, the AL were not. I'd just make sure that he was supervised, to prevent him from going into other rooms.
When she moved to MC, I noticed that they have all kinds of things locked up for the safety of the resident, like tooth paste, mouthwash, shampoo, etc., since they can ingest them due to their dementia.
Not to minimize your anxiety about you dear LO behavior but, as I read your post I thought thankfully it wasn't the toilet brush he was using. Most care homes use the standard of if the package or container says "keep out of reach of children " or "call poison control" lock it up. I thought that was a bit extreme, then the horror stories started. Now I am a firm believer, lock it up. Be very happy that he is interested in personal hygiene, so many loose that. Maybe keep a toothbrush and some toothpaste (maybe a child's brand) right visible for him. God Bless You and your husband on this most difficult journey.
Would it the right place to share that my old dad once confused toothpaste and hemorrhoid cream in the worst possible way. (I tend to stick funny things in in case a little laugh might be enjoyed. Please let me know if I should stop.)
Twice I caught my mom chewing a crocheted piece. Her vision is decreasing, her mental processing is decreasing, then toss in a healthy UTI and all bets are off. I had to hide her crochet pieces even though it's only happened twice and I can't watch her continuously 24/7.
I agree with cwillie about toilet paper, liquid items like lotions, medicines (which are locked) and small things that he might try to eat or hide (I'm still looking for six soiled pads, one hearing amplifier, and one sock). If he has hearing aids you may want to keep an eye on them. My mom keeps picking hers out. Good luck.
I've read on the forum of people trying to eat inedible objects they have mistaken for candy or food and I think it's fairly common that any king of soap, lotion or cream might get used inappropriately. You might need to keep an eye on your toilet paper and tissue supply because at some point people seem to hoard it or stuff the toilet. You really just have to be vigilant and aware of where he is all the time because he has the mind of a toddler with the strength and reach of an adult.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I think jacobsonbob is right & we should mention where we live so others in same area might know things specific to that place - I also like the priority levels & plan on using them that he shared - thanks
In response to Moecam's suggestion at the end, I hope a "split" doesn't happen. For one thing, nearly all the comments have some relevance for caregivers everywhere so I'd hate to see these made less available based on geography. On the other, I know we have several very reliable and helpful contributors from the UK as well as Canada, and I see entries in which it appears the OP or a commenter is from another country altogether although the specific country isn't necessarily identified, so where would we draw the lines? I for one appreciate the different perspectives and would miss them (as well as a feeling I'm losing some friends I've "known" for several years in some cases); perhaps it would help if people offering suggestions regarding laws, appropriate agencies to contact, and other things not necessarily identical everywhere simply mentioned where they are located (which many, of course, already do), particularly if outside the US (and of course we have to remember there are some differences even among the states of the US!). Maybe country or state would be useful to add to our profiles--does anyone even know how many of us are in the respective countries and states? This is just my two cents' (or two pennies') worth--what do others think?
Basically making your LO happy is the greatest thing you can do for them [& yourself] once they are in NH - did you know that almost every craving a person has can be substituted with another thing EXCEPT CHOCOLATE - basically give your loved one these treats as often as you can [excepting medical advise not to] because they truly love it - FYI .. I always let staff know what mom [diabetic] has so that a spike in her sugars are accounted for .... staff tell me in return an occational treat is good emotionally but to monitor how much & how often - that's where the sharing comes in because mom wants to share then there is a lessening of a sugar spike when she gets 1/2 of an item
Sorry [how Canadian can I get] but we need to keep our LO happy without them knowing that we are monitoring them - we also need to think what we would want in the same circumstances - we all have our powers of thinking but let's think about those who are on the cusp between think clearly & those who are only holding on by the skin of their teeth
This is often the hardest area to make decisions in because the 'wants', the 'needs', the 'necessities', etc can be at odds - once a person gets to a certain point then things become clear but it when our loved ones are in a very grey area that most of us have the problem
I feel for those whose health care is substandard so that the family has this other financial burden to deal with - I live where this is not a problem & still there's a lot of stress without the $$$$ in mind -
We all need to scratch each others backs to keep us all sane - this site helps many of us sane - this is an American mostly site but many of us who aren't American can get useful information too so please keep posting so that we go forth beyond their [mis]info - may be we should get an non-American site up to help others
We kept scissors and sharp knives out of her reach.
I once searched for my glasses for hours, and found them the next day in her nightstand. I learned to keep them out of her view when not wearing them.
Unable to convince her that her bowl of soup or ice cream was for her only, we had to keep the dog away from her when she ate (she NEVER shared her chocolate, however)!
Now she's in a memory care facility. We regularly check her purse and walker storage bag for silverware, eyeglasses and other items that aren't hers.
My aunt started to pry a stuck nightlight plug out of the socket with a fork, but I caught her on the way.
Take care of yourself, and good luck miw.
In the mean time you should try to get all the things he needs together before so that he does not have to try to figure out what to do.
If you take all the steps that must be done to get ready in the morning it is a wonder we can get everything done.
If his toothbrush is a light color like the counter and tiles you might want to get a brightly colored one so that it stands out. Even if you have one of the electric ones wrap a piece of red electric tape around the handle so he can see it easily. Same with the toothpaste. White toothbrush, light colored toothpaste tube white counter all blend in and it makes it hard to see things.
Also if you have not run into this problem yet it might be wise to try to get him to sit on the toilet when he has to urinate (if he is still continent) it is safer and less likely to miss or drip.
Also if the glass door on your shower has a bar on it you might want to think about replacing the door with a curtain. The possibility of using the bar on the door as a grab bar is great and they are not sturdy and can cause the door to shatter.
Lock away all cleaning products, he could do himself real damage with those; also antiseptic lotions and creams, anything that really mustn't be swallowed. But most toiletries, like soap and shower gel, should be safe enough even if they do make him froth at the mouth alarmingly.
Is he even noticing these errors? Demanding to know why you've switched brands, anything?
Good luck miw, hug💜
When she moved to MC, I noticed that they have all kinds of things locked up for the safety of the resident, like tooth paste, mouthwash, shampoo, etc., since they can ingest them due to their dementia.
God Bless You and your husband on this most difficult journey.
I agree with cwillie about toilet paper, liquid items like lotions, medicines (which are locked) and small things that he might try to eat or hide (I'm still looking for six soiled pads, one hearing amplifier, and one sock). If he has hearing aids you may want to keep an eye on them. My mom keeps picking hers out. Good luck.