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See a lawyer for a legal separation. This is not a divorce, but rather it freezes all assets earned during the marriage. He will be responsible for paying whatever his present proportion is for the house and it’s upkeep.
My husband is a Star Wars fanatic. I had miscarried years ago. So as dumb as this sounds. The unopened 1970s star wars things are valuable as is the Disney things from my miscarriage. This is not money. This is sentimental and the fact 4 stole it. I can not do it anymore.
Unfortunately it looks like your problems did not end with MIL dying. It looks like this entire family including husband is going to continue their toxic crap. Now you have to decide if you want to be a party to it for the rest of your life.
I agree with LilMelba's comment below: You need to find a forum that deals with marital issues since this is no longer about a caregiver issue.
Unless you are as addicted to this familial drama as you may be to a toxic marriage, seek counsel from a divorce attorney and also seek the therapy support needed to disentangle yourself from this toxic marriage and all that it has entailed.
I haven't read you other posts, not that I can recall, and am glad of it. I personally have very little room in my life for other peoples' fabricated dramas, while some seem to thrive on it.
Seek the legal and marital/divorce support you need - elsewhere - and move on with your life.
Some things in life look best when seen in the rearview mirror, this entire ordeal appears to be one among them...
Luta, many many people on this site have what I would consider to be dramas, and not many are fabricated. They usually want a bit of sympathy, and some advice about how to get out of their problems. If you have no room for them, perhaps this site is not for you either.
LilMelba you told us in another of your posts about yourself, that you have a job as a temp typist in a lawyer’s office. Then I think it was for 3 months, in which you have learned a lot about the law and how other people should organise their lives.
I hope that you don’t write all these posts in your boss’s time, because that wouldn’t be nice. If you write them at home in your own time, it might be good to get some other interests.
An argument can be made that the end of caregiving is one of the life changes that increases the likelihood of divorce. Couples that lose a shared purpose, whether or not it was a purpose that was fully embraced, have to reevaluate how they relate to each other without that purpose.
Definitely seek legal advice: although having a look at the Nolo Press book first may help you to organize your thoughts. Putting some distance between you when one or both of you is resorting to name calling is good for the short term but eventually you’ll need to address fair division of assets and so on, so you’ll want to know what your rights are and what someone with experience recommends.
You will have to be the judge of whether you are really ready to end the marriage this time. You have some work to do on why now. What would you like your life to look like in six months or whatever timeframe you choose.
Try to be kind to yourself, and if possible, to him, even if only by limiting his ability to behave at his worst. If the relationship needs to end, try to end it as gracefully as possible.
LilMelba, I read your long long private message to MilHell. It was all about yourself. For someone you don’t know who is in distressing circumstances, it really was an inappropriate and insensitive way to unburden yourself. And it says that it was written in the Boss’s time, which is not nice either.
How about you write about yourself properly? You are caring for your ‘father, living at home with arthritis and Parkinson’s disease’. What are your issues? How can other posters help you? Why not just back off this OP, and tell us about your own care issues?
MilHell, I am so sorry that your marriage is breaking down too. I guess that you are wondering why you stayed in the relationship, for the sake of your husband and his mother, now that it is all going wrong anyway.
Perhaps it might be worthwhile to let the waves die down, to see whether it might be safe to swim together again. It’s been such a traumatic time, you must both be super-stressed. Yours, Margaret
I would offer you an apology if you were owed one. You are not.
You are mad because you have continually gone after milhell at probably the worst time of her life. You get called out to stop harassing her and you roll over to victim.
If you really understood her situation and cared, you WOULD NOT have told her to stop posting.
Obviously you have never been in a caregiver situation or you would be compassionate about the fallout from the pressure releasing, instead you tell her to go away. Wth?
MILhell, I am hoping a level of closure can happen soon for you over MIL - not sure if the funeral has happened yet..?
Obviously memories & hurts will linger, but some weight will lift.
I image it will take some time for your husband to sort through his own stuff, his heavy Mother-Son baggage.
Maybe you will have to paddle along your stream of life without him for a while... See what's up ahead. Maybe he will or maybe he won't catch you up when he is feeling 'lighter'.
Your dh should not be supporting 4 in any way. These Star Wars collectibles you mentioned can be worth over a thousand bucks each. If acquired during the marriage, half of that is yours.
MILHell - Did your husband leave after you told him to? I recommend you talk with a divorce attorney whether you just want to separate or consider divorce.
LilMelba, most posters do not simply vanish once the elder dies. It takes time for people to work through wills, sibling rivalries and marriage resentments that stemmed in her case from years, possibly decades, of caregiver hell.
Milhell is not atypical in asking for help with said subjects.
Just a suggestion. If u don't want this thread to continue, stop posting to it. Everytime u post it goes back to the top. It had pretty much went on its merry way.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
No woman should take that crap!
I agree with LilMelba's comment below: You need to find a forum that deals with marital issues since this is no longer about a caregiver issue.
Unless you are as addicted to this familial drama as you may be to a toxic marriage, seek counsel from a divorce attorney and also seek the therapy support needed to disentangle yourself from this toxic marriage and all that it has entailed.
I haven't read you other posts, not that I can recall, and am glad of it. I personally have very little room in my life for other peoples' fabricated dramas, while some seem to thrive on it.
Seek the legal and marital/divorce support you need - elsewhere - and move on with your life.
Some things in life look best when seen in the rearview mirror, this entire ordeal appears to be one among them...
AC, I have been harassed by LilMelba. What will you do about it?
I hope that you don’t write all these posts in your boss’s time, because that wouldn’t be nice. If you write them at home in your own time, it might be good to get some other interests.
Definitely seek legal advice: although having a look at the Nolo Press book first may help you to organize your thoughts. Putting some distance between you when one or both of you is resorting to name calling is good for the short term but eventually you’ll need to address fair division of assets and so on, so you’ll want to know what your rights are and what someone with experience recommends.
You will have to be the judge of whether you are really ready to end the marriage this time. You have some work to do on why now. What would you like your life to look like in six months or whatever timeframe you choose.
Try to be kind to yourself, and if possible, to him, even if only by limiting his ability to behave at his worst. If the relationship needs to end, try to end it as gracefully as possible.
How about you write about yourself properly? You are caring for your ‘father, living at home with arthritis and Parkinson’s disease’. What are your issues? How can other posters help you? Why not just back off this OP, and tell us about your own care issues?
Perhaps it might be worthwhile to let the waves die down, to see whether it might be safe to swim together again. It’s been such a traumatic time, you must both be super-stressed. Yours, Margaret
I would offer you an apology if you were owed one. You are not.
You are mad because you have continually gone after milhell at probably the worst time of her life. You get called out to stop harassing her and you roll over to victim.
If you really understood her situation and cared, you WOULD NOT have told her to stop posting.
Obviously you have never been in a caregiver situation or you would be compassionate about the fallout from the pressure releasing, instead you tell her to go away. Wth?
Obviously memories & hurts will linger, but some weight will lift.
I image it will take some time for your husband to sort through his own stuff, his heavy Mother-Son baggage.
Maybe you will have to paddle along your stream of life without him for a while...
See what's up ahead.
Maybe he will or maybe he won't catch you up when he is feeling 'lighter'.
Your dh should not be supporting 4 in any way. These Star Wars collectibles you mentioned can be worth over a thousand bucks each. If acquired during the marriage, half of that is yours.
Did 4 go back to California on time?
Milhell is not atypical in asking for help with said subjects.
You are no longer interested in her, fine. Take your own advice and leave.
Could u stop the posting to this question? I think the OP would appreciate it.