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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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We each have durable POWs with close friends and family, but I haven’t made any plans beyond that. She’s pretty much in denial so it’s difficult to include her in making such plans. What would happen if I suddenly died? In Arizona.
Sorry that you are in a tough situation with your wife. Per your profile, she's 76 and has been declining for. 10 years. Sorry it started so early.
For the short term, I would say that you need to stop being the sole caregiver. You need to have some "you" time and an opportunity to do things normal for your age and ability. Being around someone with dementia all the time is very hard.
Can your wife live on her own? I kind of doubt it. So, what would you want? Are you in a house right now? I'd look into selling and moving together into assisted living. Then, if you were to have issues or die, you would already be somewhere that she would be cared for in. AL would free you up from the day-to-day drudgery of life and home ownership. Meds, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
It's ok if she's in denial. It's very common. My 79yo mother is in denial that she has mild/moderate dementia. Doesn't matter. You know the situation and you need to be the one in charge and do what needs to be done. Do you have DPOA for her and has it been activated yet?
Make sure all your paperwork is in order, in addition to the POAs. Living wills, regular wills, health care and financial POAs. Do you have children? If so, makes sense to put them on your accounts as beneficiaries to keep some things out of probate.
I am so sorry that you are struggling with this situation.
It looks like you have prepared for everything. I don’t know what else you can do.
You must be comfortable to trust those that you have appointed as Power of Attorney, so please try to be at peace.
Have you considered joining an ‘in person’ support group for caregivers if there is one near you? I did this when I was caring for my mom and it helped. It was led by a social worker who had experience in caregiving.
You may want to speak with a therapist as well. I found that speaking with a therapist helped me to understand my emotions and place things in perspective.
Wishing you peace as you continue on being a caregiver to your wife. Is she at home with you or in a facility?
If you legally and financially properly planned, and sounds like you have, then the next step is to be at peace with what may come. That means one must trust, accept, after legally and financially preparing.
You have put both of you in the best situation for the future. But in the end, one must stop worrying after taking those steps.
Worrying harms relationships and the joy of life if otherwise prepared. The freedom to have peace and accept the inevitable is hard but the only way to enjoy life.
The worry is self-created joy killer of life if you are properly prepared financially and legally and honestly even if one is not prepared. However this worry is common.
Peace comes from planning, trust and acceptance. Perhaps anti-anxiety med is in order otherwise.
I had an attorney do a Special Needs Trust when I was caring for my Husband. I was doing a Will for myself and the Trust was part of that. Decide what you would want. Would a family member be able to care for her? Would you trust a family member to select a place for her? If you select a place there are forms that need to be completed and there are sometimes waiting periods if a room is not available right away. So you really should have 2 plans of action. Short term. Who or how is she cared for for a short time.. If you are injured or incapacitated for a short time. Or What to do until a facility room is available. Long term.
Harry, excellent question. Wish more people would plan ahead. Another person asked a similar question. Here is a link so you can view answers given to that person.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
For the short term, I would say that you need to stop being the sole caregiver. You need to have some "you" time and an opportunity to do things normal for your age and ability. Being around someone with dementia all the time is very hard.
Can your wife live on her own? I kind of doubt it. So, what would you want? Are you in a house right now? I'd look into selling and moving together into assisted living. Then, if you were to have issues or die, you would already be somewhere that she would be cared for in. AL would free you up from the day-to-day drudgery of life and home ownership. Meds, cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
It's ok if she's in denial. It's very common. My 79yo mother is in denial that she has mild/moderate dementia. Doesn't matter. You know the situation and you need to be the one in charge and do what needs to be done. Do you have DPOA for her and has it been activated yet?
Make sure all your paperwork is in order, in addition to the POAs. Living wills, regular wills, health care and financial POAs. Do you have children? If so, makes sense to put them on your accounts as beneficiaries to keep some things out of probate.
Best of luck.
I am so sorry that you are struggling with this situation.
It looks like you have prepared for everything. I don’t know what else you can do.
You must be comfortable to trust those that you have appointed as Power of Attorney, so please try to be at peace.
Have you considered joining an ‘in person’ support group for caregivers if there is one near you? I did this when I was caring for my mom and it helped. It was led by a social worker who had experience in caregiving.
You may want to speak with a therapist as well. I found that speaking with a therapist helped me to understand my emotions and place things in perspective.
Wishing you peace as you continue on being a caregiver to your wife. Is she at home with you or in a facility?
You have put both of you in the best situation for the future. But in the end, one must stop worrying after taking those steps.
Worrying harms relationships and the joy of life if otherwise prepared. The freedom to have peace and accept the inevitable is hard but the only way to enjoy life.
The worry is self-created joy killer of life if you are properly prepared financially and legally and honestly even if one is not prepared. However this worry is common.
Peace comes from planning, trust and acceptance. Perhaps anti-anxiety med is in order otherwise.
Decide what you would want. Would a family member be able to care for her? Would you trust a family member to select a place for her?
If you select a place there are forms that need to be completed and there are sometimes waiting periods if a room is not available right away.
So you really should have 2 plans of action.
Short term. Who or how is she cared for for a short time.. If you are injured or incapacitated for a short time. Or What to do until a facility room is available.
Long term.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/as-a-caregiver-for-my-wife-i-am-concerned-that-i-may-pass-before-her-how-do-i-plan-for-her-care-479392