There is a gentleman who claims to be his friend that is doing more harm than good and it needs to stop. He takes him and feeds stories into his head and my grandfather comes back agitated and aggressive. He has also requested paperwork for my grandfather from the VA when I have power of attorney. I didn't think that was legal.
It wouldn't hurt to get statements from others who've observed a behavioral change, but unless they have seen this man I'm not sure it could be considered direct evidence of his influence. In addition, I doubt the other people would be comfortable getting involved.
Sometimes you have to take drastic steps to protect your family, so don't feel badly. You're acting to prevent anything worse from happening and protecting your GF.
It did occur to me that the man could claim he didn't know his behavior was offensive. Has anyone spoken to him directly?
I also wouldn't be surprised if this man claims that your GF went willingly and became drunk just as willingly. Given that your GF has dementia, it's one word against the other.
One thing you could do if you have access is to check GF's charge account bill to determine if he's paying for the outings. If you can correlate dates to charges, and if the charges are at a bar, you'll at least know where they're going.
If you can't get a PPO, and if there are recurrent charges at one particular bar, and if you have family that can follow them, you could confront the man directly and take GF home. I wouldn't do this alone though.
Do you have any family close by that could take GF into their home for awhile after the PPO is issued? I'm assuming the "friend" isn't going to be happy, and could violate the restraining order. With GF's dementia, he might not understand the situation and might instead allow this man to continue his behavior.
Good luck - I hope you can get the PPO ASAP.
Who else has observed that he's doing more harm than good? Where is your GF living? Where does this person "take" GF?
How do you know that he's asked for data from the VA? Did GF tell you?
Given that GF has dementia, are you sure this is an actual situation? Who else has information on what this man is doing?
The best way to prevent contact is to get a restraining order (a/k/a Personal Protection Order). You can contact your local police and ask how to do it in your area. There may be an office handling these orders in the local county courthouse. You'll have to go, take your GF (and/or both GF and GM) with you and fill out a Petition for PPO.
Someone will have to take it to the assigned judge for review and execution. Then it has to be served. In my area, service of PPOs is handled by the Sheriff's Department; he'll need the address for the individual you want to prevent from contacting your GF (and GM).
The police can tell you how to get a restraining order, but make sure you have a list of offenses to include in the Petition, and make sure you have a current address where this man can be served.
Last time I got a PPO was over 10 years ago; service fee at that time was $20. Ask the police who serves the PPO, call that office and find out how much it costs. In our area, the Sheriff's Office wouldn't take checks, only cash.
My mother is calling to find out how to get the order now. I hate it has to come to this.
If there is an elder abuse hot line, try calling it and the fact that he has had your grandfather spend money on drinks and food (because he is demented) that may be enough, but I'm not sure. It's a starting point.
Drinking and dementia are a nasty mix. Good luck and keep up the good work of keeping Grandpa hidden out until this can be resolved.