My father died just 10 days ago from cirrhosis. He had hepatic encephalopathy and all of his organs failed quickly. For 3 months, from when he first went into the hospital I took over his bill paying and also the mess of dealing with my grandmother’s care. My father was her POA and the only one. He stopped paying any of his bills or hers when he went into the hospital in early January. It was extremely stressful to deal with his mistrustful brother and to try to figure out a solution to that problem. I regret that it took up a lot of the little time we had left. I live in another state, am an only child. My parents are divorced and my dad lived alone. He never went home after being hospitalized in early January. I keep replaying how I might have done things differently. I wish he could have regained some strength, enough to go home. But, he got weak and ended up not being able to walk. The lactulose made him live in adult diapers-he couldn’t toilet or bathe himself. Covid restrictions meant I only got to see him once in person in March. When I got the call that he was failing I left immediately and spent 3 days with him while he slipped away. It was terrible. I can’t talk about it with people in my life but I also can’t not talk about it. It’s eating me up.
I’ve busied myself with having to settle his affairs; I carried out his wishes to be cremated, I have to clear his house and sell it, sell his truck. But I’m left with this terrible burden of grief. He destroyed himself-why?? Going through his papers I found a letter I wrote him 15 yrs ago begging him to stop drinking. I offered to help him find a rehab place. It didn’t help. I’m so sad. I’m sleeping too much, no desire to work. I don’t know what to do.
Grief is a huge emotion, people say it comes over like waves. Some find grief counseling helpful. There may be online options available. Sometimes reaching out to an impartial stranger can help... a professional councillor may understand better than friends.
It was his life. He played the cards he was delt in life his way. His game has ended now. You are allowed to be sad.
Your dad sounds an awful lot like my oldest brother. He died from liver failure too.
I desperately tried to get my brother to do rehab. A person has to want it for themselves. Addiction is a disease and it’s a tough battle.
Some make it and some don’t. When my brother was sober he was a great guy.
Your dad knew that you loved him. I want you to remember that because that is what your dad would want for you.
Your dad and my brother are at peace now. I know in my heart that they would want us to be at peace as well.
Yes, we reflect and that’s fine. Just don’t get stuck there. Take time to grieve but also take comfort in knowing that his battle is over.
Take care. If you need someone to talk to that has suffered through a family member with addiction, I am here. You are welcome to private message me.