This has been going on for about 2 years now. I am the only in-state sibling and only caregiver in charge of the estate and such. First, she turned my brother against me because I got angry with her over an insurance issue, and she continues to want to paint me as threatening and says she is afraid of me. She has never been completely financially independent. I had always planned her into my own retirement figuring I'd just have to feed/house her, but that's another story. She was going to come out from California to take mom's car and she said she wanted stay for a week to help out and earn some salary. I offered to pay transportation and twice what I get paid for the same week. She said she was coming in August. August 17 I reached out to find out her schedule. She tells me September. I contacted her as nice as I could to ask her to please let me know when she would be here in September and she called me and just tore me a new one and said, "Do I keep my word?" Like my wanting to plan our schedule over the next 5 weeks was this brazen invasion of her privacy. I am so sick of this. I have done everything I can to support her financially and emotionally over many years. I thought of contacting Adult Protective Services or getting an attorney, but I am also afraid of starting something especially expensive. I have suffered physically and emotionally for the last two years due to these accusations and estrangement, what do I do? I am so afraid of her. I can't believe this is happening. She has hurt not just me but my mother and father as terrorizing the caregiver is not helpful to them.
Your Mom and Dad seem to still be alive. Where is she living? Are you sharing the caregiving for your Mom with the sibling you mentioned in the post?
Need to know this info -- it will be hard to give any advice without it.
To tell them "My sis won't visit?"
Leave your sister alone. Apparently that is what she wants you to do. You have made a poor decision imho in giving her money and staying so entangled in her life.
And how would you think to give away your mother's care to her unless you are a financial POA? And IF you give away your Mom's car are you aware of the gifting consequences of that for your Mother and her possible needs for future Medicaid help?
I can't imagine all that is going on here, but it sounds muddy or soupy at best. I would think that caring for your Mom would be enough on your plate. Tell Sis to let you know when she's coming and let her know A) you need a week notice and B) it will have to be a convenient time for you BOTH. That's it. The end.
I wish you good luck. Remember, you can't change others or their actions. You can only change yourself and care for yourself.
I'm very sorry this has happened to you, but you're under no obligation to take care of a sibling you don't like. Her life is what she's made it, and you don't have to participate.
It sounds like you are walking on eggshells around your sister. That gets old quickly.
Stop tiptoeing around her. If you must communicate with her, tell her the facts and don’t fear her reactions. In fact, don’t place a lot of weight on her responses. If she upsets you, end your conversation with her.
Chalk it up to this is how she is. Don’t expect her to change. Be careful not to enable her in any way. Live your life independently from hers.
Best wishes to you and your family.