I can't keep up with the demands of my job, trying to get my own health under control, and care for my 87 year old mother with dementia/Alzheimers. My relationship with my fiance' has also recently ended causing additional stress. I feel some days as though I'm not going to make it. I have said to my siblings that I've had enough. They don't want Mom going to a nursing home and yet they have excuses for why she can't live with them. Help!
I hear you! How to get help ,ask for it: I get very little but once I hired someone live in now, relations got a bit better. They realized I was neither shipping him out nor asking for a total here take your Dad...
At one point I went to visit a Doctor who said " I can't help you out until you know what you want" . So I spent some valuable time figuring out for the first time in a few years what I wanted and needed. And I began to formulate some very specific demands and how I would ask.
Once I no longer looked like a crazy person and asked for very specific help things went better. I also tried several new forms of communication. When trying to prepare for a needed surgery I explained how I might lose him trying to drop him off and park far away and I needed another person to hear what the Dr. said as this was not my native language. We got dropped off and she even spent a few mornings at the Dr. with us. This was far more than I had dared hope for.
My grandkids and sons were on Face Book so I started to communicate with them asking they inform their parents.I answered specific questions by phone and computer.
There was also a family visit so I could explain what was happening-Demencia is hard to catch on to. And gently explain how they could make him happy or comfortable.
But the best was the day I said "well,Sweetheart, I'm doing what I can but if I should just drop dead with the next high blood pressure thing, well, he's all yours"
You better believe there is a true preoccupation form my health now....
By the way, I have a helper- a housekeeper because I could no longer leave for work and leave him alone-but we need the money.
We are still not out of the woods but each day gets a little better and everyother month or so I ask the daughter to come and stay with him so I can go out and see a friend or once so that I could stay in bed a day that I was real sick.
We are now trying to form a monthly luncheon or snack with all invited or one family. I want to do this on a once a month basis but again the burden falls on me.
It was a real shock to hear one or two friends say they would like to come to the house and meet him.
I better not think that over too much and just say yes cause that kind of offer has been long in coming.Has maybe my attitude changed? Am I perhaps less scared and worn ? Whatever the reason I better just go for it and bring bits of the world ( and lovely people ) in if I can't get him out.
Hope some of my thoughts here are of help.
ALiving and nursing homes are options but what does the doctor say? I believe in most cases the physician is the one to make the final call as to whether elderly parents are not longer safe to be alone. Even if you live with her, you should get some type of help so you can take hours or days off and rest and have recreation yourself.
Emergen-C Vitamin C packets are an inexpensive energy and health booster. I buy a box at Walmart and it picks me up without resorting to something unhealthy.
Also, I had a relationship end myself a few years ago. Don't minimize the stress that a breakup - especially of a serious relationship - can have. You won't always feel this upset. I feel that the breakup is simply putting the icing on the cake so to speak of your stress level...and in a few months to a year, you should be feeling a little better.
I suggest making a list of a few doable things that you want to do that would make you happy. Make a plan and then do them, no matter what. Try and set some limits, at least for the next few months or so until you have healed from your breakup. Spend time with friends, I don't FBook alot but sometimes it is a fun and easy way to connect with people.
I hope in awhile you will feel the 'edge' has come off of your stress and you'll be better able to manage. I hope your siblings pitch in too.
Good luck!
I know what you are going through, though I've only been through it occasionally when my father or mother was having diarrhea. Sprays seem to only make it worse, especially since the sprays choke me. When it is warm, we can always open windows. Now that it is getting cold, it's tougher. If this has been going on for a while, the smell is probably in the walls. I would be tempted to invest in some masks, though I don't know how I could sleep with one on.
Is there a way that you can keep a clean room for yourself so you can escape the smell? Maybe you could keep the vents closed and put the room off limits to anyone but yourself.
I know you're also a bit embarrassed to have people come in. I would be tempted to hire a cleaning crew each week to try to keep the smell down. It would be hard to tolerate, no matter how we cared for the person.
When I became unemployed I moved in with my moms to take care of her. I realized getting back to work meant a big change for her and I just didn't have it in me to hand her off to a stranger. My siblings were either to far or to busy. After a year and a half I start work next week and after a few weeks I work from home. Don't give up hope. God will open the right doors for you... have faith.